What's In My Bag??

Yea, just like your favorite magazine's peek into celebrity purses...

What's in MY bag right now?!

(I mean, I laughed a few years ago that you could tell my purse belonged to a woman pregnant with number TWO: kid toys and cars along with extra clean underwear! lol)

I spy..... a rogue diaper and wipes

You know... in case you ever get stuck out somewhere and the littlest one shits herself??

I also spy.... 

a random tupperware bowl (no top!) and a crab bath squeezer.
pretty self-explanatory, no??

I spy...wipes sponsored by Saturday's grocery-store-food-sample-givers. 

mmmm..... sausage wipes...

We also want to apologize to Premio, we basically negated any profit you may have made by eating or spilling every single one of your sample cups of sweet&spicy and fetaMushroom sausage...

I spy.... 

breakfast (and raisins which stay in the purse as emergency stash against low-blood-sugar and oops-we were out shopping too long and now it's lunchtime and everyone's starving...)

and the free samples we get from the pediatrician's office that I now use as hand cream...

Mix in some half-used crumpled tissues, a random lip gloss (that I've never used), an old check stub or three... and of course my electronic extensions - cell phone and nook... 

and that's what's in my bag. 

Love. No Matter What

so yesterday, I walked into Button's room at daycare to see him sitting next to one of the teachers - and not in a "Teacher's Pet - I'm so good" kind of way, more like, "I'm being punished, pout pout."

And when I shot a questioning look to the teacher, she tells me, "we're having a little bit of 'sad time' right now, because he hit Mya on the head with a book..."

so I squatted down in front of him, of course conscious of trying not to undermine the discipline the teacher was in the midst of administering, and said, "Button - did you tell her you were sorry?"

And he whispered, no, so I said, "ok why don't you go apologize?" and when he hesitated, I offered to go with him - strength in numbers.

But on the stroll to the "library station" (four feet away) he broke down into tears, eventually stuttering out an apology to Mya (who said, "It's ok [Button] - it didn't even hurt!")

And for some reason, I found tears threatening to pool in my eyes at Button's angst, and had to clear my throat before speaking again to him or the teacher. 

Then I realized, and said to one teacher as Button was off getting his coat from his cook, 'I think Button was embarrassed/ashamed that I was witness to him misbehaving!'


And I flashed on those articles I've read over the past few years - stories of teenage sons/daughters out partying, but brave enough to call home for a safe ride when they knew things were getting out of control, secure in their parents' love, no matter what.

And on the drive home, I was all - OMG I CAN'T WAIT TO DO THIS! YES, A PARENTING MOMENT THAT I TOTALLY FEEL PREPARED FOR AND READY TO KNOCK OUT OF THE PARK! (you take 'em where you can get 'em!)


So we got home, unpacked, took the dogs out, etc and once settled in I squatted down to his level and said, "Button - I don't like that you hit Mya with the book, and I'm upset that you didn't apologize sooner, but I still love you.  No matter what you do or say, even if I don't like what you've done or said - I will always love you."

And he said, "Ok, Mom," and gave me a hug. And then when E got home from work, Button decided to tell his dad about what happened, secure in his parents' love that while there may be times he upsets or disappoints us, we will always love him.

No matter what.

RIGHT NOW: halfway thru November

Reading:  A Thousand Letters by Staci Hart. It was a free download and/or something suggested by BookBub.  It's ok, I just refuse to ever really give up on books. I've only done that once (mmmmmaybe twice). I'm only 40 pages from finishing this one now, then on to better books! (I've also SMASHED my GoodReads 2017 Reading Challenge of 50 books - about to finish book number 77!)

Watching: Outlander (which is about to be next on my Reading list... season three is on Starz now, I've read through book 5 - but I may start to go back and re-read... these are 1,000-page sagas that require re-reading once or twice ;)
Also, when I can get to my DVR : This Is Us (I haven't started on the current season...), Outdaughtered, and Rattled

Listening: soundtrack to La La Land... I also sing The Audition to Ms. Mack at bedtime...

Drinking: Coffee

Eating: (finished my breakfast - dunkin' sandwich - 20/30 minutes ago... snack pack - granola, cheese and apples - in about 30 minutes...)

Wearing: my can't-find-anything-to-wear go-to work uniform: skinny slacks (burgundy), collared shirt (floral) underneath a V-neck sweater (cream) and flats (brown Tory Burch)

Loving: APPLE CIDER. I had three mugs on Sunday...

Anticipating: a slew of deadlines at the end of this month at work...

Following: a first-stranger-now-friend's secondary infertility journey. She is in the midst of her first round of IVF - had 8 eggs retrieved Saturday, embabies (4!) are on day 4 and 'look great' so far!

Wondering: what the next year or so holds - E finally made up his mind (re: expansion vs move) and it looks like we'll be moving. so the search has very sloooowly started.
He'd rather spend weeks/months/years researching every little facet, finding THE PERFECT house in THE PERFECT town with THE PERFECT schools - all for THE PERFECT price. (does that exist?!?!)
and I am feeling in a little bit more of a rush - Ms. Mack and Button still share a room, and Button is very close to needing a twin (he's still in a toddler bed!) and it will get pretty crowded in there, and by the time next summer rolls around - I'd LOVE to have the backyard/land to let the kids go play in the backyard while I watch them from the kitchen and cook dinner...

Trying: to find/maintain balance... I have so many balls up in the air (plates spinning? insert your favorite euphemism here...) and I keep adding more... my book I've been writing (gave myself a 12/31/17 deadline!) and the clothes I've bought patterns for to sew (kids' christmas PJs, dress and cardigan for myself) and crochet projects (like LittleHatsBigHearts - if you crochet or knit, check it out!) and the singing mom group, and the online clothing boutique, and Thanksgiving is coming - my sister is coming down with her girls - can I get off work? And then the week after is her 30th birthday and so my mom is flying up and we'll drive to Massachusetts for the weekend...
And the week AFTER that is Ms. Mack's 2nd birthday party, must buy Minnie Mouse theme things...
yea, so.
balance...

Worrying:  about the violence and hatred in the world, and hearing of another shooting, and being out in public places and worrying at every one of them (movie theaters, places of worship, restaurants, elementary schools) about how I would escape or hide, how I would grab my kids, which way I would go, and evaluating people, judging their 'dangerousness' based on their looks...

Planning:  the Social  part of my balancing - I need this weight on my scales: a play date this Saturday, a Friendsgiving next Wednesday night, a visit from my sister and nieces, a visit and birthday celebration with my mom and sister

Contemplating: a job change... the solvency of my current job is a scary prospect, and has been for some time... I'm pretty 'high up' and would (theoretically) be one of the last ones out the door if the shit hit the fan, but it's getting cumbersome and tiring to be constantly worrying about if the next payroll or mortgage payment is covered.
2018 may hold a LOT of change for me!

As I Say, Not As I Do...

quickly, before I launch a fun "Right Now" episode - apparently now E is more set on moving than expanding our current house.

(looooong story shorter: we moved into town knowing the high school was NOT GREAT, but figured it was down the road / the town would succeed in pulling out of the NotGreatRegional high school / we weren't even PG yet, we'd worry about it later! 

But then we fell more in love with our street - a dead-end off of a dead-end! - and the neighbors, and the town, and the daycare (which is so conveniently in town!)

So then it was, ok if we can solve the high school issue - private? hope to send out of district? - then let's just expand these levels in this way, it'll add 2 bedrooms and a larger kitchen! DONE!)

But now, apparently E is leaning back solidly toward just moving... we're so envious of our friends with a huge FLAT backyard (I know, we redid part of our backyard a few years ago... but still...) and that's probably the only thing we can't really change about our house - the back is only walk-out-accessible from the basement... 

(oh wow, this is totally not quick.... anyways)

so I pulled up a house on Zillow yesterday, joking, "Hunnie I FOUND THE ONE!" for comparable price, given the area. (but it was pretty nice!)

and the first two things E says when I show him:

   1. "man, look - this kitchen has even less counter space than we do now..." (but it had an island!)

   2. "pretty small backyard" (not really, it's bigger than the section of yard we're using now!)

ANYWAYS - not that they may not have been true, but I simply said - "well how come the first things you say to a house have to be negative?"

and then he DRAMATICALLY shut my phone off (where he was looking at pictures of the house) and said, "oh god - no, we will NOT BE ABLE TO DO THIS (house hunt) if you're like THAT!"

like what?! DAFUQ?! I asked simply why he had all negative things to say, and then he flipped out - AND THEN CALLED ME IRRATIONAL/EMOTIONAL.

yea, no - eff that.   And what bugged me most about it - if the situation were reverse (if E had found a  house, and I picked it apart first thing) he would have said the same thing/had the same reaction... but I AM 'THE EMOTIONAL ONE.'

(so yesterday I skipped Button's hockey sesh and went to Joann Fabrics, got fabric to make myself a cardigan, the kids Xmas PJs, and some slouchy beanies. oh yea, I started sewing! LOL)

ANYWAYS. (Maybe I'll post the RightNow tomorrow..... this got out of hand.... lol)