Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Healthy Fighting... Is it possible?

So this morning on the drive in (hello CarRide Chronicles!) a local radio station was doing its weekly "Love 'em or Leave 'em" series - a caller/listener/fan presents a situation they want public opinion on (like, "He acted shady during his bachelor party, and now won't answer questions on if there were strippers... should I leave him?!" or a more recent, "We both agreed on no kids, but now a year into our relationship I want kids and she still does NOT.. should I leave her?")

This morning, I tuned in very late and I only caught the very last few minutes, so I honestly have no idea what the situation was for this morning's poll... but I did hear the husband on the phone, very angry, having heard his wife airing their issues on the radio during his drive to work...

The DJs were ripping him apart for raising his voice at her, and yelling that [whatever the issue was] was a decision that was NONE OF THEIR [the radio station/public] BUSINESS and was an issue to be solved and decided on in the privacy of their own home, as a family.

Awkward for on-air fighting, sure, but justified and reasonable, yes?

All of a sudden the DJ's were all, "this is so unhealthy for you [wife]!! He's so abusive!! Does he talk to you like that all the time??"  (and she admitted, no - he must be very angry, because he doesn't usually yell like that...)

And meanwhile, I started yelling at the radio station (think they heard me through my bluetooth? lol)

Because voices were raised, it's unhealthy?

There was no name calling, no trash talking, no insulting of the radio station - just anger that his spouse (he felt) violated his trust, in so many words, and aired private issues on a public forum...

And all the DJ's could say was, "He's psycho! Definitely leave him!"

What happened to healthy fights??

We have friends acquaintances (at this point) that we knew fought from time to time, sometimes about heavy issues - not necessarily the "can you please put the toilet seat down?!" - and whenever E would ask hubby (formally his best friend, bestman at our wedding) he'd be all, "nope! we're fine! We're totally fine, no fighting at all!" 

Like they were ashamed or worried that fighting (of any kind) meant their relationship was rocky...

I'd heard, some where, a long time ago, that you should actually be concerned about your relationship when you stop fighting...

Of course, there is a healthy WAY to fight, but even the old adages of "Don't go to bed angry!" have been suggested as garbage (sometimes it's better to sleep on it and re-approach it the next day with a fresher mind!)

Anyways - all of this to say - it's ok to fight!

As E and I tiff almost daily (especially with pregnancy hormones, HOLY WHOA!) I remind myself - make sure Button sees resolution at the end of a disagreement (as most of ours are - we're Leos, what can I say?)

Make sure, at the end of the day, you each know you love each other (even if the sex-drought is one of the longest yet... fatigue seems to be kicking my ass each day, and you know - last week's lovely Y.I. certainly didn't kertow to any sexy-time... I think it's hopeful and optimistic to expect a few escapades between now and when BabyGirl makes her entrance!!)

(Also - a coworker just walked by with her kid's chocolate-bar-fundraiser-box... while she had no peanut butter (BOOOOO!! I just realized, probably something to do with all the peanut allergies nowadays... ) I most certainly bought a crispy rise bar! Pregnant mama says Thanks for the teeny tiny $1 candy bar!)

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