PTSD, EBF and STTN...

Is that enough acronyms for you?!

Let's start with the first one: PTSD.

I had a friend half-joke recently that she thought I had PTSD from Button's rocky weight gain... and I had to agree...

(Most likely) Because of my experience with Button, I was/am a little sensitive to making sure Baby girl was/is on a good growth curve.  At the same time, I was damn determined to make BFing successful, and I made the decision that I was NOT going to EP like I did for Button... Having experienced the nursing relationship with Ms. Mack, I can look back and say I missed out on the bonding with him because I was instead hooked to a machine 8-9 times a day, and (mostly) someone else fed him a bottle of my milk...
 Anyways - back to the PTSD and how it affected me this go'round:
Little Ms. Mack's intake was first tracked on apps and on paper: which side she started on, how many minutes for each side, and if a nursing session all of a sudden was minutes less, PANIC ENSUED!
Was she getting enough?!  

The doctor check-ins (and stalled weight gain) added to the tracking.  Now I was also logging pump sessions (at first, once every morning: how long after she nursed, for how long did I pump, how many ounces did I get...) as well as logging a supplemental bottle Ms. Mack got (when she got it, how many ounces she took).

And then I met with an IBCLC and did a weighed feeding, and for 5 days following that appointment, I logged and tracked even more: nursing sessions (which side first, how many minutes) and pump sessions (after every nursing session - how many minutes, how many ounces per side) and supplemental bottles...

On top of all this logging, I was also tracking her weight gain via weekly visits with the scale at our local BF support group... (She only gained 6oz from last week! She gained 7 the week before, SHOULD I WORRY?!)

It was probably around this point that friend made her PTSD observation... (It didn't help that I frequently vocalized my freak-outs to her: "I weighed her this week in just a onesie, and she only gained 4 oz - but last week I weighed her in TWO onesies, so do you think she actually gained more than just 4 oz?!"  (*probably close to an actual question I posed...)

but gradually, the neuroses dropped away... I stopped logging every nursing session and its length in an app... (I then relapsed and was writing on a whiteboard each day just when she ate, and when she had wet diapers - needed to be at least 8 feeds and 5-6 wet diapers!)

And then I wiped clean the white board and even stopped logging those (it probably helped that she kept up a 7oz/week weight gain for about a month...)

Now?  I don't even count at the end of each day the number of times she nursed, nor do I count how many wet diapers she had (a lot!) In fact on our days off I probably couldn't even always tell you the time at which she last ate...

PTSD has faded - if she's hungry? I'll feed her... simple as that... (and the pump sessions at work? I try to barely even look at how much I pump... if it's not enough, that's what the freezer stash (70 ounces!) is for!! and when that's gone? formula!)
t'aint the end of the world!!



And so - the second acronym, EBF:

She has started eating oatmeal cereal (and recently peaches!) and just loves it!  no longer formally "EBF!"  (and also - daycare uses formula to make the cereal - I ain't about to have them make too much cereal and then have to toss that 'ish because she didn't eat it all!)

She has no clear pattern for eating day-to-day at daycare (Tuesday she finished all three bottles (3.5oz) between 11:30a and 4pm! and yesterday, she only finished one entire bottle...) but she gets cereal in the morning there, and cereal at dinner with us and she loves it! She also gets peaches at dinner, and while she makes the sour face from time to time (so freaking cute) she noms 'em all up!

Avocado or banana coming up next!





And last (but not least... especially for the lack of it...) is STTN...

Ms. Mack gave me a few stints here and there of stretches like 10p-4a or 11p-6a, and in just enough consecutive days that I was all, SQUEEEE we're on our way!

Yea.



Not... she laughed at me as we got back to frequent wakings (like, at least 3 times a night -frequent... two nights ago was around 12:45am, 2:15am, 4am and 6amish (or something like that...))

My theory was that she wasn't really needing to eat at those times (especially because she'd drink for a minute or so and start to fall back asleep... UH HUH) so last night, after waking to eat at 12:30a (she'd last eaten around 8pm) she woke/stirred again around 2a and I thought, NOPE... I gave her the pacifier, sssh'd a little bit (and held the cradle still*) and she totally fell back asleep until waking to eat at 3:45a! And then, she again started to wake/stir around 5am and again, I thought, NOPE! and brought her into bed with me (I know, I know...) and she conked immediately back out until 7:45.

*Now the adjusted theory is that she's waking herself up as she drifts from one REM cycle to another because she's in a cradle that rocks and moves when she even slightly shifts... (there's a pin in it to keep it from rocking, but it's just not as immobile as a crib)

SO - Tonight we'll be sleeping in the big-girl crib in the big-girl room (with Button) and see how it goes... Hopefully I can stick to it and not give in, out of fatigue at 2am on the 10th trip into the nursery, and bring her back to bed... lol

Beauty sleep is important tonight because tomorrow afternoon we're finally doing a formal family photo shoot! (mini session, anyways - 20 minute shoot and 5 images for just $50! Even the photographer in me can be down with that! Now to pick out all the matching clothes!! lol)

it's baaaaaack - and we're Making!

a Making Things Monday catch up =)

because, you know - I had all this free time on my maternity leave to make stuff. (HA.... HAHAHA!)

(and of course- let's not forget my biggest MakingThingsMonday - Monday December 21st, I made this!

but really - I got some cute things made in the 5-minute snippets I had free (lol)

things like a pacifier leash (for pacifiers that Ms Mack won't take... she only takes a wub-a-nub at this point, whenever she does take a pacifier...)

and this dress (pinterest inspired!)

(that Ms. Mack wore to our Thursday BF Group's Easter "Party")

And then I finally made Ms. Mack's shadow box (much like Button's, on the left!)

On my weekly trips to Michaels (oiy vey - it's probably a good thing I came back to work! lol) I got these sweets and painted them to girl up the nursery (which she's not even sleeping in yet with Button. LOL)

So that's what I've been up to the past few months...  (I've got some crochet projects I'd like to work on - like wrist-warmers for E's teenage adopted sisters, maybe if I start now they'll be done by the time cold weather rolls around again! lol

sleep training... (and 4 MONTHS?!)

yea no, I'm not talking about sleep training my 4 month old (who slept from 11pm to 6am last night!!)

No, I am in need of sleep training!! Because even when SHE was sleeping, I couldn't sleep through the night and was up at 3am! (Wonder why - 4 straight months of waking... lol)

I'm hoping last night's great stretch wasn't just a fluke/reaction to her shots that she got yesterday morning... She definitely fussed at daycare afterwards - 2 hour nap and some tylenol, she was feeling better and up to eating...

And speaking of - yup, we had her FOUR MONTH CHECK UP yesterday...

I'm almost sitting, Mom!

Ms. Madeline Mack:

Eating: 100% boob juice!  She gets 3.5oz bottles (three each day) sent to daycare - sometimes she will eat 1.5 bottles, sometimes she'll suck down all three by 2pm... (that's more a rarity)
otherwise (Wednesdays and weekends) she nurses on demand! (averages every 3 hours during the day...)


 we like to take morning selfies... lol
(and yes, after her 5/6am nursing session, she still comes into bed with me -
I need that last hr of sleep too bad to risk her fussing and being awake in her cradle...)

Sleep: her morning nap is still decent (yesterday after getting to daycare, she slept 2 solid hours post-shots!) afternoon ones, she likes to catnap about 30-45 minutes... nighttime sleeping is - eh... she most regularly averages a first stretch of 3-4 hours, and then is up about every 2, maybe 3 hours... oiy vey... (last night she fell asleep on daddy around 8:15, woke at 10:30 to eat, and then slept til 6!!!)

Weight: officially - 12lb6oz (butt naked! lol) and at first, that number disconcerted me, but then - she jumped up to the 25th-ish percentile! from the 10th! GO BABY GIRL! (I got a "good job" from the doctors! wooooot!)

Length: 24.5" - 50th percentile

Wearing: she can maybe fit in her 3M onesies if we stretch the snaps... otherwise, this long girl is in 6M (especially feetie-sleepers!) and size 1-2 diapers (just using up the last of size 1 huggies in the house, alternating with a pack of 2's that we have - both fit/hold it all in...)

Hates: waking up. lol first thing in the morning (her 8am ish wakeup) she fusses and cranks for about 5 minutes, and then is as happy as a clam...

Loves: when you shake your head side-to-side and make CRAZY noises. (lol)

Milestones:More laughs (best sound EVAR) and rolled over (from tummy to back) in her crib Thursday morning! (we need to do more tummy time, I know, so hopefully we can get some more of that rolling soon!)  Also got cereal (Oatmeal+Banana) last night for the first time!!! While the concept of eating off the spoon is (obviously) very new and foreign, she liked the taste and by the end was opening her mouth wide!

Hanging at the park on Wednesday in the beautiful weather...


and thank goodness it was nice, cuz Little Miss Mack decided to blow out her diaper (which was impressive - I got her out to change her mere SECONDS after I heard it...)


Since we were on a walking path, I'd only carried some wipes and diapers and left the spare clothes in the car


And so, we rode toga-style the rest of the walk!

















FOUR @ FOUR
1. It might take me longer in the morning to decide what YOU'RE going to wear, than to pick out my clothes for work... "what color bow with this?" or "are there matching leg warmers clean?!".

2. You wore a romper for the first time last weekend, and it was the cutest thing ever - I cannot wait for really warm weather to come and stay, so much fashion!

3. I said I would NEVER co-sleep (how dangerous! You'll never get them in their own bed/room!) And now, I have a hard time imaging you sleeping on your own in the crib in the nursery! (Of course, not until you sleep through the night more consistently either!)

4. You are the happiest baby - we stopped by the lactation consultant's office to return the Medela Symphony pump (PISA now at work!) and to weigh you, and you just held her finger, and watched her as she and your momma chatted... she even asked, "Is she always this good?"
Yup!



Big Brother!
We took a walk earlier this week in the gorgeous weather (as Daddy had a dentist appt after work)

Button loved it, as did Ms. Mack!

We also went and visited E's old fire house! (Last time Button was there was... well, take a look!)

we've got a busy weekend coming up (tomorrow I have a dentist appt at 10am, we have a kid's birthday party at 11:15, and then I have a long-awaited-for massage at 2pm... AND THEN - we head into NYC to meet up with my brother-in-law who is out from SoCal for a Navy class this weekend - we'll be bringing the kids, so we're going to have a LOOOONG day... (I think the kids will be fine, it'll be Mom and Dad that'll be worn down! We can hopefully spent Sunday recuperating!))

One time...

(Spring Cleaning Post)

... I spent two hours at Walmart.  I was only returning two pairs of shoes for Button (we needed a bigger size!!) but I was blissfully ALONE in the store... (ha - this mental note was made BEFORE having two kids, when Button was just a year old! LOL)

I spent those two hours just wandering the aisle, appreciating the quiet and empty cart, not worrying about what little hands can reach and pull off the shelves...

(I might as well have been frolicking through this field...)

~ * ~ * ~ * ~      ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

With each holiday that passes, and with it cute little glitter clothes pins and colored paper straws and personalized metal buckets/cups/bags, I am more and more afraid I'm becoming That Mom...

The mom that other moms roll their eyes at, when she arrives the day of the Valentine's Party with homemade heart-shaped personalized cookies for all the kids (and teachers!) or rolls up the day before Christmas break with  handmade mini-thumbprint ornaments for all the teachers... 

But I love to make!

 I love to craft! 

 (do we all remember how crazy I went for Button's first birthday party?!)

also - HELLOOOO Making Things Monday (aka series that I totally dropped the ball on...)

While I might have totally lost the free-time to shower now with two kids, I hope to always be That Mom that comes up with cute things like pink Rice Krispie treats (made with pink marshmallows! Also - that was my lazy holiday... with a newborn at home, it was thrown together last minute!) and personalized Christmas gifts that show the teachers/directors how much they mean to us!

Because I love to be throwing this shit together at 11pm the night before, and then watch the teachers squeal with delight over their salt-dough thumb-print ornaments... 

STILL cringing...

(SpringCleaningPost)

this story was from June of 2014, and I am STILL cringing as I write it...
(hence why it was post-worthy...)

So it was the day of my best friend Dee's baby shower... had my hair all blow-dried and curled, feeling fierce in a new racer back dress and strappy heels.  I had also helped plan the baby shower, and had been asked to photograph it - so I was piling game props and prizes into bags as well as double checking my camera bag for batteries (for my external flash) and back-up memory cards...

Our "tradition" for all these showers was usually: our friends The Potato Heads (Mr PH met E in college, and we welcomed his wife into our friend circle when they started date a few years ago - they've been married for maybe 2 years...) would come over first (they live far away).  Also E's friend and his girlfriend would come over to our house as well, and then the girls would carpool to the shower while the guys drank beer/ordered chinese food/grilled out/watched a hockey game.

So The Potato Heads arrive, and if you'll remember, are in the midst (at the time) of trying to baby-make. (It was actually the beginning of a journey that has been fraught with road blocks, and drinking, and -well - that's a whole 'nother story...))

MrsPH had also had some gastro-intestinal issues over the recent year or so, causing her to put on some weight (most noticeably in the belly!)

SO - we're standing chatting, MrPH askes me something like, "When's Button's birthday again?"
I answered, July.

And he looked at his wife, all goofy-grinning and is like, "isn't that close to your..."

And in my head - I'm all I know you guys are intentionally having unprotected sex!! and so I assume that he's starting to reference a DUE DATE... 
(you know what happens when you ASSUME...I certainly made an ass of myself... you'll see...))

And because I'm the last person to bug or pester people that are in that sensitive trying time (hello!!) I tried to make like, QUADRUPLE SURE, looking at MrPH (who is still GRINNING all excitedly) and asking, "wait - what? REALLY? like, REALLY?!" I basically all but said, "YOU'RE PREGNANT?!"  ((and he's nodding and smiling and grinning like an idiot...))


So then...

you guys, I got all excited and rubbed her belly...

two years later, and I'm still mortified that I did that... because, well - she WASN'T pregnant, and MrPH was like, "oh! oooh nooo, no sorry for the confusion..."

(And I'm all, no I'm sorry!! and tried to quickly change the subject to something non-baby related, which was a little hard as we were going to Dee's BABY SHOWER.)




Like I said - I know better, I know not to pester the couple who has been married (for any amount of time, but especially in the beginning!) or pepper them with The Questions ("any kids yet?" or "hey when are you guys going to start having some babies?!")

And I like to think I'm sensitive enough to not assume things and realize that people could be having a hard time of things, etc.



But... I still RUBBED HER BELLY...

E (and my other friends - and everyone else that has heard the story since) was aghast at my horrible faux pas...

but I don't think anyone still thinks about it like I do - almost every time I see them....

OIY.

Spring Cleaning... (blogger style!)

I have SIXTEEN "draft" posts sitting in blogger...

The oldest being from June of 2014... almost two years ago!

So it's time to do some clean-up... I'm probably going to condense a few posts because they're just notes that I jotted while out and about of something I wanted to blog about... Some are entire posts to themselves about something that happened, so they may seem really funky being talked about so long after something happened, but there's the reason why -

it's Spring Cleaning Time!!!


Does anyone else keep so many drafts like this??

Must be Candid Camera... (SERIOUSLY)

((UPDATED AT BOTTOM))
I just can't even believe how hard it is (how far in the future we have to go) to book Ms. Mack's baptism... I feel like it's comical:

let's just start next week (which isn't even feasible, to have to book a restauraunt, etc - although, by the end of this you'll see - I may just go for it!!!)

Apr 24th : (next week...)

May 1 : Church unavailable
May 8 : Church unavailable
May 15 : Church unavailable
May 22 : (we will be in TX)
May 29 : Memorial Day Weekend (just - no.)

June 5 : (first of month communion - church says no baptisms)
June 12 : I'm going to a bridal shower
June 19 : (got excited and ready to book this day - NOPE it's Father's Day!)
June 26 : can't book because SIL is getting breast surgery on the 23rd and will be recovering (she is Godmother, so I guess that's legit. lol)

July 3 - again, just no - it's 4th of July weekend!!!
July 10th - probably when we're going to book... JULY 10TH (almost 3 months from now...)

you see - next Sunday is starting to look more appealing. lmao but no - I just realized, there's so many people that need to be invited -and my bestfriend Dee is going to be in Atlantic City for a wedding....

It's like all the stars are NOT lining up... if the church is free, we're not - if we're free, the church is not - or it's a holiday weekend... (our friends got married on July 4th, then had their son's baptism on Memorial Day weekend two years later.... so annoying...)

oh and Saturdays aren't available - we're Methodists - we baptize during the Sunday morning services...

at least I'll have tons of time to get favors ordered and details lined up for the luncheon.

LOL



((UPDATE))
I can't even make this shit up...
July 10th no, because E's aunt is "on vacation" (they usually go down the shore. FUCKING LEAVE ONE DAY LATER, or come home one day earlier! SERIOUSLY?!)
and I get asked, "do you have to go to Texas that weekend??"

July 17th is Button's 3rd birthday, we'll be having cake for family at the house that day...

July 24th - available
July 31st - available
Aug (ALL OF IT) supposedly NOT available because "vacations" / "I have a wedding" / whatever f*&cking reason they give...

and my MIL texting repeatedly, "Saturdays" (and I've said - they don't do Saturdays!) or "June or Sept"

really?!



REALLY?!?!


(my administrator had a great suggestion - do church (family only) one day, and then party on another day - and we're not limited by Sundays!)

zzzz...

tired...

it's Friday, my first full week "back" (except I negotiated Wednesdays off for the undetermined near-future (a few months!)

Good thing for that day of rest in the middle of the week, especially when Ms. Mack likes to go through a wonder week (leap 4) and a growth spurt, making for an early 4-month-sleep regression (four nights in a row of waking/eating around midnight, 3am, 5am, and then snoozing at 8am when we're supposed to be getting ready to go!)


Last night seemed even more frequent, especially after trying to go to bed early and she held out for over an hour, only falling asleep while nursing side-lying...

Anyways - glad it's Friday, heading out in 5 to go pick her up from daycare (YAY for no weekend pumping!)











And this weekend - whew:

baby-wearing ballet tomorrow morning
E is taking off to a Rangers NHL game, so at some point I'll pick up Button from MIL's house...

Sunday will be church (need to get Ms. Mack's baptism planned!) and then E wants to go play ice hockey during Button's nap, and then we're going for an afternoon playdate at Dee's house with her almost-two-year-old son...

Just... Want... Sleep...

Happy Friday!!