*insert witty title*

so I wrote this post a few times (at least 6) in my head this morning as I dressed for work (stomping around, throwing clothes everywhere - a good old-fashioned tantrum).

Snark and witty-ness aside, succinctly put - I had a temp drop (.5 degrees) and BFN this morning.

FUCKETY FUCK.

I have whiplash from the yo-yoing I did this weekend...
Yesterday morning was a gorgeous secondary rise, to which I thought - HELL TO THE YEA - PREGGLES!!!!!!!!

and then what I thought was tinged (brown) CM (FUCK!) and I panicked and then tried to console myself, "It's brown! Maybe it's just implantation blood finally making its way out!!"

And while AF still hasn't arrived, I am despondant.  I feel  numb.  I'm SO SICK of this...

*sigh* but here we go, trying to stay positive:

1. I'll be able to get shitty at the wedding this weekend of our really good friend (DH is best man.)
2. I'll be able to use my hot yoga Groupon that expires in like, 2 weeks.
3. It's a STRETCH, but I just realized I miscounted and this was not my last chance - I have ONE MORE CYCLE before my EDD. If CD1 comes today/tomorrow, I'll be testing about 10 days before the dreaded date...
4. ok, AF hasn't technically made an appearance yet... which is also a bad thing - if I'm not KU, I WANT A DRINK TONIGHT!  (I nearly ordered a regular caf coffee this morning as consolation, but the jingle ran through my head, "you're not out til AF shows!")

So here I am drinking crappy decaf coffee that was probably brewed over 24 hours ago, wearing my black underwear and black slacks, hitting the ladies room every hour, on the hour to check and see if AF is here yet...

Oh yea.
Happy freaking Infant & Pregnancy Loss Day.