First - an apology, this will be quite a novel and no fun images... a lot happened this weekend (and yesterday) that I just need to get through and still process...
I hurt for both couples, and wanted (in my drunk "I'll fix all problems!"attitude) to sit the PotatoHeads down and say to them, "Just communicate! Voice your concerns Mrs. PH! You guys are a TEAM in this process! It's not "your fault" or "his fault!"
And so dawned Sunday - E spoke to his sister, who said (I learned this again via the game Telephone) that she spoke to hubby, and he apologized for how bad it looked that he'd moved money, etc. That it really was the better interest rates, etc. And as far as I was told, he didn't further clarify on why it was only half of their money, and if it was in her name as well...
Yesterday, E stayed home sick, and I joined him around lunch time (yay stomach bug... but weirdly enough one that only caused nausea - no vomiting, and no (yuck!) diarrhea, thank god!)
Later, E was out picking up Button from daycare and stopping at the store for prepared dinner foods (no cooking for us last night...) As I was trying to gather strength and sip a cup of chicken broth, I received a text from him:
"[BIL] left [SIL] today while she was at work. Dropping Button off then heading to her house..."
My heart sunk...
After more Telephone, I learned this:
SIL got home from work. BIL's car was still in the driveway, trunk loaded with clothes and belongings.
She walked in to a "Sit down, we need to talk."
She was given a four page letter (see definite premeditation there) and was ultimately asked for a divorce.
And in this FOUR PAGE LETTER, in which he was already dividing their belongings: "You can have the TV in the living room, and I would take the one in our bedroom. [...] I've paid a month's rent to our landlord, so you have another month in the apartment while you figure out where you want to live. [...] " was the crux of WHY:
He had "fallen out of love."
He has successfully made SIL feel she is to blame - she collapsed at MIL's house last night as family gathered around her, wondering out loud if the past four years has been a total farce - if it was EVER real...
As my heart broke for her, I got angry...
This man - the GODFATHER to my son - had most definitely been planning this for at least some time... He had been planning this cowardly move even during dinner at our house a few weeks ago. He had known he wanted to leave his wife as they played with Button in my house.
E had a few choice words via text as BIL attempted to save face. And I have to say I am so proud of E, who told me this of their conversation:
(BIL attempted to save face in large texts - of which I don't really know the content)
(mind you, I've paraphrased based on what I remember and what is needed for you to understand the context)
E: Don't even try this. You have destroyed the family that stepped in to support you over the past few years. The family who walked with you in support of defeating ALS (a disease that killed his father years ago). The family who helped you bury your mother two years ago, who, were she alive, would be disgusted and disappointed by your behavior. (NOTE - OMG best thing to say ever. who doesn't cringe whenever they are told they disappointed their parents?!)
His final text to someone who had, E thought, opened up during work lunches about TTC with SIL and how they were finally seeming to be doing better, and how he (BIL) appreciated being able to talk with E :
"Do me a favor - lose my number, and hang your head low."
E said it felt like the family had lost a member, and I said - it did.
We are now in mourning for a man we thought existed, and we have just learned maybe he never did. How long has he fooled us all? Had he already started writing the letter when he and FIL went to Yonkers for a weekend of slot machines together last month?
SIL is embarassed, humiliated and hurt - crying over what happens next... people thought they were this happy, perfect couple - what now?
I am horrified at the transformation of someone who we all loved and thought would be such a great role model and figure for Button to have in his life... It's despicable the things that have happened, and I don't even know where to start with SIL, besides an "I love you and am sorry" text... that feels so ineffective against what she's facing...
E said it well - You have disgraced this family, BIL, what was YOUR family - HANG YOUR HEAD LOW...