Saturday, December 14, 2013


...I put my fingers, um - in my armpits, and then I smell them like THISSSSSSSSSSS"

oh sorry, wrong line...

true story - sometimes I shake my ta-tas:
(of course, I'm a girl... and I don't have this shirt.)

Anyways - sometimes I shake my ta-tas and sing:
           "maaaaaai MILKSHAKE brings all the boys to the yard!"

(Get it? My MILK-shake?!)
I crack myself up...

**Also, do NOT try to google Boob-Shaking GIFs.  Unless you're into that kinda thing...

But those milk-shake days are coming to a close, sadly...

So I think I really had PPA during the first few months - the nursing, the lack of weight gain, the switch to EPing, the panic over my supply and pumping enough, the fanatic approach to building a freezer stash (I caught myself nearly shorting a bottle for Ben once so I would have 1 oz to add to the freezer. SERIOUSLY?!)
But the day has come - I've been winding down my freezer stash over the last couple of days...
OH god I'm going to reveal how big of a nerd I am and admit that I figured out a mathematic formula to calculate how long the stash would last, and how many days I could spend at each "weaning stage" - like 3oz of BM per bottle, then 2.5oz, then 2oz and so on... (Yes. I really did sit down one night and figure out a formula.)

I can't tell you how strange it feels, after the weeks of stashing and stocking every 1/2 oz I could to build up the freezer stash, only to pull bag after bag lately and know that very soon, I will grab the very last bag of frozen breast milk.
And I will hook up to the pump for the very last time, and after washing them for the LAST TIME, I will pack up and store all the flanges, membranes, and extra battery packs.
I will bag them up and tuck them in a far, dark, deep corner of our cobwebby attic...

(Ok, I'll really be returning the Medela hospital grade pump to the pharmacy we rented it from, and return the Medela PISA to E's cousin, who I borrowed it from...)

but can I tell you how EXCITED I am to be done with pumping??

During the PPA days, and even to this day still - I was consumed with giving all BM to my baby... because I thought it the absolutely very best for my child?
because I thought formula was full of chemicals and came directly from Satan?

Try answer C:  MOMMY GUILT

You know what, you lucky bitches who had/have an easy time BFing and think to your nasty little Lanolin-loving-selves, man she just didn't try hard enough, and now poor baby has to be filled with chemicals - You know what?
***ETA*** this is only directed at the SMUG, holier-than-thou BF mamas, not just all successful BF mamas. Just to be clear.


Because you know? My son is fed.  And Happy.

AND GUESS WHAT  - this kid sleeps through the night like NOBODY'S business.

(Not rubbing it in faces - *ahem- Wease*)

but if you can't brag about being 100% Boob Juice, you sure can brag about a sleeping baby!

(And a gi-mongous vacation (enjoy Wease!))

Next time on The Buggy List:

Farewell, Pump!

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