I can still remember, two years and three months ago, sitting down at the computer - one week post-MMC + D&C - trying to find an outlet for the thoughts I used to so regularly pen into an old-fashioned notebook (mostly in highschool - boy are those fun to look back and re-read! I was so boy crazy!!!)
And somehow, of all the blogging platforms and sites, I stumbled upon you, Blogger. It must have been the clean format, the easy app available, and the fact that you connected to an existing Google account (oh modern technology! I used to pick journals/diaries based on how strong the lock was, or how pretty the cover!)
I've seen/read of bloggers who print and bind pages and pages of blog entries, so they can have a tangible journal to hold, to re-read and reminisce. While I would definitely want to review and edit some entries before-hand (I don't think making fun of fBFF's fat elbow dimples warrants a page in the book - in case anyone else were to read!), it's definitely something I've considered doing - especially as I sometimes think, technology isn't fool-proof, what if something big happens and I lose two years and three months' worth of thoughts and emotions and happenings?!
(and then sometimes I shake my head, like any Generation Z'er, and think, silly me - the internet is infallible!)
And Blogger, even in addition to providing me a place to write my heart out, you've also provided a community that I've discovered over the past few years - other bloggers!!! (even the ones that don't - gasp - use your platform!)
If I hadn't ever created a blog, I would never have found sites like TheStirrupQueens - an incredible resource for basically everything pregnancy- and loss- and infertility- and adoption- and surrogacy-related. (And I mean everything - check out the left-hand sidebar on her page! DAMN IMPRESSIVE!)
(***UPDATE! sadly - as I realized that the most recent month listed on mel's homepage was June 2015, I discovered that ICLW is being, at the moment, retired... I honestly wondered about its future when the June list was only 10 blogs, and in the past it averaged 25, and I always tried to make it in the first 10 (listed by date they signed up for ICLW) because I worried no one ever checked down at number 24 on the list... Thank you Mel, for hosting it as long as you did!)
Some great bloggers I discovered through community forums with that great little link in their signature, "my blog." One of these is the blogger I call Wease (find her awesome blog here!)
Just a few days into my own blogging adventure, I discovered hers - and that she had experienced the same loss I had just gone through! It began with commenting on each other's blogs, continued on with emails and hours spent chatting online, and after an epic visit TWO years (TWO YEARS?!) ago, we became IRL besties!
Unless vacations have us away from our work desks, there's rarely a day that goes by without us chatting - about our two-year-old boys (can you believe that?! born just three days apart!!), and about what's going on at our respective jobs, and about TTCAL the second round (TFAS) and about being PGAL again (yup!! we're both pregnant again together! due just 4 weeks apart!) There is nothing off-limits for us (or TMI!)
Another fabulous blogger-friend I've recently made is Krystal - mom of two angel boys and a brand new baby girl (well, um - 6-months-old brand new!) And for people wondering about these "friendships" and "well, really - how well can you become friends/close with someone online?! What about like, The Craigslist Killer?!"
It's something that really is hard to explain, until you experience the drawing together of an online community in support of loss-moms, you may not understand it - but it is so real, and genuine...
we mail each other gifts - Krystal recently sent Baby Girl her first one!
An adorable sleeper (fox-feet! ZOMG!)
a softer-than-soft sleep sack
and a more-precious-than-imaginable book...
About that book... Krystal's precious baby boys, Connor & Benjamin, were born on January 10th, 2014 - at only 22 1/2 weeks gestation - too early for survival - from an infection called chorioamnionitis.
The book Snuggle Puppy is a book that Connor & Benjamin have - and it means so much to me that Krystal wanted Baby Girl to have a copy of this book - I'll definitely be thinking of Krystal's sweet boys each and every time we read this...
That's the closeness and friendship you get through online communities like the one Blogger has opened up to me...
So, in addition to a big thank you to Krystal for the great gifts! - a big thank you, and "I LOVE YOU!" to Blogger - without you, I (we) wouldn't be here today and that definitely seems like a lonely place to be!
Love,
an adoring fan/blogger/blog-reader
I am so glad that you liked the gift! I am always so amazed on how the blogger community can come together to support each other, especially with experiences that other people may not understand. I know I sometimes get looks when I mention that I blog, but I know how much it means to write, read, and connect with other people. Thanks for sharing your story, I have loved following along! I feel like I know you! Also - Lisa Frank? HELL YES.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that we met through our respective crap luck of MMCs. I honestly don't know how I could have dealt with the day to day crap without being able to just bounce my rants off of you and just mutually feel like the entire ordeal is completely unfair. But through that loss we grew as friends and can now definitely chat about anything! Absolutely no such thing as TMI. I look forward to talking to you every day and when you're out, I'm usually itching to talk to you so I email you instead :)
ReplyDeleteI love you too, blogger! Thanks for bringing us together!
Blogger was a lifeline for me, too, as well as the community we found. I've had some people question how I can feel like the women I have met can be friends. and I just don't know how to explain it other than unless it's you, you have no idea. No idea how lonely it is to lose your baby and no idea how much it means to find others who understand.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of printing out entries. I never thought of it, but there are some posts here I wrote when I was really raw that I would hate to lose even though I can't read them.