Takin the Good with the Bad

Friday night was Buggy Item #3!!
E and I went with a group to a Moroccan restauraunt, which was the first time we'd eaten Middle Eastern food, and I was a little nervous as spicy foods don't agree well with me and my mouth, throat and stomach...

The restaurant was VERY authentic and I felt a little embarrassed by our loud, obnoxious and American group drinking beer and Cosmos (BYOB!!)

BUT - it was great food and the belly dancers didn't start til 9pm so we were VERY loud and obnoxious by then (reservations were at 5:15!!)

Aaaaand then E and I were home and in bed by 10pm. 
On a Friday night. 
When I complained to E about that, his response was "Well, we're married now."

And?! 

As of recently, we officially don't have any kids - or any on the way! - and what the hell is our excuse for being so lame?!

I made up for it for the BOTH of us the next night:

All martinis.  All mine.

Saturday morning I crossed the bridge into NYC, paid SIXTY-FOUR F*CKING DOLLARS for garage parking after cruising for 20 minutes...

(what the HELL is up with me and not being able to find parking?!?!? seriously.)

My friend in the city is awesome - she recently had called to tell me she and her bf had broken up, in hysterics and crying and blurts out - "I *hiccup* feel so baaaaaad (she was slightly drunk and by slightly I mean seriously) you're PREEEEHGnant and I'm SO HAPPEEEEEEE for you *sniff sniff *GULP* I'm so saaaad for meeeeee - but I'm happy for youuuu!!!!"

I just loves me some Muffin* (not her real name - I'd hope you'd assume that lol)

We set out for some serious shopping down in Chelsea, stopped off for some brie cheese and crackers to go with my whine ("It's Not Fair" was playing this weekend... again...) - real wine mixed well with that...

AAAAAWESOME Italian dinner reservations at 7:30 where we stuffed our freaking faces, then met friends for drinks - "friends" being:

one famous TV host (not telling, but she's awesome)

one VH1 producer, and gads of gays! (I <3 them all, seriously...)

On the Seventh morning, we rested.  And brunched.  DUH - she lives in the Upper  West Si-eeeeede - eeeeeveryone spends Sunday brunching!!  Stuffed our faces again, and helped along our hangovers with Pellini's - bellinis with POM juice (I'm always courteous to my uterine lining!)

An hour or so in Central Park capped off my time in NYC and back over the bridge I came in a fury - mad dash home to shower and change and head to a wake... (hey, see post title! Here comes the bad!)

******

E's family all lives really close, and they all maintain close relationships (which I love, given that my family is all 1600 miles away...)

His sister's mother-in-law was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer around Christmas of 2011.  I think (because I don't know for SURE all the details) that they found it very late, and it very quickly spread... She got progressively much sicker, and lost so much weight that she told family she didn't want them to come visit and see her the way she was...

She died last Thursday, after being on hospice for about 2 weeks.  My sister-in-law's husband is just an awesome guy - they're an awesome couple - and the four of us are pretty close.  My heart just broke for him...  His father had died 10 years prior, and he's an only child.  Orphaned at 34 years old...

So we had the wake last night, and the funeral service this morning.  E and I of course took work off (1/2 days anyway) to be able to attend the church service, burial service, and repast afterwards. 

I'm normally not too big a crier (especially at funerals for someone that, as awesome as she was, I'd only met about 3-4 times...)

What gets me is when OTHER people cry and get emotional.  I'm a sympathetic crier?

So when a cousin gave a eulogy and got so choked up that she had to stop, cue my water works.  And when another cousin, an adorable little old man, patted the coffin and got emotional walking back to his seat after HIS eulogy, I couldn't keep it together. 

This has happened before at wakes for people I barely know - E's fire lieutenant passed a few years ago (very sudden, and tragic at 36 years old so the wake was very emotional)

The widow at the wake just broke my heart...

I'm almost embarassed by it sometimes, and I assume close family and friends of the recently deceased judge me and think, who IS this chick?  WE have the monopoly on grief tonight!

what made me tear up at a certain point in yesterday's service was not anyone else's emotions, but the priest's words... He said things that made me wish I could whip out my phone right then and start recording or taking notes... I did my best to commit the key parts to memory...

(And after the hot yoga instructor spoke to me last week, I feel like I hear messages everywhere now... a mixture of Sixth Sense and the freaky Mel Gibson movie - "I see Signs...")

The priest spoke about everyone wanting to know WHY did God make her suffer so horribly through months of cancer the way she did.  Why would God let ANYONE suffer?  A question that has been around for a thousand years, and will be around for thousands of years to come...

His answer?  "I honestly can't tell you."

Aside from it all, it was so refreshing to not hear a man of the cloth saying "God works in mysterious ways, trust in Him."

Instead, he said, "I don't have an answer for you.  I don't know why."

And THAT got me thinking... I keep asking why, too.  WHY ME.

Why any of us.  I probably ask at least once a day... (usually while trying to find DAMN parking somewhere...)

I've decided to stop asking. 

No one's going to have the answer, least of all me. 

No one can tell me why this happened to me. 

So I'm going to stop asking.

I also won't let this conquer me. 

I won't let the WHY's dominate my thoughts anymore. 

There will still be good days and bad days.

There'll be light days and heavy days (no pun intended, Aunt Flo.)

Now there'll be Buggy List days:

Cardio Kickboxing tonight

Paddleboarding this summer

maybe an extreme Mud Race - 5 miles anyone?!

But no more WHY days.

Pound it out!