Wall - Meet Head

I want to do this:

Because even after (I think/thought) AF arrived, I'm still wondering if I might be KTFU...

(right? who does that?! I am NOT some newbie!!)


It all started .. one dark rainy night... (haha just kidding)


It began when (What I thought was) AF arrived way early, with a random splotch of pink spotting one day, and CD1 the next. (I guess it barely even meets "CD1" standards of needing a tampon or pad - because this cycle never really did reach its usual heaviness, I only really used panty liners...)
"AF" has now continued 3-4 days past its usual length, with random brown spotting the entire time...

Next thing I noticed was a very high cervix still (like, O-time-high) on CD26, about 8-9DPO (the day of pink spotting).

Today, ye olde Gate to Uterus is still very high, very closed.

And of course anything I read says that "CP before menstruation is very low, dry and sticky."

OF COURSE.

What's more - I've had weird acid bumps on my tongue for a day or two now - like, all over.  and a little bit white-ish.  Which led me to discover pregnancy(hormone)-related oral thrush.

OF COURSE

And then, during snowboarding with bestie-Dee yesterday (awesome-ness complete with beer, shots* and girl-talk (*shots because, Hello - AF, right?!?!)) she said something that I still hear ringing in my ears:
 that she "had a few glasses of wine the night before her BFP (for her 9-mo-old son) and only because she had thought she had gotten her period and didn't think she was pregnant!"

*Not what someone in my position needed to hear...

Add to that crazy-mix the fact that I fell asleep Saturday night on the couch at 9:30 (pretty early, even for me - but not totally surprising after CKO kickboxing at 8:15 that morning...)

So.

I'll be peeing on things when I get home tonight.

and will later most likely just toast a weird AF with some Redd's Apple Ale (hard cider)

(and then make an appointment to see a dentist about my weird tongue!)


Now excuse me, I have to go pee (for the third time in the last hour - which is most likely because I'm drinking lots of water.

RIGHT?!)