I should be in Vegas with these odds...

As anyone who's had a loss will tell you - as time goes on, you have more good days than bad.  But the bad days are still there - like when I read an article (see below!) that sends me stumbling back into the first few days afterwards and the endless "why me????"


I've always felt like I never win anything - raffles, free spa giveaways, radio contests... Both E and my father have, at some point, said right before a drawing "I'm going to win that shirt," or "I'm gonna win those free tickets."

And guess what - they won!  (I've tried this method NUMEROUS times, saying I'm gonna win something - it only succeeds in making other ticket holders look at me funny, like I rigged the whole thing... until I don't win and then they just laugh.


Odds of winning the lottery are like, 1 in 175 million.
Odds of winning those obnoxiously rigged boardwalk games are like, 1 in 900. 

You know the odds of a "spontaneous miscarriage" in early pregnancy (before 12 weeks)?

15-20%

Ok, I actually feel better hearing that percentage - those are actually some decent odds.  I'm SO not alone in all this...

Then I read about the odds of a "spontaneous miscarriage" occurring after hearing the heartbeat.

They're less than 5%. 

How about the odds after hearing the heartbeat TWICE - 10 days apart???

Get this - the odds of having a normal pregnancy after seeing a healthy first heartbeat, for women even with recurring pregnancy loss, is 83%.  I'm not considered to be "RPL" so the odds of a normal pregnancy aftering seeing the heartbeat for me?

Between 95-97%.  F*ck me.

How the hell did I win life's f*cked up lottery with those odds? 
Did you know the odds are almost the SAME for a second trimester loss as a first trimester loss after hearing fetal heartbeat?? A second trimester loss is only a slightly less chance at just under 4%..

And did you know that traditionally (and medically) all pregnancy losses before 24 weeks are labeled "abortions?"   Doctors would label my chart a "missed abortion."

How about a woman who's had multiple losses?  "Habitual aborter." 

She's lumped together with the irresponsible (and most likely drug addicted) teenagers who rely on abortions as their form of birth control.

SERIOUSLY medical community?! 

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On this bad day, I've decided to take a time out from my life - I'm heading to the Upper West Side (NYC) to stay with a good friend.  We'll do brunch, drinks, museums (rain forecast!), more drinks, dinner, some more drinks.  

I'm looking very much forward to it.  

I just hope I can keep from looking back...

**information pulled from this article