Friday, October 20, 2017

recharging? or depleting?

an extroverted introvert?

or an introverted extrovert?


There are some nights I want to just cuddle up on the couch with the latest episode of Rattled, my most recent crochet project and a glass of Rose (or honey whiskey, as fall is supposedly around the corner...)

And then there are some nights that I just want to put on a pair of heels and go out with the girls and hold slender-stemmed martini glasses.

And usually those days and feelings don't cross - like, if I have dinner plans that night I don't feel pulled to sweats and messy hair. 

Tonight I have dinner plans with the girls, and I've spent the last three work days catching up (still not done) after a nice stretch in Texas (lakeside! drankin' berrrr and hanging with my family!) and this morning, the second morning in a row I felt the sore throat and aches, I wasn't sure I was up to a girls' night.

But sometimes I need charging - and while occasionally that charging is being alone (LOVE the nights E goes to play hockey. ha!) doing whatever I want (ok, mixed in with some laundry and organizing) sometimes I need a social charge.

You'd think I got enough of that with family in Texas - and maybe I did.

But I know this - I've never gone to a girls' night and then regretted it afterwards! (Only regretted the next morning how much we drank!)

Happy Friday!

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

I'm Learning "I'm Sorry..."

I'm learning (veeeeeh-ry slowly...) to say I'm sorry - and because it's easier (than with my husband - maybe I'll grow to that in a few MORE YEARS), I've started with my four-year-old.

I mean, how many times a week do I try to instill manners and kindness?

"What do you say?? (thank you)"

"I just WATCHED you smack your sister on the head! Tell her you're sorry!"

"I know it was an accident you spilled your entire cup of milk... just say, sorry mom and help me clean it up..."

Yet yesterday morning, when it was one of those days - you know, the kind where at daycare drop off the kids possibly still have puffy eyes from their crying jags because they didn't want that jacket, and you might have puffy eyes because you couldn't find your car keys (or the spare car keys...) and you just roll your eyes at the other moms and say, "we're having a rough morning..." and the other moms chuckle because they've been there, we've all been there - the kids can be assholes.

Except I was the asshole yesterday.

 Probably thanks to a weekend that burned too much of a battery that didn't get enough of a recharge Sunday night - I was RAGEY.

Didn't care that Button didn't want that red jacket hanging on the rack, he wanted the other red jacket (WHICH WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND).

Didn't care that Ms. Mack can't physically put her own socks on yet, still got pissed that I had to do it for them both.

Didn't care that it wasn't anyone's fault but MINE that I couldn't find my car keys, still let out a banshee wail while upstairs... came down the stairs to two silent kids just staring at me...

I was a bit hoarse by the time I told Button to just PUT ON THAT JACKET and if the RIGHT red jacket was in my car, we'd switch before getting to daycare. (Also my allergies were making me sneeze ten times a minute and my eyes itch, and I was trying so hard not to rub off/smear eye makeup before work... so I was also hoarse from that.   But also. because I yelled.)

And we rode silently to daycare (for all of the 90 seconds it takes).

And as I was unstrapping Button from his car seat, I slowed down from my MondayMorningHustle leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on his head, told him I loved him, and then gulped.

"I'm sorry I yelled today..."

He nodded and said, "ok, Mom."

And that was it.

I held his hand and carried Ms. Mack and we made our way into daycare, where I didn't roll my eyes at the latest toddler hysterics or little kid antics.

Yesterday was also mine and hubby's 7th wedding anniversary... Maybe there'll be growth for me and I'll learn the I'm Sorry with him in the next seven years.........

Friday, September 29, 2017

I'll just do it all....

So when I have work, and hubby has work, I bring the kids to daycare.
(When I have work, I need to leave the house by 8:35 to drop kids at daycare and be at work by 9am. Hubby has to leave house by approx 7:12am to get to work by 9:30...)
Hubby catches a train (thanks to a recent move to Jersey City for his job. UGH) so he is more tied to a time table than I am.
(sign one that his 'on-time-ness' is more important than me being on time for MY job... -_- )

So when I am off of work (whether a very rare sick day, or playing hookie, or scheduled for xyz appointment) and hubby has work, I bring the kids to daycare.

Which entails getting myself up and presentably dressed even if I didn't have any obligations until later in the day...

So, on days like today - when I have work, and hubby is off (or 'working from home' which means he sits around and has coffee and breakfast and finally signs onto his computer a little after 9:30...) I still bring the kids to daycare.

In the past I've thought, Am I just crazy for not attempting to ask if he would mind bringing the kids - especially on days when we're running late and him bringing the kids means I can get to work ON TIME?!

Well I tried that this morning... hubby works from home today, didn't set an alarm. I must have missed mine, because I wake to hubby telling me, "It's eight-o-clock...." 

So then I mentioned, would he be able to bring Ms. Mack to daycare? (Button spent last night at Nana's house).

he hesitated before finally saying, I guess.

You guess?

I said, "well either that or get her ready and fed in the next TEN MINUTES that I need to leave!

He apparently would rather get her dressed (except he sat so long staring at little girl clothes, apparently befuddled. I mean - PANTS! SHIRT! SHOES AND SOCKS! that I finally had to step in and grab stuff.....) and then pack a breakfast (which I still had to adjust...) and then I was still walking out of the house five minutes late.....



Tuesday, September 26, 2017


I went to play Spotify in the car yesterday on the way home from work...

like, I wanted the soundtracks to Little Mermaid, and Lion King, and Aladdin... going Nostalgic on Monday!

But then I searched for "Old School Disney" and do you know what I found?

playlists with HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL and CAMP ROCK...


I just looked up when HSM came out.... ELEVEN YEARS AGO, you guys...

I guess if I wanted the soundtracks to movies that came out over twenty years ago, I should just accept it and look for:


Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Reasons why I "Selfie"

Yes, I just made "Selfie" a verb...

I was recently pouring through the gazillion pictures I have of Ms. Mack and I (from snapchat, mostly... I mean, when she sees my SIL - the QUEEN of shapchat - Ms. Mack says, "Titi - sno-Chot!")

My husband has made fun of me before, and voices his disgust (yes, it's that strong) that his daughter already has a "selfie complex."   ...  -_-

But - the funny thing is, I don't really post them anywhere!! They're not plastered all over FBook, or even Insta - I maybe post stuff like, once every 8-9 days!

So why take all those photos and selfies (pictures AND videos) if not to SHOW OFF TO THE WORLD?!  (/endSarcasm)

There's some scientific thing going on with our brains that prevents us from remembering every.thing.
According to this site, 'memory is a "lossy" form (think jpeg) where certain features we believe are key are noted, and details are filled in as needed...'

In other words, a certain event (say, the pediatric orthopedic appointment when Ms. Mack got her permanent cast put on after BREAKING HER ARM FRIDAY NIGHT) gets logged with the most important details: the fact that we picked a pink cast with purple glitter, and the fact that yes, both the radius and the ulna were broken, and despite that - the fact that the cast only needed to stay on for 2.5 weeks (was he sure?! can we leave it on for an extra week just to be safe?!)

The rest of the details, upon trying to recall the day in five or ten years, would be just filled in at the moment - maybe we'd 'remember' that E played with a MinnieMouse doll to keep Ms. Mack entertained (when it was in fact an Elmo doll) or we'd 'remember' that we had to wait 30 minutes in the waiting room (when really it was over 45 minutes... partly our fault because we showed up 20 minutes early to the appointment....)

So that's Reason #1 for the pictures (selfies, or otherwise)
I mean, without these important photos, we might have eventually 'remembered' that we got a PURPLE cast with PINK glitter...
(good thing we got that straightened out for memory's sake...)

The scientific community also believes it's just basically damn near IMPOSSIBLE for a brain to remember evertyhing... the Quora site again states: If we did remember everything, we would likely drown in a sea of detail and be less effective.
Also (and Reason #2) sometimes the videos or pictures from a certain moment bring you so fully back to the emotions of that second...
hello, sweet napping baby-even-though-you're-starting-toddler-room-at-daycare-WAAAAAAH!

or the feelings you had during those few minutes:
fun park day, Button learned the game of TAG!

And this way with these memories recorded, you don't need your brain to remember on its own the small details that would overflow and overwhelm your system - you just gaze at those pictures, or watch that video (over and over and over and over....)

(well, maybe not that video you made with Mom and Grandma while in the backseat of a van, where - ahem - there may have been mobile-drinking, which definitely led to crazy cranking of volume to rock out to Jimmy Buffet's Fruitcakes in preparation for a talent show at the family reunion in Southern California... AHEM)

In other words, I take too many pictures to ever catch up and post here, so you're welcome for not inundating you with them; and in other news - Ms. Mack broke her arm Friday night, which E actually photographically documented because, alas - I was at home with Button while E and MIL took Ms. Mack to the urgent care clinic where they splinted her arm until her pediatric orthopedist appointment that we had Monday where the pink glitter cast made its debut (THAT appointment has absolutely zero pictures. IRONY!)

 (also. in more absolutely random news, I just noticed my work computer tower still had the protective plastic layer... love when that happens, you peel it off and it's BRAND NEW AGAIN!)

Thursday, August 17, 2017


so.... I've done it again....

Another idea, another project, but a new business!!!

It all started with LuLa(roe!) and eventually, it just got overpriced - $35 for a plain tunic top??

So - a new boutique was created:

Business page HERE:

Facebook group HERE:

I would love if you joined our group and shared with your friends!!

(giveaway going on!)

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Here it comes.... VOMIT OF THE BRAIN!

Monday was my birthday...

I took Tuesday off, got my hair cut (first in 9 months) and colored (first in 5+ years...) I really appreciate that I don't have any grays (YET) to worry about, but sometimes a gal just needs some freshening up... I'm now a california bleach-blond surfer-girl.


I've gone "over to the dark side," as my co-worker puts it: I got Botox.

Those damn 11's...

another day or two until the effects will be visible, and meanwhile I'm just scrunching up and frowning into the mirror to check for results...

The summer's been busy, and I'm usually glad I just work year-round because then I don't have any back-to-work-panic come now (August); and I had two week-long vacations, but I could have used some more days off!

I did get an overnight trip in with some mom friends - we went down the shore on a gorgeous Saturday, got to beach it (uninterrupted - no "you need more sunblock, come here! Hey, STOP eating sand! Don't go running off to the water!!! DON'T EAT THAT CIGARETTE BUTT!!!")
Just nice calm beach reading and chatting.  And then we were basically too tired to party - a late dinner out on the boardwalk, a noble attempt at barhopping (one bar. one drink each.) and we headed back to the house for some mom-fun: vaping and coloring (LMAO)

We spent a Saturday with the family at a college graduation party up in Connecticut (kids did great on the 2-hour carride!)

We BBQ'd at the in-laws for Father's Day:

Ms. Mack had her 18-month appointment (is it awful? I don't remember her measurements... this is what I get for blogging about it so late....maybe 28lbs? maybe? but 50th for weight, and 50th for height! perfect girl!)

My (adopted) SIL graduated high-school (we only found out she'd be walking like, two days before ceremonies!! ugh)
(bee-tee-dubs: that jumper? was spotted with sweat so bad.... it was so warm that day... ugh)

We made it down the shore (finally!) as a family for the first time this summer:

I grew basil - quite successfully, in fact. (and from seed! ok - I'll admit, E did the in-doors germinating...)
My goal for my basil (and spearmint!) was to make delicious watermelon-basil and strawberry drinks like I've seen and tried from fancy drink menus.
My watermlon-basil aperitif was definitely refreshing and delish!

We spent a day at a lake, watching dark clouds get closer and closer until they broken open right over us, then quickly blew back out leaving sun for 10-15 minutes before returning with a vengeance, driving us to the movie theaters for the rest of the day...

which is when Button had his FIRST EVER MOVIE THEATER EXPERIENCE! (I mean, by default, Ms. Mack had hers too, but it's more exciting for Button - he was all, "I want to buy the ticket! I want to hand the ticket to the guy! I want to get popcorn!")
We saw Despicable Me 3 - he loved it, she only moved into my lap with 30 minutes left where she played with toys and ate graham crackers.

We rounded out the first half of July with watermelon and waterplay on warm sunny days:

Second Session:

And of course, let's not forget the day I had work, E was off, and the daycare was closed. So I get home, we're doing dinner (grilling burgers) and while Ms. is in my lap, I start noticing SHIT (figuratively) IN HER HAIR... I ask E - "what do you guys do today?!" and he's all, shrug - "McDonald's, the play place, a store..."

of course I'm all, "It's LICE!! WHAT DO WE DO?! WE HAVE TO FLEA-BOMB THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! BLEACH EVERYTHING!!!!!" and even started making rounds, stripping both kids' beds of sheets and their million stuffed animals, grabbing hats they'd worn that day, ANY AND ALL CLOTHING that was sitting out in their room!

And then E says - "OH! I forgot!! We went to the lake today.... and Button was throwing dirt at Ms. Mack...."

Tuesday, August 1, 2017


so this Mother's Day, after hearing me speak about finding this awesome website and tracking back GENERATIONS upon GENERATIONS to finally a birth (in the 1700's!) in somewhere other than the United States (Britain!)

Well - he thought he'd do a great gift-giving job and spend close to $70 on a kit from 23AndMe (can you hear my sarcasm?) because the "DNA testing" revealed basically what I found for free on this FamilySearch website: that I'm 58.8% British/Irish, 10% Scandanavian, and the rest a general mix of European....


So I've been working more on entering family tree information onto (after our great family reunion in California - 340+ people on the tree, more than HALF who showed up for the three-day get-together!)

I've been working off of a .pdf format of that GIANT family tree for entering information, and a little more than halfway through, wondered/realized - I hadn't seen any stillbirths or miscarriages marked - did family members just brush them aside and ignore them for the family tree?

As I wondered, I came across the first one:
             [JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIM.] was born on 13 Oct 2001 in San Antonio, TX. He died on 13 Oct 2001 in San Antonio, TX.

That family's next baby? A little girl named [FirstName] FAITH [LastName], and was born 27 Aug 2002 - barely 10 months after their first baby boy...

Just two families later (out of 100's) - again a first born son:
        [JackSprat] was born on 11 Apr 2003 in Washington, D.C. He died on 04 May 2003.
Less than a month old... But another boy, and a girl that followed in 2 year increments..

AGAIN - just two or three families later:
      [JohnSmith] was born on 04 Aug 2002 in Reno, Nevada. He died on 04 Aug 2002.
And the parents - married in 2000, baby born - and died - in 2002, divorced by 2004...

Just numbers, dates and names - yet so much story in the facts....

I still am moved every time I read the little blurb anchored on the left side of this page, and the last family (I still have 3 more pages of the family tree....) made me think of it...
         Married: April 2000
         Baby Born, and Died: Aug 2002
         Love Story Ends:  Dec 2004

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Learning to Give...

tomorrow is E's birthday...

I've fallen down on gift-buying, what with traveling to California (what, I forgot to tell you went there for a week?!) and then Button's birthday party (go Amazon prime and photoshop at 11pm the night before the party...and wait - HE'S FOUR YEARS OLD?!) and all of a sudden it's the day before E's birthday, but he already opened gifts from his family the night after Button's party, so it'll just be us and the kids tonight - low-key dinner at the house and some gift opening.

So while I've horribly slacked (I only have one cool gadget thingy I happened to see while in Staples last week buying a computer monitor for work...) Button is on top of it all (with influence/help from Mom).

We went to the $1 store this past weekend with some money and a mission:

5 items.

5 dollars.

Button gets to pick whatever he wants to get for Daddy's birthday.

So we start down the first aisle - and the excitement drove him to grab one of the first things he saw -
"Oooooo how about soap for Daddy?"

(Soap = V05 conditioner. LMAO)

"Oh, look - VANILLA soap for Daddy!"

I said, "Are you sure that's what you want to get Daddy?" while trying not to crack up.

He confirmed it, and I tried to keep him from grabbing four more things, rapid-fire - pushing him through to the next aisles. (You're welcome E - you won't be getting a dish sponge or a stack of paper plates!)

So in addition to the cool gadget thingy I got him, E will be opening tonight:

  1. a bottle of V05 coconut hair conditioner
  2. a plastic dart board game
  3. a DOG BRUSH ("so he can brush his Rocco-dog!")
  4. a giant plastic magnet (but it really works!)
  5. and a glow TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle necklace.

With that loot, I'm not even sure we need a cake!

Monday, June 26, 2017

a Peek of Poconos...

snazzy cute alliterate titles, right? I spent all morning on it.

not really...

Our weekend in the Poconos:

Friday morning (after the crazy trip back from the British Virgin Islands) we packed up and headed to the Poconos for our vrbo/home-away-from-home...

We spent the first evening "playing pool" and trying to break the window air units in each of their rooms; we also had a heck of a time trying to keep Ms. Mack off the stairs... (she also bonked her head - HARD - no less than four times.......)
((Also. Remember, at this point E and I are running on whatever sleep we grabbed while at WestPalmBeach airport... so he let Button sucker him into telling like, a bunch of stories at bedtime. Well guess who fell asleep for two hours on the other twin bed in the room.... LOL - man was that house quiet!))

A slow start to Saturday, but we eventually headed twenty minutes away to a cute petting zoo (slash "Country's largest General Store" - interesting market place with EVERYTHING you might want to buy, including feeder mice for your pet snake.... eek!)

We renamed the "playground" the Land of Lost Toys (after deciding "Broke-Down-Toys" wasn't quite as appealing) - but really, there was a bunch of broken toys (slides without stairs, play houses with no doors or handles or roofs... the kids still loved it! LOL)

Button kept trying to stick his fingers through the metal fence... Mr. "CackCack" was NOT so friendly...

We got back to the house in time for Ms. Mack's nap, a little bit of hottub time, and then we headed out to a little nearby indoor water park at a local hotel. Button HAD SO MUCH FUN and I wish I got pictures, but decided it was safest to leave my phone with everything else in the lockers...

We ducked into a restaurant for dinner - where the wait for a table took about fifteen minutes (the adults were kept quiet with drinks from the bar), then it took another fifteen minutes (plus a word to the manager!) before we got a waitress (who ended up being fabulous), and THEN the wait for the food...

But seriously - best behaved kids ever...

The next day, we spent a few minutes at the "neighborhood park" (it was a bit too chilly for any lake/beach time), stopped for pizza on the way out of town, and then (FINALLY) headed back to our own home...




(also. lots of laundry...)

Monday, June 12, 2017

Hashtag Totally Turks!

photo dump (with some stories) from our Turks & Caicos trip!
(stories for fond re-living of memories while seated at work in the middle of winter! lol)

After a van ride from the airport (with a young Canadian couple and their two children (both under 2yo!) which reminded us, yes we missed our kids - but also YES, we were glad we came alone!!! The parents were all, did we leave Bopster on the airplane?? oh my gosh, Nicki will never go to sleep without him!) we arrived at the resort (Beaches in Turks & Caicos) and were greeted with cold wash clothes and drinks!
Checked out our fabulous suite (FULLY stocked bar, all included!) and hit the pool!

(Dinner that night was sushi appetizers at Soy followed by seafood at Schooners.
I think this was the night we changed into our suits and checked out the "adults only" hottub (not that scandalous. except there were two YOUNG (i.e. early college?!) couples there (the girls were pretty wasted) and E said I was c*ckblocking when I insisted we should be able to get in hottub too, but then the two couples got out, sat on lounge chairs nearby where the girls literally preceded to fall asleep covered in towels... they probably thanked me later/in the morning for putting a pause on things before they did something they regretted! (LOL

The second day (first morning) we made fresh coffee right in our room, grabbed breakfast (and mimosas) at Schooner's and enjoyed the beautiful beach.

We enjoyed a snorkeling excursion (just a minute or two boat ride from the beach to some reefs) ((I sunburned my tush, it being up in the air as I was face down in the water. lmao)) and relaxed a bit afterwards before dinner that night: Hibachi (and lots of sake) at Kimono's

After dinner, we went to Cricketer's- an "English pub" to watch their 'Cabaret show' (a few men and women lip-syncing and dancing to tunes like All That Jazz from the musical Chicago and "Voulez-vous couchez avec moi" in the style of Lil Kim, Pink, Missy Elliot (I think?) and Maya (or some similar posse of 2000's power girls!)
The next day, after breakfast (at the buffet Reflections) we parked ourselves poolside for the long haul. At one point, we paused and went to Barefoot on the Beach literally right next to the pool for some lunch before E went snorkeling, and I continued to read poolside. (After he snorkeled, he had to return to the resort doc because he'd had a weird rash we thought was poison ivy running in a single streak down his face, but then we weren't sure if it was shingles, and the resort doc couldn't tell either so just put E on an anti-viral anyways as well as hydro-cortisone cream...) 
Then E went back to the room and I snorkeled (found some cool little shells to bring back to the kids) and then we returned to the room to get ready for our last night on the island...

(earlier in the day, while in that pool pictured in the middle directly above, we'd met a family from Manchester (literally one day after the recent attack at the concert there))
We enjoyed our third and last night, starting with sushi (and saki) at Soy, dinner at the rooftop Skye and dessert (tiramisu, which we got ONE MINUTE before the restaurant closed) from Mario's which we got to go and ate poolside under one of the pergolas/cabanas.

The fourth day, and third morning, we got breakfast at a little "Parisian cafe" before cramming in a bit more sun-time.  The resort had a great 'departure lounge' where we were able to shower up and hang out before catching the shuttle back to the airport (since we'd already checked out of our room at 11am)

A three-hour layover in Ft. Lauderdale nearly doubled when we learned (before even deplaning after our first leg) that our connecting flight into Newark had been delayed... only to be later cancelled 45 minutes before scheduled departure...
40-50 minutes in line, we kept hearing from other passengers that next flights to Newark were SATURDAY - 36 HOURS FROM THEN! so E got on the phone with another airline, booked a flight at 6am from a nearby airport - West Palm Beach - which was 45 minutes away.
We got to the ticket desk finally and only asked for a refund (which they did! for that one leg, anyways!)
Then we booked an uber to West Palm Beach, then dozed for a few hours until security/ticketing opened and waited for our 6am flight.

As the last post said, we weren't home for more than barely an hour when we hit the road again and headed to the Poconos... (pictures up next!)

Wednesday, June 7, 2017


How I always had to say the word out loud to learn to spell it correctly (and I probably still whisper it in my head as I type it...)


Nes- Day

It's been awhile... How have you gals/(guys?!) been?!

It's still officially spring (first day of summer is June 21st and exactly TWO WEEKS AWAY!) and it's back to cool weather here (60s and lots of rain).

Boo - because I need to wear my fabulous new shoes I just scored at the thrift store last night! (hemp/cork platform wedges. so cute. but so summery)

I also scored some great whimsical dresses and hope to be able to try my hand at altering kind of like these awesome pinspirations:

I've got an old plain white (maternity) tank that the hem has come undone, it's been waiting by my sewing machine...
I also got a cute ready-to-wear dress (it's a shift on me. too short for work lol but would totally look cute with leggings and knee-high boots come winter!) that I'm wearing to work today...

that whole Reading challenge? I'm still reading (a TON) - but I just cannot keep up with what category, and when it was finished, and what I read next - I'm getting emails daily from BookBub that have cheap ($0.99-$2.99) as well as FREE e-books, I probably add 3-5 books a week to my nook.
So just ignore the categories, as of today I've read 41 books (and I'd created a challenge on goodreads (check out my challenge profile here!) to read 50, so I'm "20 books ahead of schedule." LMAO
(I'm also currently reading two books... " 'S' is for Stranger" by Louise Stone and "Return of the Soldier" by Rebecca West (check it out here on this awesome e-library!)
((yes, I'm still writing my book - 'TINCAN'... the pace has slowed a bit... hopefully I can get some done today... while at work... lmao))

The craziness that has been BuggyListLife the last few weeks:

week of May 7th - E was in SanFrancisco from M-Thursday.  I survived the week...

week of May 14th - Mother's Day (big sha-bang out with entire IL family followed by desserts and coffee at IL's house)
Wednesay - my parents arrived from Texas (Uber got them from Newark airport to my empty house around noon... I tried to haul ass out of work but didn't leave until 2:30/3pm...)
next two days (Thurs-Fri) I battled non-working computers, dentist appointments, and last minute work to try and get home and hang with my parents. enjoyed the weekend with them - got them set up with projects to do the following week... because....

week of May 21st - Monday morning E and I boarded a flight to TURKS & CAICOS.  Three Whole NIGHTS - KID FREE! We drank mostly all day (mimosas at breakfast, then pina coladas by the pool/beach, champagne in the room while getting ready for dinner, then (2/3 nights) sake with sushi and harder drinks with dinner...
Thursday afternoon, we showered and got ready to go at the departure lounge.  Got to T&C airport with more than 2 hours to spare (-_-) and flew to Ft Lauderdale, FL with no issue to catch a connecting flight to Newark 2.5 hours later. Except, before we'd even taxied to the gate in FL, E learned our next flight had been delayed 3 additional hours - so, ok - we can do this - a 4.5-5 hr layover... we weren't picking up the kids until Friday morning anyways.
Except THEN the flight was CANCELLED 45 minutes before scheduled departure. Waited in line at Jet Blue desk... E got on phone and rebooked a flight on United from a DIFFERENT airport (West Palm Beach - 45 minutes away)
Nearing midnight - we got to the desk, ultimately got a refund for the cancelled leg of our journey, and booked an  Uber ("Mike" - formerly of Brooklyn - was our driver!) and arrived at WPB Airport around 1:45am - for a 6am flight.  Why bother getting a hotel, right?
Snoozed outside ticketing/security for a few hours until they opened - fought with them about a checked bag (United now has something called "basic economy" where you don't even get to bring on a CARRY-ON besides your teeny tiny purse?!
arrived in Newark.  Finally got former-carry-on-Rollerboard-Suitcase from t he baggage claim, took the AirTran to the right terminal where my parents had left our car the previous day when THEY flew out - only to discover, as we approached the revoling doors - that E had left my suitcase on the Airtrain.

An unattended bag.
in an airport.

Thankfully, we caught the agent at the AirTran stop just in time - they radioed, found the bag - let it ride the train around. (They had been "this close" to SHUTTING DOWN THE ENTIRE AIRTRAN.)

Finally, almost 21 hours after catching the airport shuttle in Turks & Caicos, we pulled up to our house. took an hour a half - showered, mostly left our bags packed - just refreshed underwear, etc - packed for the kids, grabbed the dogs, grabbed the kids from MIL's house - and we took off for 2 nights in the Poconos....

Yup. you read that right.

Enjoyed two days there of chilly weather, but an indoor water park at the nearby lodge helped (as did the hottub and pool table on the vrbo property!)

week of MAY 28th - we drove back home on Sunday, during which E text a few friends and scheduled an impromptu BBQ for the next day, Memorial Day.
(yes. again, you read that right. we're a bit masochistic socially...)

had a BBQ which turned into an indoor thang b/c of the cold weather - so too many people crammed into the living room/kitchen (thankfully my ILs just like to turn on the TV at social gatherings (-_-) and so they parked on the couch, out of the way.... lol)

We spent last week getting back to our regular programming and the weekend was our usual "low-key" - playdate on Saturday, our divorced friend (Mr. PotatoHead) came and spent Saturday night, and then we went to my SIL's yoga-teacher-certification graduation on Sunday followed by dessert and drinks at a local restaraunt.

you know.


upcoming - Mom's (over)Night Out! going DTS this Saturday with two friends - sans ANY children (or any responsibilities!) and I CANNOT FREAKING WAIT!

(also. PICTURE DUMP to follow later!)

Friday, May 12, 2017

Chats with Button

this will be a catch up post (I've been keeping this stuff on his page, but nobody probably sees that - the sh*t that comes out of his mouth needs to be SHARED! lol)

at 2.5 years old:
Daddy: "What do we do if the smoke alarm goes off in our house?"
Button: "We CRY!"

(after wiping a boogie into a tissue)
"the garbage man is going to come and pick up my boogie.  Yea, and then he looks at my boogie and takes it.."

(he started playing in the toilet water at daycare (((I KNOW!!))) and told E he put his hand in the toilet.) 
When E told him that was bad:
"I didn't put my hand in this toilet or the one downstairs.
I did it at preschool... and not now, I did it last week..."

for Maddie's baptism:
"We're gonna wear our suitcases..."

at 3 years old:
(while driving, as I stopped and waited for a line of cars to turn left):
"How come you didn't say bad words, Mommy?"

at 3.5 years old:
setting: bedtime, and E says no milk because we don't want to pee the bed...
"C'mooooooon.... you know you can get me a cup of milk..... c'mooooooooon..."

in the bathroom at a walmart/kmart and a boy walks in with his mother (actually probably too old to be in the women's room with his mother, but I can totally understand not wanting to send a son into the men's room alone nowadays!!) 
"That boy was really tall mommy... he can probably drink beer already!"

at 3.75 years old:
(I'm drinking a pint glass of hard cider with dinner...)
Button "Are you going to drink all of that??"
(me) "yup, I am."
Button "Then you're gonna pee the bed!!!"

me: "Do you wear your shoes during nap time at preschool?"
Button: "Yup"
me: "What about [Mack]? Does she wear her shoes during nap time?"
Button: "Yea, [Mack] wears her shoes at nap time too..."
me: "You've seen her at nap time? How do you know she wears her shoes during nap?"
Button: "Well she doesn't wear MY shoes during nap time!"

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Laugh as much as you breathe...

That day, I saw death at every corner:
Someone could approach my car while I am stopped at this light; I don't necessarily drive through the best neighborhoods as I leave work, and my eyes dart corner to corner, ready to roll through a right on red.  I enter a Dunkin Donuts, warily noting places to hide behind, counters to duck beneath if someone were to come in shooting.  I leave from dropping the kids at daycare and picture a heart in a chest cavity, beating steadily on until a hiccup or falter.
I sit at work and refresh the status page for the airlines that E is traveling on (a work conference in San Francisco for three nights) dreading a stall in progress, a red banner flashing breaking news of a crash.

All these things - things that happens to someone else, until they happen to you.

Or someone you know.

Last Friday morning, I was sitting in the administrator's office when our daily money talks were interrupted by her cell phone ringing.  As usual, I swiped through social media waiting for her to finish her call, but this day - Friday morning, her gasp and warbly 'What??' chilled my veins.

A co-worker of ours - "JT" for sake of ease - died that morning, in a car crash.  We hung up, shock settling in the office around us like a fog.  We had to call back the news bearer a few minutes later, sure we had heard wrong - asking him to tell us different news, that they'd heard a correction of facts from someone.

And then we had to spend the morning calling in colleagues, one or two coworkers that had known him for even more than the 8+ years that I'd known him. Nearly to a person, the reaction phrases uttered were, "But I just saw him last night as I left the building!!"

Most of Friday was lost in a haze, trying to look up details - had he been in pain? was anyone else hurt? - and wondering how to tell old co-workers that had left and moved on.  We learned more details, details of a small crash in a small town on a small road, that had have us all sure that he suffered a health crisis - a heart attack, or, a stroke - before the accident.  (No, there were no other injuries, nor any other cars involved...)

And the suddenness - from vivacity Thursday night (for JT was, in one word summed up, vibrant) to just gone - is the same suddenness which takes away a friend's old high school classmate on the cusp of fatherhood, and the cousin whose Texas ranch we had just visited months before a Christmas tragedy (E learning failing to water ski and SIL and I swapping engagement stories and wedding planning) and the innocent victims of a shooting in a mall/library/elementary school/place of worship.

I honestly didn't mean to get all philosophical, because - to be honest - in a little over an hour, I'll go pick up the kids from daycare and give them sweet hugs and kisses as I load them into the car; but then one of the dogs will have crapped in the living room, and while wrangling two leashes and two toddlers outside, Button will clothesline himself on the dog leash (true story, happened last week...) and I'll lose patience when he asks for a cup of juice for the 5th time in 2 minutes and Mack clings to my legs, begging Uh-Puh! as I try to move around the kitchen and organize something, anything for dinner - and I'll probably do chicken nuggets for them and microwaved leftovers for me (unless I just wait to eat until after they go to bed) and I'll breathe a sigh of relief when they've been tucked in for the night...

I've spent a decent amount of time since Friday trying to comprehend just how tenuous life is, and I can't anymore - it's terrifying.

So, just - you know.  Grasp it by the horns, stop and smell the roses, dance like no one's watching, enjoy the little things, do what makes you happy - and all those other idioms out there.

We laughed and cried through a small memorial service for JT here at work today.  I was ok until another coworker came over and hugged me - I even whisper-yelled at her: "nooooo - I was fine until you came over!" as I quickly teared up, again. But we laughed - we shared stories; I looked at old Christmas party photos, late nights at work when we came together on a project - we definitely laughed.

Laughter is the best medicine - we all agreed with the reverend/pastor/spiritual leader who spoke at the service.

We survived the first full 24-hours of E's business trip. (Ok, yes - I was 20 minutes late for work this morning - too many episodes of Shameless and too many glasses of wine late last night...)

But also last night, I crawled on the floor upstairs, playing the monster as I snarled and tickle-tackled two giggling kids; I let them race around in their underwear/diaper, and I soaked in and sucked up the sights of smooth toddler skin; we laughed - a lot.

My new favorite "Love Life" idiom:

Laugh as much as you breathe

Thursday, May 4, 2017

f*ck Wednesdays... LOL


It's Thursday, but I need to post a Reading Challenge update, but it won't be much of an update because I've been writing in my free time; except I hit a slump starting last Friday - not necessarily a block, since the entire novel is outlined already, but just felt blah about getting back on the computer after spending all day on one at work.

I knew I wouldn't write over the weekend, but then it carried over into this week... Tuesday night I fell asleep on the couch really (embarrassingly) early, and only woke to slog upstairs and fall back into bed. (I felt amazing yesterday after all that sleep!)  

And I've been doing well with a work-out goal/commitment - this 7-minute workout video I found on pinterest which I did Sunday night in addition to time on the elliptical, Monday night, (slept Tuesday night), my hot yoga class was Wednesday night, and I hope to do the 7-minute video (+eliptical) every day I'm not at yoga! IT'S ONLY SEVEN MINUTES lol

I want to be bikini-ready in 17 days! because, I mentioned - we're going to Turks & Caicos on the 22nd, ALONE AND WITHOUT CHILDREN and it's our first trip without kids and I'm really freaking excited to sit on the beach/by the pool with a book, have drinks served to me, and not worry about: toddlers going near the pool, who is thirsty and needs juice/water, this one needs a change because she pooed in her swim diaper, that one needs to GO poop on the potty, this one needs to go down for a nap (2 hours in the room, ugh) and they both are eating like BIRDS HOW ARE YOU SURVIVING THIS WEEK?!


I'm very excited.  It's only three nights, but I think that's the perfect amount of time because I'll miss those little faces by the time we touch down in T&C on day one...

We'll more than make it up, because after we return (Thursday night around midnight) we'll pack up the kids and head to the Poconos on Friday to spend two nights (Memorial Day weekend!) in a house there (VRBO!) which has an outdoor hot tub (for AFTER the kids go to bed! unless it heats up/cools down quickly, then we can use it as a pool for them during the day...) and a grill on the deck, and a playground less than 1/4 mi away and a lake to rent boats and it will be a lot of fun / exhausting.

We'll come home Sunday and probably do NOTHING all day Monday... (I really hope the weather is nice that weekend!)

The craziness actually begins the 17th of this month when my parents arrive from TX - they'll be house/dog/baby-sitting while we're in T&C, but they'll be here for a few days before we leave so we can all hang out and catch-up/party. 

And tonight, E is going straight from work into NYC for a Rangers hockey game, so it's me with the kids, and I'm already mentally exhausted because Button is at MIL's house so I have to drive three towns over to pick him up and then head back to our town to get Mack from daycare (or vice versa?) and I would really like to avoid rush hour traffic that bogs down the route between MIL's house and ours so I'm hoping to leave work early... 


oh oh and oh, sad news - E's cousin (one I've never really mentioned, but she has a son about Button's age, maybe just a month or two younger, and to my understanding was one-and-done because she had a horrible pregnancy and gets terrible migraines and couldn't take anything for them during her pregnancy, and her and DH are rocky and he left for a few weeks before they had their son, anyways
this cousin, E just told me this morning, had a pregnancy and had to run into the ER last week with pains and it ended up being ectopic and she had to have surgery...
(in his words: "she had to have emergency surgery because a pregnancy developed like, in this tube instead of where it's supposed to be..."   -_- )
So, send healing vibes for her and hubby...

So yea,
Maybe I'll do a reading update tomorrow...

Friday, April 28, 2017

Continued Validation

So you remember fBFF, right?
for any newer readers/stalkers, that's former BestFriendForever... we were close the first few years I lived in NJ - served as each other's maid of honor, watched Grey's Anatomy together weekly with wine, shopped together in thrift stores, all that good stuff like texting a million times a day and emailing back and forth at work...

and then this happened:
she got a positive HPT, yet two days later tested negative at the doctor and had a chemical pregnancy.
I came over, brought the bags of candy, fun nail polish colors, and was just there for her.

two weeks later, I got my very first positive HPT.

three weeks later, fBFF got her sticky BFP...

aaaaaand about five weeks after that, the missed miscarriage was diagnosed and I had to have a D&C.

I ranted (at the time) about the stupid shit she said to me...
shit like "it was God's intention" (she's not even religious.)

and "you didn't want to be gross and fat and hot this summer..." (my EDD would have been November 30th) ((oh and let's not forget she was pregnant at the time - she obviously thought it was fine for herself to be gross and fat and hot that summer...))

and then I tried to explain/complain that we were medically advised to wait 2-3 cycles after the D&C surgery before we could try again.
And she was all, "Well, next April would be a very nice time to have a baby!" (to which I mentally responded, hours later, "NO, this November would have been a fucking nice time to have a baby")

Re-reading these old posts of mine, remembering that she had once asked me if I was avoiding her because she was pregnant (and I wasn't...) and recalling that I had eventually responded with an email that took some time to compile:
I still love you and am excited for you, but to be bluntly honest, a few of the last texts you sent, about "just be glad I don’t have to be fat this summer," and that "April/may is a good time to have a baby" kinda hurt me… Obviously I still value our friendship, I just needed some time off.. and I hope this came across when I first said it, but I am very sorry to hear about your cousin..

I totally got reaffirmation that pulling back from that 'friendship' was the best decision to make for me.  Validation even more when, on my birthday that summer - still not pregnant again yet (I think we were just barely post-O in our first TTCAL cycle... one that ended in a BFN) - and she text me, not Happy Birthday, but that they found out - THEY'RE HAVING A BOY! SQUEE!  -_-

And then, perusing through more old emails from that summer, I came across a conversation with a kettle-bell instructor (I had taken a kettle-bell boot camp a few weeks before the very first BFP, and then had not signed up for the next class).

Just wanted to see how everything is going and when was the due date again?

(after taking a lot of time trying to figure out how best to respond without making him feel like a shit for asking):
"Thanks for checking in with everything. I really appreciate it but unfortunately, we lost the heartbeat at 3 months... We're just working on fixing up things at the new house (moved in December) and adopting a new dog, keeping busy!

I'm so sorry to hear that... :(
I'm debating putting in another class on Thursdays. Would you be interested in coming back? I'd really like to have you on board

How perfect a response.  He didn't avoid addressing it, he didn't dance around and ignore that line in my email about what happened. He gave a kind and succinct "I'm so sorry."

How is it that a thirty-some-year-old man handled it better than someone I once considered a best friend?  How did that female friend, one who had just experienced a CP weeks before, botch things and shove her foot in her mouth so horribly?

Because irreparable damage was done... and in situations since then, I have been reaffirmed in my decision to remove myself from that friendship.

Thank god there have been other phenomenal friendships that developed from May of 2012, and for those I will be forever grateful!

PostScript (because it's so much fancier than "P.S.")
IUD check on Tuesday went well - it's still in place (good thing!) except - I've had some heavier/clottier spotting today and yesterday.

How am I going to wear a bikini in Turks & Caicos in four weeks?!
(Have I told you we're going?!?!??!?!?! EEEEEEEE!!!! WITHOUT KIDS TOO!!)

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Not a Reading Update...


This Writing-a-Book stuff is time consuming!

I've barely read (and my barely reading is like, 1 book every 8 days. LOL)

and I've been staying up way too late for way too many nights (five of the last 7 nights has been past midnight...)

I wish I could take a day off from work once a week just to write.  (I used to want to take a day off to catch up on cleaning house... now we have "Mags" coming for three hours every Monday - she puts away our clean laundry, picks up the kitchen (empties dishwasher, reloads, cleans counters) and puts the kids' toys away!  Every three weeks or so, she'll vacuum, change sheets, and clean bathrooms! I'm going to ask her to be my sister-wife next week...)

Instead of taking off work, I steal 30 minutes'time when I get home with the kids - after taking dogs out and feeding them, I set the kids up in the playroom and sit next door in the office and write. Button and Mack play together (or more like just in the same room) so quietly, it's AWESOME.
(I also steal time while at work.... ssssh!! I figure, as long as I'm still getting all my work done, why not??)

So, I'm still here!  At the beginning of chapter fifteen, just under 15K words... according to a word tracker I'm using (I plugged in a goal of 50K words - no clue if the book will be less, or if that many words just gets me close to the last chapter!) at my current average daily rate, I'll be done (with 50K words) by June 25th.

Only to start back at the beginning to deepen some sections, fluff others...


Tuesday, April 18, 2017


Yesterday, I almost got caught in a cell phone trap while on the road... apparently an "undercover" guy - not even in a car!! - "caught me with a phone in hand."
Dude - I only ever look at my phone while stopped at red lights... I didn't say that to the cops when they directed me into a parking lot down the road (the first cop radioed to these guys...)
I just said, "oh gosh - seriously, I'm usually very good at not being on it - he must have seen me just moving it from my lap to the cup holder..."
and they noted I had no points on my license (no violations - speeding tickets, moving violations, etc) and let me off with "just a warning..."

I continued on to my dentist appointment (a filling cracked two weeks ago)
the good news?  the tooth had no decay past what was already drilled out, it just needs a crown (and not a root canal as I feared...)
the bad news? I was being fitted with that mouth guard thing filled with goop to make molds for making the crown...
and when the dentist pulled the mold off, it pulled off my front crown (one that Ms. Mack had knocked off a few months back - with my cell phone -_-)

the really bad news? the dentist then dropped the crown on the floor...

(it was cleansed thoroughly and re-installed... ugh)

I crushed it at CarKaraoke this morning - HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!

Before crooning in the car, I ducked into Walgreens (once again, in the craziness of setting up the housekeeper (day #2! so excited!) and getting kids dressed & shoe'd this morning, I dashed out of the house without brushing my teeth, so I decided to buy brush and paste for work...)

At the checkout, I put my micro-chipped Amex into the card reader, and then cashier (cute guy) goes, "You can take it out now..."

And in my head I thought, THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!

I've got 9 chapters completed of TinCan... about 40 chapter-book-style pages.
I write about a page at a time - and "working on TinCan" also involves researching.  A LOT... thesaurus, dictionary, medical pages, etc. So I spend about an hour or so, and have only actually written 6-7 paragraphs...
This stuff is tedious!

But I do a bit each day, and cannot WAIT until it's finished... SO FREAKING EXCITED!

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Challenge check-In

We left off with being in the middle of reading book number 17 this year...

Here's the new tally as of today! (not counting A Mother's Reckoning as read yet - got a few pages left, lol)

#17. The Chemist by Stephenie Meyer         Cat: 36/40: book by someone you admire           fin. Mar. 23rd
So - especially now that I am writing my own book, as a full-time working mom, I can totally respect the work that goes into it and can't believe how Ms. Twilight got out that whole series... AND THEN SOME! (of course - I don't think she worked - but just as hard to be a SAHM writing!!)
So - The Chemist was, I feel, totally different than her past more YA-ish works (Twilight, The Host) and it was pretty good! about a woman who worked for the government - basically as someone who assisted in "interrogations" with her chemical concoctions... and she's on the run. liked this book a lot!

#18. Sia by Josh Grayson           Cat: N/A               fin. Mar. 25th
It happened - I read a book (some books, by now) that just do NOT fit into any category...
And I think this will happen a lot this year - as I download more and more free books based on BookBub deals. (but not all of them good - I started one, and thought - bleh - stopped reading it and archived it...)
anyways - this was a nice fluff read about a girl who had lost her memory, found herself homeless - but then a week later was "discovered" by a classmate volunteering at a soup kitchen - she was in fact the daughter of a very wealthy couple in Beverly Hills (or something like that)
was good for light reading

#19. Revelation by Carter Wilson          Cat: N/A         fin. Mar. 26th
another free read recommended by bookbub...
This was actually a pretty cool book... here's the synopsis from GoodReads:

When Harden Campbell wakes cold and beaten in a dirt-floor cell, he finds only three other things in the room with him: the mutilated body of his good friend, an ancient typewriter, and a stack of blank paper, the top sheet of which has a single, typed sentence.

"Tell me a story."

He is locked away by a "friend" named Coyote, who created a "religion" as an experiment. Pretty cool psychological story...

#20. Beyond Grace's Rainbow by Carmel Harrington          Cat: by an author from a country you've never visited            fin. Mar. 29th
(The author was born in Wexford, Ireland and the story is set there - which is fun to read after becoming a little familiar with it from reading Outlander)
This book.
Not written phenomenally, but a good story - a single mother (she estranged her baby daddy because he was an alcoholic) is diagnosed with cancer; she goes through treatment while also trying to track down her biological mother (she was adopted at birth) so she can possibly pursue finding a bone-marrow match. (slight Spoiler Alert) at one point in the book toward the end, there was a bit of a twist that as I read it, I thought - WELL FUCK YOU BOOK! for doing that, and then literally set my nook down on the counter, and walked away saying out loud, "I NEED A MINUTE before we can continue..." (LOL good thing E isn't home when I do this... he'd call the white coats!)
So, and then the "epilogue" ended and I was still like, DAFUQ.
so did I like it? hate it?
I feel like if it was written more eloquently, I would have hated to love it, due to the ending, but - it was moderately good writing so - meh...

#21. Waiting for You by Catherine Miller        Cat: N/A                 fin. Apr. 1st
a lighter read (not that the TOPIC was light - a woman who is facing secondary infertility, and whose husband seems to have checked out - spending more and more time in his office/apartment in London where he spends the work week, who is also hiding SOMETHING HUGE) but it was a quick read with language and writing easy to pick back up after reading in spurts at bedtime and during lunchtime at work.

Currently Reading :
finishing up A Mother's Reckoning

and reading Ssh! by Stacey Nash (a free bookbub read... I am starting to feel the need, after The Chemist, and Outlander and the heavy Sue Klebold book, to get back into something deep - Jodi Picoult may be up next - but at the same time, am trying to keep focus on "TinCan" so we'll see...)

Reading & Writing (and 'rithmetic?!)

(I've been trying to focus writing time - even while at work LOL - onto The Next Great American Novel (or going forward, TNGAN - or even better/easier to remember and write - "TinCan!") 
ok start over - so I've been trying to focus my writing time on TinCan, so the blog may suffer a bit... but here's a post I started writing while in the throes of highlighting...)
(ALSO - reading update to immediately follow this)

somewhere, today someone's world -as they know it- is ending.

There is someone who has just received that phone call about their spouse's fatal car accident.

There is someone who is sitting at their parent's bedside, listening to them take their last breath.

There is someone who has just lost a child.

There is someone whose whole axis has just shifted - been totally knocked off kilter - from fresh tragedy.

And yet.

The world continues to turn.

And yet - "How can that guy be cutting his grass?? DOESN'T HE KNOW MOM IS IN HERE DYING?!"

"How can they blithely waltz into the office, smiling - DON'T THEY KNOW WE WERE JUST TOLD THE WORST NEWS EVER??"

I recently sat out on my back porch - beer, monitor (Mack was napping), book, highlighter and pen (this book.. needs notes and highlighted sections. you'll see...) and enjoyed the first warmish (55 degrees!) sunny day in a long time...

Another "first" in a while, I am reading a paperback.  I pointedly ordered this one from Amazon - proceeds from the purchase will go directly to charities dedicated to helping the mentally ill.

Why, this book of all books, did I order archaically in paperback? (And natch, pay for it! (I can download most books for free........ #sorryNotSorry) )

Because 33 years ago this year, my grandmother's world shifted terribly - her son, with a fresh baby and wife, died by suicide.

Because 20 years ago this year, my uncle's world - as he knew it - ended when his teenage daughter (my cousin) died by suicide. (On her LAST DAY of a second stay in a treatment facility...)

Because over 4 years ago, E's father received a call from her sister - her world had come tumbling down when her husband (E's uncle) died by suicide.

The woman who wrote A Mother's Reckoning lost her son - seventeen years old - to suicide.

The book I'm reading is also about another very difficult topic - school shootings.

A Mother's Reckoning is written by Sue Klebold, mother to Dylan Klebold - one of two shooters from the Columbine massacre in 1999.

I read a fabulous review/discussion of this book, here.

This story, written by a mother who discovers she didn't know who her child was, touches on just that - the fear that I know I have as a parent: that one day, they'll become someone you don't recognize.

As Button develops friends at daycare, and falls on the playground - as he wrestles on the lawn with the neighborhood boy who is only 6 months older but about 6 inches and what seems like 60 lbs - you realize they will become independent at some point, that they will develop into a separate entity.

I hope and pray we are doing right as their parents to create an open communication - for good stories, for bad times when they need help...

((that's all I wrote on that. still wrapping up reading the book, as I'm in the last chapter of "aftermath" years later - I spent a lot of Monday at work reading about the massacre, and the victims, and the police reports - and at the end of day fell down a rabbit hole that led me from - at the time- the deadliest school shooting in US history, to the wiki page on the Virginia Tech shooting, which with its occurrence, became the deadliest school shooting - and then farther down the hole to the Orlando nightclub tragedy.
After the recent scary false-alarm at our local mall, I just keep praying that the violence does not encroach on our lives - not the daycare, not our work places, not our neighborhood))

Friday, April 7, 2017


(speaking of news.. The President that no one expected to win executed the first military action of his campaign last night.  My assistant this morning asked me what I thought of it.
It took me about 2 full minutes to gather my thoughts before I spoke. 
I never really get into politics here, and only in the last very few years have I educated myself and read articles and news stories, and while I want to bury my head in the sand of my bubble/snowdome of first world problems (the coffee in the break room isn't hot enough for me in the morning, because the carafe was filled at 8am and by 9am it's still warm, but not as warm as I like and I can't microwave it in my mug because there's metal elements. total #FWP) I also feel the need be aware of what's going on in the world, as scary as it may be to consider what the future may hold for my children.
((I'll be honest - a small part of the reason I started following things more closely was to theoretically be able to get a head start on getting the hell out of dodge when the hypothetical shit may or may not hit the fan, whatever that hypothetical shit may be... I had a dream the other night that we WATCHED as a weird plane went down over the horizon - crashed in a sense, and warheads started launching from where it had crashed. Dream-Me was already mentally grabbing as many bottles of water, cans of soup, and precious mementos as possible - cramming in any bag at arm's reach - as we flung the kids into car seats and peeled out, heading west.))

ANYWAYS - no, the news I refer to in the title is an update on The Next Great American Novel that I started writing while sitting in Starbucks on Tuesday... 
The number of pages and chapters written so far (17 chapter-book pages, an intro and five chapters) doesn't very accurately represent the hours of work put in so far which include researching medical jargon, university settings/academia, and creating characters - from their date of birth to their favorite food to their inner weaknesses and strengths.

I have the entire plot laid out (partially in print, partially in my head) and each time I "read" through what the finished product will be in my head, I get giddy and dance around and then stay up way too late (i.e. past MIDNIGHT) writing/researching/typing & deleting and typing some more.

YOU GUYS - I am so f*cking excited about this.

(Especially excited that this may make me the next Stephenie Meyer and then I can quit my day job shortly after publication because MGM/Searchlight/21stCenturyFox will want to purchase the rights and I will get to help audition actors/actresses and hand-pick the faces that get to bring my people to life.)

((I might be getting ahead of myself...))

(((I'm especially proud that I actually did work today while on the clock, the first deviation all day being the writing of this blog post...)))

I'm also looking forward to a glass of Clos du Bois chardonnay, my favorite white wine... 47 more minutes til the whistle blows!

Happy Friday!!!

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Reporting from your local Starbucks....

Listen - I'm usually a dunkin-kinda-gal... (medium french vanilla - skim milk - 2 sugars!) but I'll occasionally hit up Starbucks for a fun treat... (tall green tea latte... or skinny vanilla latte) and each time I visit the green mermaid, the college students (notepads, laptop & highlighters spread out) and the writers (coffee. laptop - usually on facebook or other writers-block-distraction) and the small business owners (calculators, quickbooks open...) catch my eye.

I feel like if I had the attention span, I could be an author. But I hated a certain writing class in highschool mostly because the teacher made us draft. and draft, and re-draft and DRAFT AGAIN.  And I like(d) to write off the cuff and edit along the way, and usually my "first draft" IS my final draft...

But today, I'm going to pretend and role-play....

See, I'm sitting at my neighborhood Starbucks - cafe breakfast sandwich half eaten, green tea latte empty, and a cup of yogurt (perfect art tableau for instagram, if I did that kind of stuff! lol) - waiting for my car to be done at the Kia service department (oil change - THOUSANDS of miles overdue - and some recall maintenance... something about anti-corrosive spray they want to put on the undercarriage... which E explained to Button this morning as, "Mommy's car is starting to fall apart, so they want to put this special spray on it." and then as I was later loading kids up in the car, Button said - "Mom. you better drive FAST to that place, your car is going to fall apart!!")

Anyways - I've also been fighting a cold the past two days - I would have called out sick yesterday had the biller/assistantt not already called out, and had I not already scheduled today off.  I left work about 1.5 hours early yesterday to get some true rest before picking kiddos up at 5:20.

Well - this morning I packed my laptop (ancient old thing from Inspiron that weighs like 20+ lbs...) and a bottle of water (I ain't paying for that sh*t at starbucks. free water > bougie water) and I've been working for the past hour from Starbucks (which conveniently will make up for yesterday afternoon).

and - well, maybe - now that I've finished with work for the day, maybe I will take a stab at writing! (HA - maybe 5 years from now I'll be the next STephenie Meyer and will be interviewing and be like, "It all started when my car needed service at the Kia dealership!")

But for now - a quick rant from Sunday that I penned while in bed (cathartic to get it out before I even put my feet down for the day! lol):

I believe that, thanks to evolution or some bullshit like that, that men are ingrained -they have it in their fucking CODING to think they get a free pass or pardon from child rearing for 95% of the time.
Because they're the hunter-gatherer or some shit.

Well maybe we need another round of evolution influenced mainly by the (relatively/in the last million years) new thing where mothers are working full time, where they are "hunter-gatherers" too.

I mean- maybe this deep instinctive feature is only in MY husband.
Because he seems to be evolved to a state where, because he's the male - and hunts/gathers a bit extra (his websites and side businesses which - lets be honest are his HOBBIES as well,and earn him $$ thousands $$ - as opposed to scrubbing dirty dishes and washing/ folding load after load of clothes which earn me only whatever money was found in pockets ($25.and it was my own money) ) he expects "his woman" to handle it all.

But then - and here's the real kicker!- he had the nerve, last Sunday after an unusual laid back weekend with us all home , to suggest that we take turns on Sundays- "maybe I'll take them for a few hours so you can 'get your stuff done or do your own thing' and then you take them for a few hours so I can 'do my thing'."


Despite the fact that 'my own thing' would consist of fucking chores, and not sitting around reading and eating bon bons - and 'his own thing' would be his HOBBY which earns him mad money - this is all even MORE ironic because on average, every other weekend I've got both kids with me out shopping or at yoga and lunch - leaving E alone for HOURS.

The IRONY especially is that yesterday, I firstly let him asleep til TEN AM. And then had Button at Walmart from 11 til 2 (Mack slept from 1230-245!!) And then I took them both to a play date/mom date at my friend Dee's house-  and we didn't get back until 7:30!!!

How much fucking more of a break do you want???

And do I not deserve one at all? (Even if just to have a chance to wash YOUR dirty clothes and dishes you don't seem to pick up after yourself????)

/end rant

Off to start the next great American novel.