PTSD, EBF and STTN...

Is that enough acronyms for you?!

Let's start with the first one: PTSD.

I had a friend half-joke recently that she thought I had PTSD from Button's rocky weight gain... and I had to agree...

(Most likely) Because of my experience with Button, I was/am a little sensitive to making sure Baby girl was/is on a good growth curve.  At the same time, I was damn determined to make BFing successful, and I made the decision that I was NOT going to EP like I did for Button... Having experienced the nursing relationship with Ms. Mack, I can look back and say I missed out on the bonding with him because I was instead hooked to a machine 8-9 times a day, and (mostly) someone else fed him a bottle of my milk...
 Anyways - back to the PTSD and how it affected me this go'round:
Little Ms. Mack's intake was first tracked on apps and on paper: which side she started on, how many minutes for each side, and if a nursing session all of a sudden was minutes less, PANIC ENSUED!
Was she getting enough?!  

The doctor check-ins (and stalled weight gain) added to the tracking.  Now I was also logging pump sessions (at first, once every morning: how long after she nursed, for how long did I pump, how many ounces did I get...) as well as logging a supplemental bottle Ms. Mack got (when she got it, how many ounces she took).

And then I met with an IBCLC and did a weighed feeding, and for 5 days following that appointment, I logged and tracked even more: nursing sessions (which side first, how many minutes) and pump sessions (after every nursing session - how many minutes, how many ounces per side) and supplemental bottles...

On top of all this logging, I was also tracking her weight gain via weekly visits with the scale at our local BF support group... (She only gained 6oz from last week! She gained 7 the week before, SHOULD I WORRY?!)

It was probably around this point that friend made her PTSD observation... (It didn't help that I frequently vocalized my freak-outs to her: "I weighed her this week in just a onesie, and she only gained 4 oz - but last week I weighed her in TWO onesies, so do you think she actually gained more than just 4 oz?!"  (*probably close to an actual question I posed...)

but gradually, the neuroses dropped away... I stopped logging every nursing session and its length in an app... (I then relapsed and was writing on a whiteboard each day just when she ate, and when she had wet diapers - needed to be at least 8 feeds and 5-6 wet diapers!)

And then I wiped clean the white board and even stopped logging those (it probably helped that she kept up a 7oz/week weight gain for about a month...)

Now?  I don't even count at the end of each day the number of times she nursed, nor do I count how many wet diapers she had (a lot!) In fact on our days off I probably couldn't even always tell you the time at which she last ate...

PTSD has faded - if she's hungry? I'll feed her... simple as that... (and the pump sessions at work? I try to barely even look at how much I pump... if it's not enough, that's what the freezer stash (70 ounces!) is for!! and when that's gone? formula!)
t'aint the end of the world!!



And so - the second acronym, EBF:

She has started eating oatmeal cereal (and recently peaches!) and just loves it!  no longer formally "EBF!"  (and also - daycare uses formula to make the cereal - I ain't about to have them make too much cereal and then have to toss that 'ish because she didn't eat it all!)

She has no clear pattern for eating day-to-day at daycare (Tuesday she finished all three bottles (3.5oz) between 11:30a and 4pm! and yesterday, she only finished one entire bottle...) but she gets cereal in the morning there, and cereal at dinner with us and she loves it! She also gets peaches at dinner, and while she makes the sour face from time to time (so freaking cute) she noms 'em all up!

Avocado or banana coming up next!





And last (but not least... especially for the lack of it...) is STTN...

Ms. Mack gave me a few stints here and there of stretches like 10p-4a or 11p-6a, and in just enough consecutive days that I was all, SQUEEEE we're on our way!

Yea.



Not... she laughed at me as we got back to frequent wakings (like, at least 3 times a night -frequent... two nights ago was around 12:45am, 2:15am, 4am and 6amish (or something like that...))

My theory was that she wasn't really needing to eat at those times (especially because she'd drink for a minute or so and start to fall back asleep... UH HUH) so last night, after waking to eat at 12:30a (she'd last eaten around 8pm) she woke/stirred again around 2a and I thought, NOPE... I gave her the pacifier, sssh'd a little bit (and held the cradle still*) and she totally fell back asleep until waking to eat at 3:45a! And then, she again started to wake/stir around 5am and again, I thought, NOPE! and brought her into bed with me (I know, I know...) and she conked immediately back out until 7:45.

*Now the adjusted theory is that she's waking herself up as she drifts from one REM cycle to another because she's in a cradle that rocks and moves when she even slightly shifts... (there's a pin in it to keep it from rocking, but it's just not as immobile as a crib)

SO - Tonight we'll be sleeping in the big-girl crib in the big-girl room (with Button) and see how it goes... Hopefully I can stick to it and not give in, out of fatigue at 2am on the 10th trip into the nursery, and bring her back to bed... lol

Beauty sleep is important tonight because tomorrow afternoon we're finally doing a formal family photo shoot! (mini session, anyways - 20 minute shoot and 5 images for just $50! Even the photographer in me can be down with that! Now to pick out all the matching clothes!! lol)