Tuesday, October 16, 2012

starting over...

I hate blogging on CD1.

There's no wit, the snark reserve tank is empty.

But the world goes on...

And As the World Turns... (sorry, my mom's favorite "stories" immediately popped into my head - Beau and Hope anyone?!)

Last night, when I finally had the nerve to break the shitty news to E, his first reaction was - We should probably start looking into getting tested then.

Because in his eyes, we have been TTC since May of 2011, with no success.

When in reality, well - MY reality and my perception based on reading other's experiences with doctors and RE's -
1. I went off bcp in May. 
2. Didn't really begin to ovulate until months later. (January to be exact, and from this I have decided I will NEVER EVER go on hormonal birth control again.  *Unless I have 2-3 kids and decide I am done, but would be ok with a serious "oops/surprise" baby)
3. Got pregnant in February (which we know, "resets" the TTC clock...)
4. Didn't officially try again til July, which only puts us at starting our fourth cycle TTCAL...

I adore that he's willing to volunteer even himself for testing, and that he recognizes that this involves both of us equally. 
But while I'm also nervous and scared that there IS a possibility that we get to that stage of TTC, I was able to calm him down for now, give us a few more cycles (and PLEASE GOD let me be the next one, my last before EDD...)

I think that he believes we've been kind of lacksadaisical (wow spelling??) about the whole process, when should have been taking action...  But I think it helped when I told Eric again - men never listen - that I had already gotten tested to rule out thyroid diseases that run in my family.  And that, when I approached my doctor about the 14-16 day cycles 6 months after coming off bcp, even my ob/gyn looked at the timeframe and our age, and recommended "giving it some more time.")

I just want this to happen already... We have friends getting married this weekend, and while I know it's not how I should see things, to me its another runner next to us in the race...

So - back to basics - Buggy List time.

FireShaper hot yoga tomorrow night.
My online photography class is set to start Nov 5th (about the time, I calculate, I'll be ovulating. woot.)

Amazon needs to refill my depleted stock of OPKs...
And food shopping tonight, with an updated shopping list after the latest additions: more POM juice and green tea....

1 comment:

  1. Again, I'm so sorry you're at CD 1 today. It's a place no one ever wants to be at. It's so hard to have that positive outlook when you're at that stage of starting over and when that hope you've built up just collapses.

    I am so proud of you for being so strong throughout this whole thing. And for E to be brave enough to volunteer testing (even if he meant it to be for BOTH of you). Because, you're right, men aren't always quick to jump on the testing wagon.

    FX for you for next cycle!