Friday, November 30, 2012

alternate universe

Somewhere, in some distant parallel universe, I'm getting ready to have a baby...

Somewhere, I am wondering if these are THE contractions, and not just Braxton Hicks...
Somewhere, I start watching the clock and counting off minutes in between... 4 minutes... 3 minutes...
Somewhere, I call E (and Somewhere, he's most likely doing some fire department thing so it may take awhile to get in contact) and tell him, "Honey, it's Time!"

Somewhere, I mentally go over the checklist and make sure The Bag has everything we'll need...
Somewhere, I call my parents and IL's and let them know, It's Started.

Somewhere, I warn E not to kill us on the drive to the hospital...
Somewhere, they snap a plastic bracelet that says "Daddy" onto my husband's wrist...

Here - I look at the calendar and see the EDD for a baby I will never meet.

But the sharp edges aren't as blunt as they used to be - now they are slightly rounded, and made a little softer by a new little sweet pea, for whom I pray, every minute of every day, and that, in about 34 weeks, will be Here.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Tis the Season...

Any energy I've had the past few weeks has gone towards getting through the work day so I can get home and crash on the couch...

hence the reason that this simple project, a holiday felt garland, took over 1.5 weeks... but I can finally say it's finished and hanging up... (whew)

the beginnings last week:

The pieces (I added gingerbread men the next night)

Getting ready to string it all up:

Finished product (FINALLY)

And you know, one more - since this entry is so JPEG heavy...
For shits and giggles and because I'd heard LH and HSG are VERY similar, and hcg would trigger a positive (and because I just can't stop this PIAC fetish...) I present to you an OPK at 5w3d:

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Leaking and can't remember my witty title...

So I was parked on the couch all day Sunday, unshowered in my PJs, watching the tail end of a movie I'd never seen - The Ant Bully.

Apparently some kid was being mean to ants, so some ant wizard shrunk him to their size so he could begin to empathize with the ants... (who the hell is writing kids' movies lately?? This is the best you could come up with??)
Anyways - so like I said - I only saw the last 20 minutes or so.  So who the hell can explain why I started crying when the little boy was finally able to "THINK like an ant!" motivated by the cheers of the six-legged colony?!?!

And don't get me started on the brain farts... by 6:30 I still hadn't moved from the couch (except for numerous bathroom and kitchen trips for emptying of bladder and filling of stomach) when I got a text from a girlfriend:

"Hey is everything ok?"


Apparently, the plans I made to have dinner at my girlfriend's, Sunday night at 6pm, completely just up and left my brain at some point...

BUT - I will gladly take the embarassing sob fests at poorly-written children's movies and a seive for a brain for this pregnancy...
First appointment is a week from Thursday - and I'm already considering staging the ultimate PGAL freak out with the nurse who helped me through the mc, in hopes that she'll suggest an u/s NOW to ease my mind... At least these first few weeks feel like they're passing quicker than the first pregnancy - it probably didn't help that I checked my ticker/countdown apps HOURLY as opposed to the every-other-day fashion I have currently adopted...

Also - please send serious hugs and T&Ps to LauraKat and her husband, she just news of a not-so-great 2nd beta...

Monday, November 26, 2012

Failing & Moles...

So I was all so excited Saturday to get going on the photo-class assignments, and then decorating for christmas...


I went outside with my camera to find some nice leaves blowing in the wind for a quick-shutter shot, and when the wind wouldn't cooperate and I got too cold, I gave up and went inside.  After 5 minutes. Fail.

And then - I decided (whether out of sheer laziness or true "It's-still-too-early" fashion) I wasn't going to put up Christmas decorations until it was officially December - my little pumpkins still look so cute with all the fall leaves and pumpkin candles!

So after fighting overzealous crowds to get some Christmas shopping done, I came home and worked on a Christmas garland I saw almost a year ago on this awesome blog (and here I am, yes, a year later, finally getting it done!) *pictures to follow*

And my mom is so proud of me* - I had an appointment this morning with a dermatologist to check out some moles.  *(Her side of the family has a strong history of skin issues like basal cell carcinoma and squamous cell.)  And you know - I'm hitting that weird age when health care professionals, DOCTORS, are my age - and they walk in and I'm all, "Aren't you a little young to be a DOCTOR?!"
 So she sits and asks all the questions - that I ALREADY ANSWERED on the paperwork thats sitting RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER in my file...
She notes the only medications I'm on - PNVs - and I wait for the question, wondering if she's asked patients before and gotten no's because it takes a good 5-6 minutes: "ARE you pregnant? Or just trying?"

When we discuss the removal of the mole that's bugging me, I ask if the shots required are safe during pregnancy - she says one isn't, but they can do the removal without it - good news.

So while I'm laying back, holding my shirt down and thinking Thank god I shaved my armpits this morning!, she asks if this is my first pregnancy - no.  And then she asks "So how old's your first?"

But doctor didn't get all awkward when I told her, oh no - it ended in a miscarriage.  She was very quick to offer a sincere "I'm so sorry..." and move on to the task at hand. 

So now I'm mole-less on my right ribcage, and the photo-class assignment is officially late (not that the class is for credits or anything that requires a "Pass") so tonight I'll be changing bandages, trying to get assignments done, finishing up the Christmas garland that I'm not ready to hang yet, and moving onto the fourth and final week's photo class at the same time... typical.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Mission: Impossible

We just got back from staying over at our friends' house after the birthday party (we conveniently skipped the skating part for anyone curious...)  *We stay with our friends because they live near the birthday girl, who lives about an hour south, and that's just a crappy drive to make late at night...

So we walked into Mr. and Mrs. Friends' apartment last night with our dogs, and of COURSE - they offer us a pre-party drink... *ahem* no, ummmm.... I think I'll wait to "drink" til we get to the bar...

And Mr. Friend, within 4 seconds of us arriving, starts asking about a bun in the oven... JEEEESUS the guy's a hound dog... I chuckled, shook my head no - and made sure to "sip" E's beer in front of him while at the bar later... not sure if he fell for it... OH WELL.

I'm finally really moving along on the BuggyList* online photography class - we're in week 3 and diving into shutter speed and aperture - ISO, white balance, and F-stops - OH MY!

I have 36 hours until the "assignment" is due, so I'm off to be all artsy-fartsy!  (I almost guarantee I'm going to be submitting pictures of Christmas shit, because YES - I'm getting out aaaalll the decorations today - 'TIS THE SEASON!!)

Friday, November 23, 2012

The bewbs are back!

Sore boobs that is - woke up this morning and (grope here, grope there ) - YUP.  Still most definitely tender.

And - I made it without POAS.  Officially.

And (as evident by last night's turkey-coma-post) I am on an emotional pendulum... Today I feel better, and calm about everything because, hey - que sera sera.

I believe that whatever's going to happen with this pregnancy, is already written in my story.  So I will keep calm, eat everything in sight, sleep for waaaay longer than is normally healthy, and enjoy each day.

Because I'll probably be back on the other side of that pendulum any day - heck any hour now...

So around these parts (image that in a red-neck mountains-of-Virginia accent) Thanksgiving Eve is a big party night to go out and hit up the bars/clubs.  For the past 5 or 6 years, we've had a party because, well we're just lame and hate fighting crowds and waiting in line to pay $6 for a bottle of beer...

So Wednesday night, E went with his guys to a local hole-in-the-wall bar that we've all been going to for years... In fact, E and the guys started reminiscing, waxing nostalgic, about the fact that it's been awhile since they were all last at the bar... One of our friends said, "Actually (ironically?!) I think the last time we were all here was when you and K told us you were pregnant..."
E told me this story the next morning (and not when he got home that night, because I was assed out on the couch) and said to me, "You know how bad I wanted to respond with something like, Well HMPFH - isn't THAT funny, because guess what?!"

We'll just have to remind our friends of that night when we finally tell them...

I also completely forgot - tonight's a roller-skating party for a friend's birthday (no she's not 10 - she's 31...) after which there will be lots of booze.

So dilemma 1 - I'm an active person, was a college athlete, am somewhat coordinated - I should be ok roller-skating, right?
And dilemma 2 - our friends know I enjoy a lovely adult beverage every now and then (oh, who am I kidding - lots of adult beverages every now and then... I am the current IrishCarBomb champion amongst our friends...) 
So for me to not be drinking at all? Is like lighting up a neon marquee:

We had devised a plan for Thanksgiving dinner - I would keep a glass of wine close to E's plate, and he would covertly drink out of it so the glass would eventually be empty, and meanwhile I'd be just touching it to my lips, pretending to sip.
I'm thinking its our best option, if we can pull that off with beer at the party...

For anyone who's had to deal with "keeping a secret" - what worked best for you??

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Waving the white flag..

Don't get me wrong, I'm so so grateful to be pregnant again.. but holy hell, this PGAL brain sucks BIG CAJONES.
The first day I try not POAS, I panic and think the sore nipples are no longer sore.. and this backache- impending miscarriage and doom? Or just from peeling and cutting 11 apples while bent over a garbage pail?
Waving the white flag, I watched with a sigh of relief as the wondfo showed me what I wanted..
And reminded myself that Tuesday's beta results were an awesome 1873, which gives me a doubling time of just about 34 hours..

But that appointment, two weeks from today, seems as far away as an oasis mirage to a parched man in the desert - it feels like it'll never be here.. and you know what sucks? A good appointment will appease a PGAL brain for only about 24 hours..

Because you know tragedy can strike within even minutes of seeing a reassuring heart flicker, and your next appointment, when you discover said tragedy, is weeks away.. so - would you rather find out the second "It" happens, or would you rather be able to "still be pregnant" for the last few weeks...

Today? I'm pregnant, and I love my baby. And I'm going to stuff my face in thanks for everything I have this year.

Happy Thanksgiving

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Welcome ICLW!

Welcome first time (and repeat) visitors to The Buggy List, you can find an intro/story here, and recently (exactly 9 days ago) I found out I am pregnant again. 
Waiting to hear (TODAY) the second beta from 19dpo - but I've finally allowed myself to get excited when the second line on the Wondfo officially became darker than the test line (and yes I'm still POAS, don't judge a PGALer!)

* I've got a dinner lined up tonight with a girlfriend, for which I've already pulled the "oh no, don't bother picking up any wine - I'm on antibiotics for a root canal anyways..."

* I got two awesome doses of good news at work, the first being a nice 8.5% raise (hollah for a dollah!) and the next about the lawsuit I have been working on like a madwoman: they are (FINALLY) appealing the ridiculous document requests the other side keeps submitting (last request was 56 items...) so I am greatly relieved to have that no longer looming over my head with a deadline of 11/30...

* Send much love to Katherine who got AWESOME news that her first round of IVF worked!
* Congrats to another PGALer Weaslewam who had a great first u/s today where she heard baby's heartbeat!
* Good vibes to aspGriswold for another awesome beta draw this Friday!

And now some fun JPEGs/GIFs because this post was kinda boring... (they'll get better I promise!)


And for anyone who says chivalry's dead:

p.s. If you have PGAL (or similar) brain, please be sure to get rid of all your red blankets so that when you pull down your underwear(and/or wipe) you do not see red fuzzies and freakthefuckout for a minute thinking its blood...

that's all.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Never listen to a tutu...

 Holy wow the weekend went by fast... which is good because today I finally get results of beta from Friday, and which is also bad - cuz who likes Monday?!

I had fBFF's baby shower Saturday morning - to which she invited women that she barely speaks to (tacky!) like E's cousin... But oh well, more people to sit with and bitch about how long she took to open gifts, bad food, and stupid games (creepy baby dolls in ice cubes that you had to melt - "any way possible" - and then yell "MY WATER BROKE!")

Her mother and MIL did awkward hugs with me saying hello, asking "how ARE you?" in the way that makes me think they see me as some pitiful broken wretch sitting at home... HA!

We sat (me and my gals) and gossiped about how big fBFF's butt had gotten (almost as big as her belleh!) and the gall of her family to not serve even WINE at the shower (this is where I secretly whewed as I dodged THAT bullet...)

Then it was time to go (finally) and I went to hug fBFF's mother, who's standing next to her sister and cousin - and she grabs me to ask AGAIN, how are you? You're trying again, right?? It's best, just try try again.

The gals and I got together that night to bash the shower  watch Twilight and Breaking Dawn Part I together, when I told them what she said... they couldn't believe it either...

And then the best part - our friend's new wife (the wedding we partied at a few weeks ago) blurts out, "Well, you know - she WAS wearing a tutu*...  Who the hell would trust/listent to anything she says!"

We all started cracking up - and that was that.  My gals got my back.

*and she, a 58-year-old-woman, most definitely wore a tutu to the shower:

*Heard from nurse about Friday's beta - her first words on the phone were, "Well, you ARE pregnant."

Thanks, as if the 7 days of tests, with a darker and darker second line, weren't a clue...

15dpo beta was 300.  According to this chart, the median is 139.

Me = Happy Panda.

Redraw tomorrow (19dpo)...

also - send tons of love and good vibes to apGriswold who got a beautiful BFP on Saturday!!

Friday, November 16, 2012

stoopid Spoiler Alert...

So I'll admit - I'm a Twihard.

HARDCORE Twihard - but not hardcore enough to go wait in line last night and battle tweenagers for the best seats at a midnight screening...

No I'm the mature, older Twihard that will be going for a matinee Sunday morning because 1 - $6 tickets?!? and 2 - no lines, no seat-snafus, no crowds...

So this morning, when I see a message board thread titled "Breaking Dawn Part II (SPOILER ALERT)" I'm all pshaw, I've read all four books so many times, there's not a single spoiler alert they can get me with...

And I read - THE SPOILER ALERT: (helloooooo SPOILER ALERT to Twihards!)

"I can't believe they killed ___________...."



There were rumors (before the movie actually came out) that they had changed the ending, and I had read a theory that they added an epic battle scene in the movie... I should have just left it at that, said to myself - ok yup, that's the change people are taking about.

Now I'm gonna be watching the movie Sunday morning, eyeing the character with pity, knowing he/she's gonna bite it... (HA - no pun intended...)

(Even though the second line got nice and dark this morning - YES I'm still peeing on sticks, don't judge - I'm going at lunch today for a beta draw... Here's to nice numbers!)

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

NoMo and sketchy news...

I spoke to the nurse yesterday about my dentist wanting me to take amoxicillin for a root canal.

First thing she said?

"Do you HAVE to take it?"

ummm..... not very reassuring...

She said they usually recommend AGAINST antibiotics during very early pregnancy, but that an x-ray is perfectly fine, so long as my "tummy is covered."  (I'll still be making them use double aprons...)

So I haven't called the dentist yet with the no-antibiotics news, and I'm wondering what he's going to say...

As for finally getting back to NoMoBloPo (...or is it NoMoPoBlo... I can never remember...)
they ask today,
What's the best meal you've ever made.



Yeaaaa -  I've caught taco shells on fire. (These flames were a good 3-4 inches... go me.) I've boiled a pot dry and ruined it.

In other words, I don't cook, and thank god I married a man who enjoys cooking.

On the rare occasion I DO cook,  I need an exact recipe (none of this "weeelll, I usually use flour, but if I don't have flour I'll use a pinch of this, and then SOMETIMES I use this instead of oil" MOM!)
I also usually knock it out of the park (ok it's usually just bland, but at the very least, edible.)

The big whopper for me is Baked & Breaded Scallops - brings my man to his knees everytime.  (And by everytime, that means the one time I actually made it for him, and by knees I DO NOT mean he's paying tribute to the porcelein god!)

I get very (over)ambitious snipping recipes from magazines, clipping them from soup cans (Cream of Mushroom is apparently a cooking staple...)

They're all recipes that I PLAN on trying (like make-your-own fruit pops!) but that I'll never get around to... I'm very comfortable with pasta and sauce, thankyouverymuch, or the pre-seasoned meats from our lovely butcher that only require an oven set, bake, and serve! Betty Crocker I am not.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

A checklist...

It wasn't all a dream... it really happened...

*images in camera are darker than they appear

I have created a checklist - things to do so you don't go BATSHITCRAZY as PGAL:

1. keep POAS. I don't care how dark it is (ok I do, it better get darker...) as long as there's still a line... I live for the mornings now - as soon as I see the second line for the day, it's hurry up work, hurry up dinner, hurry up sleep - so I can test again in the morning just to make sure!!
2. call Dr - ask when is the soonest they can do an u/s (even if you can't see baby/sac/fetalpole yet) to make sure it's not ectopic...

.... and that's as far as I've gotten so far... lol

I DO need to call and ask about the amoxicillin I'm supposed to be taking.  I know dental health is something that should be taken care of while TTC, I just hope it's ok to be taking the antibiotic now...

Because right now, I'm pregnant....

Monday, November 12, 2012

JINX you owe me a baby!

I was at the dentist this Saturday morning, getting a root canal (thanks mom for the really crappy dental genetics) and he had just finished "cleaning out" the root, and wanted to take an x-ray to make sure it was all clean...

So as the assistant got the heavy led apron ready and asked me, "You're not pregnant, right?"

I kind of froze - and tried to, around a numb left side and gauze stuffed into cheeks, explain how I *might* be pregnant, but I wasn't sure yet (alot of waving hands and head shakes/nods).

So the dentist comes back in, with a little grin on his face and rubs my shoulder like, oh they grow up so quickly! I wanted to be like, dude - dont be congratulating me - she said I'm not sure yet, right?!

So he prescribed the amoxicillin for the slight tooth infection I had, and said - ok so if you find out next week you ARE pregnant, call your OB/GYN and get permission to take these... and then I want written permission to take ONE X-RAY for this root canal...


I leave the office thinking, ohmigod I hope I didn't just jinx myself and I have to crawl in next week and sheepishly say, x-ray me up doc - you can take as many as you want...

And then yesterday morning I sat in the shower and gave Rand McNally a run for his money - examing and pouring over body parts (breasts, belly, thighs, arms) for the road-map-like veins that come from increased bloodflow that comes from pregnancy - "Is that I-80 right there? Runs from East to West across my thigh!!"

So this morning, after waking up at 4am to pee (slightly unusual - my bladder can usually make it to around 6) and temping (BEFORE getting out of bed of course) because I had no clue what time it was, and then somehow passing back out after tossing and turning trying to will myself back to sleep so I would have 3 hours down by my regular temping time of 7:05, I got up and decided to POAS (or more technically PIAC for some Wondfo strip &dip)

I waited til E had already left for work, because if there's anything worse than seeing a BFN yourself, it's having to tell your spouse that we're looking at another month, another cycle, another FW...

I started the timer on my phone, and purposefully hid the Wondfo in the bathroom while I began to get ready for work in the bedroom.  And the timer went off.

And I thought to myself in a panic, OHMYFUCKINGGOD - WHATIFITSNEGATIVE...

I creeped into the bathroom, heart pounding out of my ears, and peeked around the toothbrush holder to check out the pink-pee-strip...

and fell to the bathroom floor sobbing. (I told you I would, come good or bad.)

There's something I have wanted to say again for the past 5 months and 28 days...

I'm pregnant...

Sunday, November 11, 2012

A little crazy goes a long way...

Especially at 10dpo with symptoms out the WAZOO.

(Yea, wazoo... mom's from Georgia originally and says it alot - must a southern thing... you know, kind of like "Bless her heart" and it translates to "what a bitch" - well wazoo translates to ass. so symptoms out the ass.)

I've gotten over 11 hours of sleep the past two nights, and have still been able to crash on the couch at 10pm...

Like yesterday - E had his annual Gore Fest - his guys, gory movies*, and good drinks.. (*and by Gory I mean ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING - like Human Centipede disgusting...)
And after shopping with the female inlaws (cha-ching on $5 boots!!!) and shopping for fBFF's baby shower (btw fucking hell being in B.uyBuyBaby where everything I looked at from the registry got the reaction of "this is so fucking stupid, who needs this?!" - and yes, pregnant women are SMUG!) I stayed in for the night, rented Breaking Dawn Part I (which Fios somehow had for just $0.98 - how could I not?!) and fell asleep by 10:30. (tell me I'm not living the life with that kind of Saturday night...)

And I proceeded to sleep til 10am this morning (minus the temping at 7:05 - which is still up... and speaking of temps - I temped again at 10, just for shits and giggles because I realized I was asleep again for almost the three required hours - it was up 0.5 degrees from the 7 temp, and how I would love if that was my real temp because then I'd continuously chart-stalk myself and be like, SQUEEE you're triphasic!)

That combined with the same  slight headache I had for 2 days before my last BFP, and the lovely (but imagined?!) "I'm-gonna-vom-or-eat-my-left-arm-if-I-don't-get-breakfast-soon" feeling when I wake up... My body is driving me crazy.

I hate that I've nearly convinced myself this is it - and because I have, I'm terrified to POAS.  I had thought I'd be ready to start testing this morning... but even if it's BFN, I'll do the stupid "but silly girl, it's way too early to really know! ignore that negative! It'll be positive tomorrow...
So, the plan might be to wait as long as I can(even though my temps don't reliably drop right before AF because, you know body, that would be a nice headsup...)

Friday, November 9, 2012

WHAT morning sickness?!

For anyone who's seen Two Weeks Notice with Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant, you know the scene where he congratulations the big lady, who's NOT pregnant, on her future baby, and she's all:

No, REALLY, what baby!?

Well that was me at one of the wakes for E's grandfather...
One of the firefighters, an old creepy guy that no one really likes, hugs me and asks how I'm doing, I say fine, yada yada.

Then he says, "So any morning sickness?"

... I'm all

and then

And finally he figures out I'm NOT pregnant, and I'm wondering why the hell he thinks I am (as no one in the firehouse knew of previous pregnancy, us trying, etc)

When I mention it to E later, I find out that he told him, at a wedding 3 weeks ago, that we were planning on taking a HPT very soon and had high hopes.

And of course, former BFF was there at the wake - and the only silver lining to that was that I got to witness my awesome and loyal SIL pick on her for being "SO BIG already, and ZOMG you're not due til Christmas day?!"

I think fBFF is getting that alot these days as she seemed to have a canned response of "Due on Christmas, but I'm ready now!" all quipped and spewing out fast... Her shower is in a few weeks and I finally checked out her registry yesterday - the girl is registered FOR EVERY SINGLE THING in BuyBuyBaby... 4 different car seats, each $200?!?!?

anyways... Somehow, with the storm, and wakes and funerals the past week, I've zoomed to 8dpo...
And I must be trying to fool the universe - I had two glasses of wine at the repast on Wednesday...
I'm basically a drink-til-its-pink kinda gal, but when phantom/real symptoms start messing with me, I tend to cut waaaay back - but I must be trying to fool the universe into thinking, "Oh look at me, all blase - obviously not trying to get pregnant, drinking a glass of wine and all (but universe, really, I think I'm in denial that I'm so close to testing - PLEASE I WANT A BABY) but you know maybe I'll just open a beer with my FIL because it's ok (but universe, I'm not really drinking it - I just want you to THINK I am, because it seems that you give babies to people like the irresponsible nurse at my job who's had 2 abortions, this will be her third child with a third babydaddy...)

I'm not sure I'm ready, whether positive or negative outcome, for 12dpo to arrive...

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Core-crunching and Crazed...

And that would be pineapple core... making sure to nom on some every day until I sob my face off at either BFN or BFP (and I'm pretty sure I'll cry at either one)

We're all pretty and dusted with our first snowfall, but the freezing temperatures were the last thing this region needed with so many out of power still...
All done and back from wakes, funeral and services for E's grandfather, work is INSANE, with a million things that needed to be done yesterday...

So I will be catching up on blogging/reading/commenting hopefully tonight!

Monday, November 5, 2012

The Rules

My mother has, on a decorative end table, an old green, scuffed, soft leatherbound book.  The writing's nearly worn off the cover, and the binding is completely illegible.

I sat down one day, bored out of my skull, and picked it up to start thumbing through the pages of Emily Post's Guide to Etiquette, published in 1922.  I chuckled over some of the seriously outdated material:

  It is doubtful if he who carries a solitaire ring enclosed in a little square box and produces it from his pocket upon the instant that she says “Yes,” exists outside of the moving pictures!

WHO was it that said—in the Victorian era probably, and a man of course—“The only mechanical tool ever needed by a woman is a hair-pin”? He might have added that with a hair-pin and a visiting card, she is ready to meet most emergencies. (I've always considered myself "ready to meet most emergencies" when armed with a good mani/pedi, a strong drink, and a fierce blowout...)

Do not attract attention to yourself in public. This is one of the fundamental rules of good breeding. Shun conspicuous manners, conspicuous clothes, a loud voice, staring at people, knocking into them, talking across anyone—in a word do not attract attention to yourself. (Emily Post would be spinning in her grave if she met the cast of The Jersey Shore...)
There WERE a few items that I thought still were applicable to modern day:
 A man is a cad who tells anyone, no matter who, what his wife told him in confidence, or describes what she looks like in her bedroom. ("Don't kiss and tell!")
If children see temper uncontrolled, hear gossip, uncharitableness and suspicion of neighbors, witness arrogant sharp-dealing or lax honor, their own characters can scarcely escape perversion. (Apples don't fall far from trees!)
THIS one, I can't decide if it's outdated, or still the best sage advice one can heed:
NEVER discuss politics and religion with friends/on a first date/at a dinner party.
And NaBloPoMo's prompt for today is just that: politics and thoughts on the upcoming election.
I used to be unaware and ignorant of any candidate's stance, political party, and platforms.  The farther I might have ever gotten into "politics" were the platforms chosen by beauty pagaents ("WORLD PEACE!")
I am still somewhat ignorant: I always forget whether Democrats are red or blue, and if Republicans are Donkeys or Elephants... (my mom failed at her memory tricks - something like, "remember - elephants are BLUE, and neither word has an R in it, so they're for Republicans...." huh?!)
I can tell you all about the memes from this year's race...
So my thoughts on tommorrow's election for the next leader of the free world??
I just hope that the east coast is accurately represented - I hope that people can find it in themselves to get to polls, despite loss of house and home.  It is an important day, with an important decision to make.

**Personal stuff - 4DPO here, hope is distant on the horizon and I'm thinking I'll let myself POAS a little earlier than normal - this coming sunday at 10DPO...

Also, E's grandfather passed away yesterday after an 8 day struggle (that was in all actuality a 7 year struggle after his stroke...)  We'll be at wakes (and inbetween meals) tomorrow from 1:30 til 9, with the funeral on Wednesday... apologies for any absences, I may have to triple up on NaBloPoMo on Thursday...

Saturday, November 3, 2012

in the numbers

I'm a numbers person, through and through... While I can't do (quick) basic math in my head (anyone remember the hand trick for your 9x times tables?!) I just get numbers.

I get it when they say there is still over 1 million customers without power, and 119 houses burnt to the ground in BreezyPoint (Queens, NY), and estimates of $50billion plus in damages from Sandy...

But these numbers confound me...

170 OPKs since Nov 2011
250+ tampons and counting since May 2011 (first official cycle off BCP)
17 HPTs since September 2011
2 U/S
1 saline sono.
1 Positive HPT
1 Pregnancy
1 miscarriage
0 babies

I know I don't have it "bad" - there are women that can add to their "score" multiple rounds of medications, needle jabs, beta tests, and even more miscarriages - I don't lose sight that their pain is something I can't claim to understand.

But I also know there are women (like an old/former BFF) who's tally's don't include a single OPK, have under 30 tampons, and a single HPT, with a big fat sum of 1 baby.

And you know...if given the option of "waking up" right now, say out of a coma/bad dream, not remembering the past months since The Appointment at 11w, and miraculously be where I WOULD have been had I not miscarried (over 36w) - I don't think I would want to. **But hey - If you ask me that after all those tally's have doubled - I believe I would take it in heartbeat...

Right now, for me a big part of it is BEING pregnant - watching and feeling my belly grow, watching baby grow on screen, getting to the u/s where they can't even fit the whole baby on screen, they can only zoom in on certain body parts... feeling movement and kicks from inside...

I know that the process to a baby might not (but please god I hope it does) entail actual carrying a child - there are shit sticks getting handed out out there, I know.

But please let me be able to add, to that stupid tally above, the number 2 next to pregnancy, and have a nice summation at the end = 1 baby...

p.s. I think I'm officially in the 2ww, at about 2DPO - but I don't have much hope... yea, our timing was pretty decent (O and O-2) but I think I have a YI now (symptoms aren't even close to STRONG enough to cause discomfort, but I will be calling DR on Monday morning)
anyone know if that has any impact on this whole deal?

FX that the cycle during which I feel the least hope will lead to BFP, like what happened to my HOT MAMA Wease @ MoreSalt!!! (CONGRATS AGAIN LADY!!)

Friday, November 2, 2012

My paradise...

Everyone has hopes that, post-storm/disaster/whatever - citizens unite, supplies are shared, efforts are joined, and it's time to REBUILD.

Well, the reality is passing a gas station, one of only a handful in the ENTIRE COUNTY that is currently open and pumping gas, to see a line of people on foot lugging as many gas jugs as they can carry, cars queued for MILES around blocks, under overpasses, through intersections - unaware that the gas station is enforcing a $10 ration for everyone (given today's gas prices that is UNDER 3 gallons).
Reality is an ambulance on standby at said gas station because people are pulling guns (this particular incident yielded no injuries) and throwing punches at line-jumpers.

Now's a perfect time to escape this reality, if even for a little, and consider today's NaBloPoMo prompt:

"If you could live anywhere, where would it be?"

I would live in ITALY  and have an apartment in each of these two towns:


We visited both of these places on our honeymoon (these are actually my pictures) and it's what makes up MY paradise.

I could look through all of our honeymoon pictures (OVER FOUR THOUSAND) over and over and over , reliving each boat ride through the canals of Venice, each sidewalk cafe where we learned more and more Italian (una bicchiere de vino rosso was quickly memorized for wine requests), each hand painted Carnivale mask... and each hairpin turn as we drove down the coast to Positano, each market and lodging carved right into the side of the mountain, each crystal clear blue lap of water...

Our largest worries were: at which market would we get dinner for that night... and would we eat inside or  al fresco... would we roll our pantlegs to go wading in the Mediterranean or don swimsuits and large floppy straw hats to sit poolside on a roof, overlooking paradise.

As much as E and I are people that like to be constantly experiencing new things, I would go back in a heartbeat, and still hope we get to revisit our paradise for a big anniversary - hey, hopefully we can celebrate our 10th there, with new worries such as - Do we bring the kids to the beach, or take them to the Isle of Capri??

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Hoarder - GUILTY as charged

I'm a hoarder:

*of shoes, first and foremost.  (whenever baby comes, we'll be battling for closet space in the currently spare bedroom!)
and my collection will never be complete until I own a pair of each:
pic namepic namepic name
(and if you have to ask what the RedBottoms are at the end - leave my blog.  right. now. 
ok, kidding - you can stay, but please email me for a verbal lashing...)

*of piercings (ok, hoarder might be a strong word, but at one point I had 16... still have 8 currently in)

*of clothes - when we moved into our house, we bought me two dressers, and hubby still had to build another into our crawlspace, in addition to my custom closet...

*and of quotes...

It's time for NaBloPoMo (... or National Blog Posting Month, but in a much funner name that rolls of the tongue like a Dr. Seuss character) and the prompt for today asks for your favorite quotation.

I hoard quotes - for cute wall art, for cool tattoos, for inspirational phone back grounds, for shits and giggles - I gather and collect quotes: I rip pages out of magazines, I take screen shots on my phone, I jot them down on gas receipts...

I even have a journal where I hand-copied pages and pages of some of my favorites (entire poems and songs included...)

Hopefully, it doesn't speak bad for my character when I say - I CAN.NOT pick just one favorite...

Ask me on CD1 and it may be something like "It's always darkest before the dawn."
Ask me in the middle of FW and it may be something like "Nothing can stop the [wo!]man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal." Thomas Jefferson
Ask me right near the end of a 2ww and it may be something like "I am prepared for the worst, but hope for the best." Benjamin Disraeli

How about when, month after month of temp drops and BFNs and you dread hearing from any married friends because it might be that news as they bypass you - it could be something like:
"Success is sweet - the sweeter if long delayed and attained through manifold struggles and defeats." A. Branson Alcott

But a favorite? impossible to choose...

So I'll just close with a personal quote:  Wherever you are in life, BE PRESENT.  Live for now, because there are no guarantees a "then" will come...