A Confession...

First off, I almost died Monday night...
well, more figuratively than literally (although it was damn close).

Gas cramps (those ones high up in your ribs? and you feel like a good burp or fart will fix them all?) started Monday at work right after lunch, and got so bad by 4pm I could barely sit up, so I went home (drove myself, was horrible...)
cramps continued, I consulted with Dr. Google (bowel obstruction! GONNA NEED SURGERY!) and my MIL (who's been an endoscopy nurse for years - poop is her business!) she guessed it was viral, and I would eventually vomit or have diarrhea. (YES! At that point, I would take anything if it meant the cramps would stop...)

Finally, while E was putting Button to sleep, I threw up.  AND HALLELUJAH the cramps had stopped... I was able to sit up and walk again, and so devoured dinner (albeit a slightly smaller than usual dinner). 

Went to bed around 11 as usual (even read a bit before!) and somehow woke up around 12:30 - can't remember if it was cramps or nausea that woke me, but I began vomiting again... after the first bout, I tried to lay back down in bed only to be overcome with nausea 20-30 minutes later...
Lather, Rinse & Repeat one more time, and I decided to camp out on the bathroom floor...

I knew I would need two plush robes eventually! One served as a pillow, the other a blanket... 2-3 more bouts of nearly dry-heaving (not much left in the tummy at this point...) and E came in with a damp wash cloth (heaven!) and to see if I was still alive (barely)...

I felt bad I was keeping him up (it was 3:30 at this point) so I had him help me get downstairs to the couch and prepare a bucket (popcorn bowl... now currently soaking with bleach and hot water).  That set up saw me dry heave and lamely line the bucket with gross bile...
(And Button woke up... so now E was dealing with a sick wife and a fussing toddler - who he ended up bringing to bed with him, and they proceeded to lay awake for about 45 minutes before Button finally passed out...)
I didn't get relief until about 5am, when I thankfully passed out...

That was the last of the vomiting, and miraculously - I had my appetite back by around 7:30 that morning when E brought me buttered toast and a banana (which I devoured...)

so - time for the confession...


Maybe it was the ravenous hunger I had (ok, toast and a banana filled me, but still) immediately following violent vomiting...

But something made me test that day, with horribly yellow/orange (hello! so dehydrated!) somewhat-first-morning-urine...

It was 9DPO, so don't ask - I have no idea what I was thinking

And in fact, it looked negative to me at the end of the 5 minutes (and why shouldn't it? AT NINE DPO!) 

So I set it aside, thinking I'd be a horrible cheat and look at it again in an hour... because that's what happens when you're crazy...


but guys.... a few hours later?


I got a "holy-shit-I'm-totally-seeing-things" second line...
a line that I had to twist and hold the pee stick to the sunlight and squint and could only see for a second before I didn't see it anymore... (which also makes me totally crazy, because that far outside the time limit SO DOESN'T COUNT!)

But..
Then I tested again this morning...
and saw a faint (but don't have to squint at all!) second line...
(and totally within the 5 minutes!!!!)



I haven't even told E yet...


ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod....


please be sticky...