Getting loaded

and not the good-at-the-time-SO-BAD-IN-THE-MORNING kind of Saturday-night-loaded.

It's the mental load, and it's more precarious than

I read this article recently, titled The Mental Workload of a Mother and I can't help but think of it nearly every morning as I go through the load:

Ok, this project at work is due next Tuesday, which is also when the tax returns need to be filed with the State and Federal agencies.  
And the big annual cost report needs to be turned in pretty soon, crap - gotta ask coworker for the bad debt log...

Oh, and this Thursday is the first meeting of that singing group (of moms that miss music and singing) that I created, so I need to print sheet music, probably get it to them before Thursday, and get some wine and snacks....

And this Saturday is that Trunk-or-Treat with cousins, and then afterwards - was E doing his (like 4th) annual Gore-Fest with the guys? (and I wonder what movie(s) will top last year's choice - The Human Centipede... blech) And are we (me and kids) sleeping at cousin's house? 

I still need to go through all of the photos from the baby shower I photographed last Sunday... I already pared 985 pictures down to 181, but now it's time to cut more and lay out the book the customer wants...

And shit, speaking of the Trunk-or-Treat on Saturday, I need to finish the kids' costumes... Amazon prime is the key, but it's getting close to even the 2-day shipping cutoff! and I still need to actually ASSEMBLE / sew Button's costume....

and I have to remember I booked a mini-photo-session for family pictures on November 5th... after Button's ice hockey clinic that morning at 9:45, we'll have to be sure to get home and get Ms. Mack down for a nap so everyone's smiling later for the camera.... and outfits?!?!?

and I just went through those bins of 2T girl clothes, must remember there were 2 or 3 GREAT christmas dresses, so DO NOT BUY ANY MORE! 

and I need to figure out holiday pictures of the kids since I'll be doing them myself, and GOOD GOD it's November next Wednesday, so I need to GET ON THAT before I can order christmas cards and get them mailed out before New Year's Day, because I will blink and it will be 2018...

oh and my sister's 30th birthday! Mom is flying in from TX and we were going to drive up (to MA) and surprise her the first weekend in December! Except now she's kicked out her boyfriend (good news) but he was our contact for the surprise, so now what do I do??





All of that in my brain, but if I ask E when his next hockey game is, I get a blank stare, and a response of "I'm not sure, I'll have to check the schedule..."

recharging? or depleting?

an extroverted introvert?

or an introverted extrovert?


(whuck!?)



There are some nights I want to just cuddle up on the couch with the latest episode of Rattled, my most recent crochet project and a glass of Rose (or honey whiskey, as fall is supposedly around the corner...)

And then there are some nights that I just want to put on a pair of heels and go out with the girls and hold slender-stemmed martini glasses.

And usually those days and feelings don't cross - like, if I have dinner plans that night I don't feel pulled to sweats and messy hair. 


Tonight I have dinner plans with the girls, and I've spent the last three work days catching up (still not done) after a nice stretch in Texas (lakeside! drankin' berrrr and hanging with my family!) and this morning, the second morning in a row I felt the sore throat and aches, I wasn't sure I was up to a girls' night.


But sometimes I need charging - and while occasionally that charging is being alone (LOVE the nights E goes to play hockey. ha!) doing whatever I want (ok, mixed in with some laundry and organizing) sometimes I need a social charge.

You'd think I got enough of that with family in Texas - and maybe I did.

But I know this - I've never gone to a girls' night and then regretted it afterwards! (Only regretted the next morning how much we drank!)



Happy Friday!

I'm Learning "I'm Sorry..."

I'm learning (veeeeeh-ry slowly...) to say I'm sorry - and because it's easier (than with my husband - maybe I'll grow to that in a few MORE YEARS), I've started with my four-year-old.

I mean, how many times a week do I try to instill manners and kindness?

"What do you say?? (thank you)"

"I just WATCHED you smack your sister on the head! Tell her you're sorry!"

"I know it was an accident you spilled your entire cup of milk... just say, sorry mom and help me clean it up..."



Yet yesterday morning, when it was one of those days - you know, the kind where at daycare drop off the kids possibly still have puffy eyes from their crying jags because they didn't want that jacket, and you might have puffy eyes because you couldn't find your car keys (or the spare car keys...) and you just roll your eyes at the other moms and say, "we're having a rough morning..." and the other moms chuckle because they've been there, we've all been there - the kids can be assholes.



Except I was the asshole yesterday.

 Probably thanks to a weekend that burned too much of a battery that didn't get enough of a recharge Sunday night - I was RAGEY.

Didn't care that Button didn't want that red jacket hanging on the rack, he wanted the other red jacket (WHICH WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND).

Didn't care that Ms. Mack can't physically put her own socks on yet, still got pissed that I had to do it for them both.

Didn't care that it wasn't anyone's fault but MINE that I couldn't find my car keys, still let out a banshee wail while upstairs... came down the stairs to two silent kids just staring at me...

I was a bit hoarse by the time I told Button to just PUT ON THAT JACKET and if the RIGHT red jacket was in my car, we'd switch before getting to daycare. (Also my allergies were making me sneeze ten times a minute and my eyes itch, and I was trying so hard not to rub off/smear eye makeup before work... so I was also hoarse from that.   But also. because I yelled.)


And we rode silently to daycare (for all of the 90 seconds it takes).

And as I was unstrapping Button from his car seat, I slowed down from my MondayMorningHustle leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on his head, told him I loved him, and then gulped.


"I'm sorry I yelled today..."



He nodded and said, "ok, Mom."


And that was it.

I held his hand and carried Ms. Mack and we made our way into daycare, where I didn't roll my eyes at the latest toddler hysterics or little kid antics.





Yesterday was also mine and hubby's 7th wedding anniversary... Maybe there'll be growth for me and I'll learn the I'm Sorry with him in the next seven years.........