And it escalated because basically, I eat (pretty damn) healthy all the time- at work it is yogurt and/or oatmeal for a second breakfast, fruit cups or apple sauce or grapes for snacks, healthy lunches made by the kitchen here (great job perks are the free lunches that I know are prepared with all wheat and turkey and healthy stuff, thanks to the obsessive owner!)
And all E seems to see is when I veg out on the couch after work (after emptying dishwashers, running laundry, cleaning up the kitchen - i.e. I have EARNED the right to couch-surf) and I grab a bag of chili cheese fritos (omfg the best thing ever).
But then I end up eating just one tiny handful, and then passing out! So what looks like a nom-session is really just my eyes being much bigger than my stomach:
I bring /\this/\ with me to the couch, and all I eat is \/this\/
So the argument with E was basically this:
E - all you eat is JUNK, you're feeding the baby all these processed chemicals!
K - I am at work 45 hours a week, you don't see what I eat there - it's all seriously healthy!
E - just look at this MASS of junk food you bought last shopping trip
K - and just look - in TWO WEEKS since I bought this all: both bags of BBQ goldfish are unopened, the small bag of fritos is only HALF GONE, the GirlScout cookies (damn them and their stands at the exits!) are unopened! (in other words - I've barely eaten ANY of it in the past TWO WEEKS)
E - blah blah blah
K - YOU DON'T KNOW ME!
Yea, I dunno - he laughed at that last one...
Anyways - as I stomped around up in our bedroom later (SLAM - does he HEAR how angry he made me?! CRASH!) I remembered my brother's wedding three and a half years ago...
We were sitting in church during the service and listening to the minister discuss marriage and the secrets to it... he said, the most important words to keep in mind - AND USE! - are "I'm sorry..."
He went on to say that its the key to a successful relationship - to be able to come to the other person and just say, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry we're fighting..."
And then E and I spent the rest of the trip giggling and saying "I'm sorry!" every two minutes...
But yes, the point of the message DID sink it - I know the concept, I understand it - but I CAN. NOT. bring myself to ever utter those words after we fight/argue/disagree...
As I seethe and steam, I know in my head that the best way to move forward is an "I'm sorry..." I just can't seem to ever spit out the words... (hey and neither can he - we ARE both Leo zodiac signs - not that I quite believe in all that stuff, but in this case we both DEFINITELY have the stubborn streak!)
"You're an ass..."
"No, YOU'RE an ass!"
And god help us - baby boy will make three Leos... under one house...
How do you and your spouse resolve fights? (If you do at all!)
What? Fight? Oh we NEVER EVER fight. We are the perfect couple and anyone who fights fails at marriage.
ReplyDeleteTotally kidding.
You're so right about saying I'm sorry though. I have no idea what genes I have that make me refuse to say the words. Ugh. I can't say I have a definite technique for resolving fights either. Ick. I hate fighting but it's just something that happens sometimes!
I can totally relate to your post! Here's my suggestion: don't apologize right away. I know how hard it can be to say "I'm sorry" when you don't feel like you are in the wrong. What I would try to do is wait until you both are calm and have time to talk, then tell him that you want to talk about your argument. Tell him "I feel ________ when ______________ " so for instance, maybe "I feel attacked when you accuse me of making bad food choices." Then let him respond for a little bit. Then go on and present what you told us here, about eating very sensibly most of the time. Hopefully you guys can both meet in the middle and say I'm sorry for being angry/upset/whatever. But just jumping to saying you're sorry doesn't really fix anything. Good luck hon!
ReplyDeleteI think Erin's right on here, especially since I don't really see you as being in the wrong in this case. (Okay, I *might* be an enabler here, but I do think everyone is entitled to junk every once in awhile, especially someone who is growing another someone.) Don't apologize right away, let your emotions cool down, and then approach him to talk about it calmly.
DeleteI am cracking up reading this - this is totally my Hubby and I as well. We are both Leo's too. We eventually get to sorry but it's after a stubborn tantrum by at least one of us. We have just gotten to the point where we get mad and then we get over it. As long as we talk about it at some point I am more apt to be ok with letting things go. It's the not talking about things that gets me in a funk because it just leads to more fighting down the line. Saying sorry can be so hard though, so hard! It's worth it but being stubborn is so much more exciting!
ReplyDeleteE and I are kind of you guys then - we get mad, and then get over it... it usually does end in a (somewhat) calm discussion of each person's side/point of view... But being stubborn DOES make it that much more exciting! What would we DO if we didn't always butt heads?! =)
DeleteI had HG from 4 weeks right up until the hospital, my last vomit was on the operating table while my OB had his hands inside me mid c-section. For months on end I survived on the weirdest, unhealthiest crap - anything I could get into my mouth without throwing up as soon as it hit my tongue and every single health professional said that the baby would take all the good and I'd get all the bad and to eat whatever worked for me. I had three months where all I could eat was KFC chips, Magnum White Ice Cream and Lipton Peach Iced Tea and most of that ended up back in the toilet. There is no nutrition at all in that but the doctors were more than fine - a baby will take the calcium out of your very bones if it needs it, it's a total parasite. I don't mean to enable you but seriously sounds like hubby needs to take a step back and chill, a little bit of junk isn't going to harm your baby xx good luck!
ReplyDeleteoh my GAWD I'm sorry you had HG and MS that bad! oof!
DeleteSounds like quite the annoying argument. I am pretty stubborn, but most of the time my dh just lets things go. We usually write each other notes to resolve things. Luckily we never fight over anything serious.
ReplyDelete