After a torrential downpour the previous day, I made it home to eat lunch and soak up some sun on the back deck - I feel all chic and european at my little bistro set. (Except when it's CD1 and I've cracked open a cold BudLight and dripped grease from a juicy cheeseburger. As American as it gets...)
So this morning, when the BBT beep-beep-beeped, I was all pumped and expecting/wanting/hoping-as-hard-as-I-could to see another nice high temp at 13DPO... *sigh*
Stupid hope.
If I had to make a checks and balances for today so far, pros and cons - Goods and Bads... Well, here's hoping there's more good later today to even this all out:
Going against me today:
1. Big temp drop this morning. Big as in, more than a half a degree.
2. Got an email from some CordBanking company - "Congrats, your pregnancy is more than half over!"
...Thanks for the reminder of where I SHOULD be, and on a possible CD1 to boot, AssHats. Go Eff Yourself
3. Epic lawsuit at my job that's been raging for 2+ years reared its ugly head again, and I've got another three page list of documents to gather and procure in the next week or so...
3. Then I did probably the Worst Thing possible - extended the hope and shamelessly chart-stalked on FF and found one that I liked: -HPT on CD11, temp drop and then a +HPT
Things going FOR me today:
1. AF has NOT shown up yet, with no sign anywhere on the horizon...
It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings!!
2. I gots me another "BAD ASS" flower on today. The second I popped the BBT out (of my mouth!) and saw the temperature, I was already planning an outfit around this badboy:
3. I got a hot date tonight with my gf at the famous sushi place - strawberry basil martinis anyone?! (Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place: if AF doesn't show, am I still on team Drink-til-its-Pink?? I only don't want AF to show for a GOOD REASON and the only good reason would be TWO PINK LINES! Hear me universe?! I know you gotta be spe-CI-FIC about things here - like the guy who wished his wife was years younger than him and more beautiful, and HE aged 20 years instead!)
Ok - Here's a positive to add - I'm doing it. A blog give-away.
For me, these flowers are a little reminder of a hope, soul-crushing though it occasionally may be, that I should keep in front of me, like a donkey following a dangling carrot.
I believe there will be a BIG reward payout at the end of this journey, and I want to always remember the hope that I try to keep alive during this all. Because even though it is one big Mo-Fo roller coaster, without hope - there's nothing.
“Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
Whispering 'it will be happier'...”
― Alfred Tennyson
Out of the first 20 comments, one will be randomly drawn to win a Flower of Hope. Once the drawing's done, I'll mention the winner in the very next blog entry - I'll also get in touch with you to find out what kind of flower you'd like - ring, necklace, pin, etc.
So tell me, what's your TTC/TTCAL talisman? What stands as a reminder of hope for you during this process?
Ugh... This is a hard one. I don't know what really brings me hope! How sad is that??
ReplyDeleteThe PHRASE that gets me through this all is "As Fast As She Can" (she being the pronoun I chose because I want a little girl someday!) My baby is coming and I know he/she wants to get here ASAP but they can't rush. They have to do a series of things first - the follicle must mature, the certain sperm must develop, and the BD has to happen at the appropriate time for this baby to be made. And when I meet that baby, then I'll realize that they got here as fast as they could and THAT was the baby that I was meant to have!