Friday, October 5, 2012

Is YOUR Vagina happy?

so, doctor's visit yesterday was pretty uneventful... oh wait, I just remembered - it WASN'T:

first off, I walked out of work a little later than intended so I had to haul ass over to my OB/GYN, and then had to park far from the front door ( annoying while in heels!)
and you know that awkward walk/run/saunter you do when you look up and realize there's another person whose trajectory is going to put you at the building door at the EXACT SAME MOMENT and you either try to speed up to be first, or slow down for them to be first? 
I won.
But it was a couple - and I can pretty much guarantee that when the guy is there for the appointment, its for a pregnancy.  GREAT.

And apparently she took it personal that I decided to take charge and be the first through the door, so she sat in the waiting room staring daggers at me... While I sat, pretending to read and had to listen to the young couple (yea, ANOTHER couple) telling their toddler they brought, how exciting - we're going to see if you're gonna have a little brother! (or SISTER said the mom - so starting a 10 minute back-and-forth of "oh, but I really hope it's a boy/girl!")

So, I get into exam room where a nurse asks me why I'm there, symptoms, etc (for some reason I felt like a college guy with an STD - "It burns a little when I pee...")
When she asks for a urine sample, I'm all, done - I can make a square centimeter target, want me to pee direclty into that beaker?? (she said no and handed me the sample cup...)
*ETA - also, she couldn't freaking believe that I was around CD20 and had just ovulated - GASP - you're NOT a regular 28-day cyce? ARE YOU AN ALIEN?!

Urine looks clear of infection, but she wanted the doctor to do a quick exam anyways (great, I definitely wanted to drop trou on a day when I haven't shaved - ok when I havent shaved for the past TWO days...HEY - BDing is over, a girl deserves a break!)

I nearly shot off the exam table when I hear the nurse say, "um Doc - would you like some gloves??"

After watching him don BOTH gloves, I settled back down, legs splayed in stirrups, and I explain to the doc that I'm sure I'm just being OCD about this because we're trying again and he turns to me and says NO JOKE, "Well in that case we want to make sure you have a happy vagina then!"

I did what any sane, normal human would. 

I said "Don't forget, I also need a happy uterus, ovaries and eggs!"

1 comment:

  1. For real - some B who's there with her man was so angry at an (obviously) pregnancy appointment was pissed at you!? Omg we've all been there and who the eff get's pissed if someone goes through the door first. Would she have been pissed if you hit the button for the elevator if she wanted to hit it too?! WTF!