Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Working Mom Guilt?

actually, no... (Do I feel guilt over not BFing Button as well as I did Ms. Mack? yes... but another story, for another day...)

Recently a coworker asked me if I was still taking Wednesdays off (which I got to do for a few months after returning from maternity leave)... while I reminisced at how nice it was to have those days off with my girlie, I honestly responded, "no - and it's ok, I don't mind being back to work FULL full-time..."

::double-take:: right??

While I would just adore the extra day to get shit done around the house (laundry, putting away the clean clothes that have piled up 3 loads high at the foot of my bed?!) I honestly don't mind working 5 days a week... (Of course, realize that on average, I'm off once every two weeks or so - kids' illnesses or doctor appointments, for which I take the whole day, or my doctor/dentist/dermatologist/ophthalmologist appointments...)

But again, why am I ok being away from my kids for 40 hours a week?!

While motherhood definitely defines who I am, it only defines PART of who I am as a person.

I'm also an avid reader, a crafter (hello crochet!), a pianist, and hobby-photographer.

I enjoy listening to music and having drinks with my girlfriends!

I am still a person, and believe that I can be a better mother if I take care of myself first - mostly mentally.  (I was going to say physically too, but I guess I can mother just as well even when my eyebrows are woofing because I haven't had time for a wax salon visit... true story.)

I was thinking all of this as I read a favorite blog of mine, Enjoying The Small Things by Kelle Hampton... Her recent "10 Ways To Get Your Mom-Mojo Back" (yay for catchy click-able titles!) screamed for me to read, and the two most important take-aways I wanted to note:

Get away FROM the kids. Ironic, yes, but it works. 
You need to breathe for yourself before you can breathe life into motherhood, so get out the door and go find a coffee shop. 
A bookstore. A TJ Maxx, a Whole Foods, a pottery class, a sushi joint, a hotel. 
Be by yourself. Journal. Harmlessly gossip. 
I can leave my house on a Saturday morning for my “Hour of Power” thinking I might never come back, and every time I pull back in my driveway after some time alone, my heart soars at the site of my kids running to greet me.

My get-away is my work day (do I need it every day?  ..... sometimes! lol)
And when I walk into the daycare and Ms. Mack spots my face for the first time... oh those smiles...
(I'll be that horrible mother of two, where all of her photos are of her baby, and almost none of my first born...) but nearly every day, Button sees me and Ms. Mack through his room's window, and I can hear his "Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy!" start before I've come around the corner and through the door....

But the get-aways, no matter how long, short, or frequent, are important... because then, when we do THIS, it is that much sweeter:
2. Get away WITH the kids.  
We’re on a little staycation right now, and I can’t tell you how great it’s been to be away and not have laundry or cleaning or e-mails to keep me busy. 
Our job is simply to HAVE FUN, and it makes me appreciate these little kid days so much. 

So, tomorrow E heads out of town (across country actually!) until Sunday morning, and I've penciled in and booked a few close mom-friends and their babies for an epic-Going-With-No-Plan playdate on Saturday. What time?

Whatever time they want to come. lol

We'll take a field-trip to the post office Saturday morning, because there's a postal worker who wants to buy a Cincher (my new business! OMG! if you buy/wear LuLaRoe, you need one of these! They're custom-made!
and if you sell LuLaRoe, you need to offer these to your VIP customers! (Bulk discounts available!)
Give code BuggyList15 for 15% off your order!  

And  then the day is our oyster... I think we're gonna paint some tushes and make these cute little Butt-kins with our friends!

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Playing House: A Day In The Life

The other night at dinner, I felt all philosophical and turned and asked E, "Does it ever feel like we're just "playing house" - like, do you look at other parents of two kids and think, man - two kids! such adults! and not feel like that's us?! We have two kids?!"

I see in my head the title: Working Mother of Two.

And feel like it describes someone else!

To see just how true this title is, here's yesterday - a snapshot into our lives at Chez Buggy...

E- 34yo computer programmer / firefighter / hockey player (a bit contradicotry, eh?)
MrsBuggy- 31yo Financier / Avid Pinner
Button- 3yo with a rampant distaste for all jeans
Ms. Mack- 9.5mo in the cling-to-mommy phase
Rocco- 10.5yo "first born" (doggie)
Zoey- 5yo brat that constantly licks floors.  everywhere. (doggie)

It's Wednesday (October 5th), only half-way through the week, and this is the day we will get OUT of the HOUSE.  ON... TIME.

7:00 my alarm goes off - for the first time.  And I hit snooze. for the first time...

7:10 alarm goes off again, snooze gets hit again...

7:20 (lather, rinse repeat - alarm, snooze)

7:26 Button's voice comes through the monitor - my last alarm to go off for the morning - saying, "I need to go peepee on the BIG POTTEEEE!"

7:28 E rolls out of bed and goes to open Button's door (has a child safety knob thing on the inside, but we've started leaving it cracked overnight so he can get up in the morning and go potty on his own.  see above. it's not happening... lol)
E also changes Ms. Mack (bless the man)

7:30 I peruse through facebook (yes) as I slowly wake up myself. (Showered the night before, no rush this morning!)
E gets Button his ritual bowl of cereal (which he has to eat in the bathroom while E showers)

7:41 While E is showering, I finally get out of bed, throw on some clothes and get some make-up on...

7:55 E heads downstairs to get the dogs outside, so I brush Button's teeth (and mine - I remembered mine today!) and then send him downstairs because E is back inside and making breakfast for the humans...

8:01 Ms. Mack is fussing fiercely on the floor of the nursery, having seen me flitting around, so I nurse her and then get her dressed.

8:25 She and I walk down the stairs to find Button still eating breakfast.  I park her in the highchair with a tray full of puffs so I can pack my pump bag (membranes, flanges, bottles and breakfast!) and her food for daycare (almost forget the breast milk!)

8:45 Somehow the fights over socks/shoes/jacket delay us, but we finally get out of the house... 15 minutes late. -_-

8:58 I finally leave daycare after chatting with Ms. Mack's provider about which cup works best, and yes - it's fine to give her some of the regular lunch they provide (pizza!)

9:02 I have to stop at the post-office to mail off two items I sold on e-bay the day before (damn me and my "will ship next business day!" promise...)

9:07 Also have to stop at the bank to make deposits for work, am finally on my way in!

9:20 As I'm walking into work, I realize I left my nursing cover at home. again. (I use the cover while pumping because, well - I pump in the administrator's office.  While we meet about finances...) 
I will have to pump during the time the admin will be at lunch (which means delaying MY lunch 20 minutes...)

9:45 I finish up my morning perusal of yahoo news, facebook, emails, etc and finally settle in to actual work

(and through these missing hours, as Rihanna says, "Work work work work work")

1:05p It's time to pump - so I go to admin's office, ending up BSing with her for a few minutes, waiting for her to go to lunch so I can have solitude in which to whip out the boobs...
when in a pinch, a backwards cardi also works!
(just in case admin barged back in)
((as she did the day before... -_- ))

1:30 LUNCH TIME! Crab cakes. pizza. CHEESE CAKE yum

(more mindless work)

4:46 It's finally almost time to go - I message E to see what he wants for dinner (he tells me flank steak) - good, he has to grill, lets me off the hook a bit

4:59 I bounce from work - there's "Back-To-School-Night" at daycare tonight for Button, so I have to skip my hot yoga (grrr) but first have to rush home and take care of house&home

5:15 After herding and collecting, I sign the kids out of daycare (they report Ms. Mack ate half a piece of pizza! in addition to her baby food!)

5:40 We finally settle in at home: dogs have been taken out and fed, but wait - of course the neighborhood kid is out on his scooter with his dad (skateboarder) and Button wants to go play...
I decide that I'll get the steak out later to defrost and marinade...

6:00 finally get back in the house
(neighborDad and son went for one last "run" up and down the street, and Button wanted to go with (running on his short-but-adorable 3-y-o legs). I said we needed to go inside, that he wouldn't be able to keep up with the boys, then Button did the "I feel like I'm going to cry, but I'm not. I feel like it, but I won't cry..." pout (the most ADORABLE thing ever)

6:18 sit down to feed Ms. Mack (mozarella cheese, sweet potato puffs, a container of  Turkey&AutumnVeggies)

6:27 E messages me that he JUST got out of a meeting (he's usually pulling up at this point...) and that he is on his way home... even though I have Back-To-School night at 6:45 -_-

6:30 I decide that it will be too late for Button to eat by the time E's home and has the steak cooked, so I start boiling water for his ravioli.

6:47 E walks in the door, I basically say, "Raviolis are boiling for Button, steak's on the counter marinading marinating" (marinading? t or d?!) and run out the door with Ms. Mack (because god forbid he is home alone with the two of them. lol)

6:59 arrive at daycare, the girl at the front door (knows us well) offers to take Ms. Mack for the evening - yes!
I walk into Button's classroom (with another mom who was running late. solidarity!) in the middle of the teachers' presentation

7:15 Joking with a fellow mom as we're sitting at the eensy-teeny chairs, making - something out of toothpicks, marshmallows, pretzel sticks, and gum drops - something about STEM (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) being taught at preschool...
the two of us laugh when another mom asks if it's ok that she goes around and takes pictures of every. piece. of art. by her kid. on the walls... (judgemental? yes. whatever) we turn to each other at the same time and say, "must be her first kid!" ((the boy in Button's class is my friendMom's fourth! lol))

7:29 We're done, so I take a loop to find Ms. Mack - she's being fawned over by a few moms at the front door, but she spots me and starts the moan/groan/whine to be cuddled close - I don't blame her, it's also bedtime and girl is tired...

7:34 we walk in the door back home (I love how close our daycare is!) and I am intending on bringing Ms. Mack straight up to bed, but I sit down instead to eat my luke-warm steak, and then E (saint, for now) takes both kids for a bath...

7:48 I wrap a naked Ms. Mack in a towel and bring her upstairs to lotion up, get in PJs, and nurse...

8:01 she's snoring, so I lay her down in the crib - she stays down!

8:15 Button is ready for bed, and has shockingly agreed to let Mommy tuck him in (such a Daddy's boy...) so after E brushes his teeth and gets him PJ'd, we creep into the nursery (it's shared with Ms Mack) and settle in for a few songs.  And then he can't find his remote (for his moon) and neither can I, and too damn bad, we'll find it tomorrow...

8:25 I'm coming down the stairs, and am shocked. Button is quiet and Ms. Mack didn't wake back up! I grab a load of sheets and towels (which had to be REwashed twice after stinking in the wash machine for days) from the dryer - but get distracted by two things to sell on Mercari (kind of like ebay, but no fees! at least until Oct. 18th1) so I snap pictures and get both items listed...
I debate listing a bunch of Ms. Mack's small baby clothes, but decide that's for another night...

8:45 Instead, I head back out to get the sheets and towels folded.
Then I throw together what I can for the next day - Ms. Mack's other sippy cup (one of two of a certain kind that she likes/works the best for her right now) is somehow dirty in the dishwasher, even though I washed them both by hand the previous night... So I wash it, along with a few other dishes in the sink...

9:15 Time to finally relax... I grab the last two pumpkin cookies and some mint M&Ms, my Nook, and a glass of Jack Daniel's Tennessee Honey on ice.  (YUP.)

10:15 My eyes start to seriously droop, and I have had to re-read a paragraph twice... time to head upstairs to bed!
Teeth brushed, face washed, Good night y'all!

**Apparently when I saw this on another blog to copy, they were taking part in a big link-up!

If you're interested in cataloguing a day in YOUR life and want to link up, check it out here!

Monday, October 3, 2016

Trucking into Fall... (and 9 Months!)

we're here.

always busy (as the daycare director said to me the other day, "You guys are always running off to somewhere!"


Recently we ran off to Ms. Mack's 9 month appointment...

Weight: 16bs3oz  
don't ask me percentile. Doctor was all, "she's right on her curve! around 25th - 26th!" and yet when I look on their portal, it looks like she plummeted to below 10th?! who knows. her BMI has continually gone up! and we got some chunky thighs! she's just my petite delicate flower ;)

Height: 27.5"
according to in-office chart, right at 50th percentile!

Eating: everything!  We've started to up the table food (cut up sausage, vegetables, etc) and this past weekend introduced cow's milk! she's still nursing morning and night, but I'm weaning off the pump at work this week - OMFG I CANNOT WAIT!!! counting down the sessions....
She gets a bottle at daycare (just one!) and cups of milk (for now BM, mixing with WCM) with "meals."

Sleep: man did we luck out with our two kiddos... she sleeps 12 hours a night (I know... I can't believe it either...) basically without fail... her naps on the other hand are hit-or-miss... a structured day-care day she naps usually once for 1-1.5 hours.  (Once she napped for 2 hours!) Otherwise, she has 2- 45minute naps - once around 11am, and another around 4pm. (Goes to bed arounnd 7:30 - thankfully sleeps through big brother's shenannigans at 8:30!)

Wearing: I think we're officially moving up to size 3 diapers (mostly because we finally ran out of 2's - I think she could have moved up a few weeks ago... lol)
Definitely needs 9 months for length (sleepers, pants) 6M-9M for onesies...

LOVES: her big brother! she lets him grab and pull her hands, get in her face, take her toys - wait, no she cries at that... =P
And he has taken to calling her my endearment, "Baby Guhl" ::swoon::

HATES : hm not much... she's a pretty chill happy girl most of the time!

Milestone: WE'RE OFFICIALLY CRAWLING!! By Thursday/Friday last week, we were on the move! It's a cute, herky-jerky knees-in-the-air crawl right now, but each time she gets better and better!
We also went to the BabiesRUs big trade-in event (brought our old carseat to trade-in for 30% off a brand-new one! BRU runs it to help keep expired and un-safe carseats off the market!)

I won't lie - I got a little emotional (UGH must be the hormones shifting from weaning off the pump...) when it came time to take her toys off the old carseat and hand it over... I mean - this carseat brought both my babies home from the hospital!!!

But big girl got her new big car seat...

We've also been getting ready for Halloween - costumes ready!
(not Ms. Mack in either picture - but these are the costumes for the year!)
Yes, we have two... the strawberry I found at Carter's way back last winter for clearance, and the owl was a hand-me down we recently received!
(I also have about 4-5 "outfits" and Halloween tops - we'll have to start wearing two weeks before!

And I think we'll be making Button a pirate this year - a quick shred and stain job on a plain T-shirt should give us a good start... (stain with tea bags or used coffee grinds!)
(When you ask him, after hearing Little Sister is going to be a strawberry, he says he wants to be a blueberry... we'll be going with pirate... lol)

I mean - we're talking about the kid that won't let Daddy poop in peace...
Sad here that Daddy wouldn't let him in the bathroom... LOL

And the same kid who likes to try on Mommys shoes... another LOL
at least they matched the PJs!!

So, here we go - the kick-off of holidays (which quickly snowball us past 2016! AGH!) speaking of, we've started planning Ms. Mack's 1st Birthday Party.... 

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

IN&Out Day

One more look back - 39 weeks ago, Ms. Mack was at 39weeks gestation and was ready to come into the world!

Today is Ms. Mack's In&Out Day!!!

(In&Out Day, which makes me think of burgers, mmmmm, is the day that Ms. Mack has been "on the outside" for as long as she was "on the inside" - check out Ben's here!)

Friday, September 16, 2016


My grandparents were here last weekend for two nights, on their way through as they drove from Texas to Maine... (yes, DROVE... they are 81 and 79, and because my grandfather spent decades as a pilot for a commercial airlines, he hates refuses to fly as a passenger, and so - they. drive.)

They had such a good time with the kiddos (first time meeting Ms. Mack!) and it was the first quiet night (E was out of town watching the rocket launch in Florida) and the kids had just gone to bed - so we sat on the couch with a few glasses a bottle of wine, and talked - about my sister and her pending divorce (OMG have I told you guys about that?!) and about breastfeeding (my mom, her daughter, breastfed 3 babies - my grandmother breastfed a bit here and there amongst 5 babies...) and then (somehow) we talked about E's aunt who works in obstetrics, and told me recently that she had a patient come Thursday before Labor Day and had "fetal demise" - had to deliver her baby stillborn...

And then my grandmother, an only child, told me that her mother (forever and always formally called "Mother," as her generation was raised so...) - she told me that my great-grandmother had a stillborn before delivering her baby daughter... a little boy born silently into this world...

It was my first time in 31 years hearing that my grandmother was not an only child... and hearing it now as a mother myself, my heart broke for a loss that happened decades ago, the same as it broke when the ultrasound tech at The Appointment shared with me about her 5-month-pregnancy loss, that happened 20+ years ago...

These women (and soooo many others) carry their losses with them for life - and I am so grateful for the women I've met who so graciously shared their stories, mostly, I think, as reassurance and empathy after my miscarriage... as a "you are not alone" arm around the shoulders:

A hug from our across-the-street-neighbor, a woman with three grown boys, who had a miscarriage between each and every pregnancy...

A comforting squeeze from a friend of my SIL - who I can even remember seeing with her husband at a summer party just a few days/weeks after their miscarriage (also around 12 weeks, if I remember correctly) wondering, not having any idea, how they could feel, and be at a party... how I wondered what to say - act is if it never happened? - I know now... (hopefully I gave her a good squeeze, and stuck to the I'm so sorry...)

So much love from my MIL, who had a miscarriage, followed by her third child, a sweet baby boy, who didn't see his first birthday, after a fight with childhood leukemia (I still find I remind myself of that - this woman, who can sometimes seem so ditsy and loopy, has suffered through burying her child YEARS before someone "should" be buried...)

I don't always remember to remember dates from my first ill-fated pregnancy - the date of loss passing quickly in a blur of calendar days crossed off work-week by work-week... or the due date that, should "everything have gone to plan," we could expect to head off to the hospital and meet our new little...

This November 30th will mark the 4th year that the date came and went... the first year I was so grateful, but fraught with nerves as I marked "34 weeks left!",  to be expecting a new little sweet pea. The next year, life didn't even pause, as we traveled cross-country with our adorable 4-month-old Button... and the third year? even busier - in fact, too busy to blog, so Halloween (daycare parties to bake for, costumes to shop for, pumpkins to carve) wasn't posted on until December!
(I guess it's another look-back post... lol)

All that to say, this year will most likely be similar - we'll be just past a flurry of Thanksgiving festivities: fighting with homemade lattice-work crusts for the in-high-demand-by-FIL apple-pie, trying to keep over-zealous in-laws from feeding Ms. Mack food in sizes/chunks she's not ready for yet (but might be soon! First tooth breaking through any hour now!) and glutton-ing ourselves until we're too full to do anything but loll in front of the TV...

some famous quote - If you are constantly looking back, you're going to miss what's right in front of you... (or something like that! you get the sentiment!)
I guess I've been doing a decent job of looking forward, and not back...

Just like the women who shared with me, I will be busy with life, and my living children, the day-to-day banality of work, dogs, chores and hobbies; yet every once in awhile, I'll give myself a squeeze, think of the ultrasound picture tucked away in my nightstand, and toss up an I'll love you forever! to the sky, letting it float off my finger tips, before I turn and help Button wipe his tush once more... (ha!)

Thursday, September 15, 2016

copy-cat look-back

Because I'm bored at work (boss is out today and tomorrow...) and should not, under any circumstances be buying more LuLaRoe (it starts with staying off the BuySellTrade page!!! and - well, I bought another Cassie and a pair of leggings last night.... -_- ) I'm instead blogging...

A cool look back, at this time one year ago (to be exact, September 14, 2015) when I was 25 weeks pregnant with little Ms. Mack, wondering if she would, like her big brother, also make her entrance to the world with no regard to schedules and appointments (yup!)

And then, at this time two years ago (September 15, 2014) when I was enjoying what I thought was a crazy- and fun-filled life (oh past-K, wait til you have two kids!) with a 14-month-old, saying/hearing things I never thought I'd say/hear (like "Button, get your fingers out of the dog's eyeballs!")

Even farther back, three years ago - I apparently was too crazy in September of 2013 to post anything - I guess having a 2 month old can do that to you... my return to blogger-existence finally came on October 3, 2013 when I word-vomited how I became an Exclusive Pumper and told tales of our trip into NYC to visit a neurologist to make sure Button's funny-little egg-head was just that, a funny shape, and not anything more serious that may require a helmet (it wasn't - no helmet, and a fabulous dome now on top of Button's shoulders!)

And whole four years ago (holy cow... FOUR YEARS?! I've been revealing details of my life (like when E learned about menstrual cycles?!) for over four years?!) - a whole four years ago, I was two months into TTCAL (and one cycle away from Button's conception, little did I know) and was desperate for a peek into the future...

I couldn't even have dreamed back then where I'd be in four years - yet here I am, September 15, 2016 one day away from a weekend with no plans - a weekend to spend all day(s) with my two babies...

Happy almost-Friday!

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Balancing Mom Hacks...

Listen - you've gotten find balance in life... and I feel like I've finally found/accepted that in the last few weeks...

like Monday evening after I got home with the kiddos and we were waiting for Daddy to get home from work - some nights I would plop Ms. Mack in the highchair with some puffs, and Button would get into all kinds of crap play in the living room while I cleaned up the kitchen a little and got dinner going...

instead, that night, we had a rocking dance party...
the play list?
"I Like to Move It (Move It)" 

and "Everybody Dance Now" by C&C Music factory

 and "Who Let the Dogs Out"

let's just say my white girl moves totally came out...

and I totally attempted this...

(and boy, Button went down for bed later like a DREAM... we were all worn out!)

But really - I've accepted that clean clothes will sit in folded piles (eventually I go through them and they're all in the hamper again anyways!) in favor of reading the second Outlander book (or watching another episode!)

Or the dishes in the sink will sit for one more day in favor of crocheting another square for Ms. Mack's blanket (my goal is to have it finished by Christmas... with over 2 seasons of Outlander to watch, it shouldn't be hard!)

Balance - work hard (from the hours of 9-5 and then some (at home), of course) and play hard!

Some other Mom Hacks that can help you find balance (or just help you do the fun stuff and skip the work part!):

1. If you're like me and become a whirling tasmanian devil during the get-ready-for-work/daycare morning craziness, a good time-saving tip was to send Ms. Mack to daycare in her PJs... hear me out - the night before, just dress baby in a clean onesie and pants that can pass for clothes...
The next morning, you can go straight to daycare after a diaper change!

2. (stealing from the internet) trying to get the house cleaned in the 5 minutes you have before family comes over??

3. speaking of baskets... BUY ALL THE BASKETS (like when Michaels has a sale!!) It makes the tornado-clean-up so much easier... we have a basket for little boy toys, a basket for little girl toys, a basket for big Daddy shoes, a basket for Mommy shoes, a basket for - you get the idea, right?

4. A recently discovered one: scrub your tub while giving baths - you're already in there on your hands and knees - have Daddy take the clean kiddos and do a really quick scrub!