Think-out-loud Thursday

(I'm soooo stealing this from some great boards I'm on, after I posted and felt a little weight lift...)
so now, I've decided to dedicate an entire blog entry to try and lighten the load a bit!

Things I think but would never say out loud:


1.  This is the initial post that inspired this entry...
 To be honest this needs some back story so bear with - my BFF had a chemical pregnancy about 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant.  I did my best to be there: brought hot pink nail polish and came over and gave her a rockin' mani, brought chicken noodle soup, etc.  (obviously, I also let her talk about it, or whatever she wanted to, and listened and hugged her and said "I'm sorry"  -before you think I'm a heartless b*tch that only cares about cuticles...

What I DIDN'T do? pull the crap lines like "it was god's intention." 

*That line actually came flying at me out of her CRAPTASTIC mouth when she was trying to "do HER best" after my miscarraige. 

*Another fantastic zinger from the understanding BFF, who's now pregnant and due 3 weeks later than I was?

"At least you won't be fat and hot this summer!"

*How about when I said I was upset that we had to wait a few cycles after the D&C and she thought I'd really want to hear "Well, April/May is a nice time to have a baby!"

GENIUS, really... I may have gotten a high school diploma and (nearly, as in 3 credits short) gotten a bachelor's degree, but WHY didn't I think of that?!?  stupid stupid stupid me...

SO - what I thought but for some reason didn't say out loud (and kinda really wish I'd had the balls at the time):

"Of COURSE I'd rather not be pregnant and fat this summer,

and of COURSE next spring is a MUCH better time to have a baby than

THIS NOVEMBER, when I was originally due, you obnoxious TWATWAFFLE."

What my whimpy ass finally said instead, over 1 week later when she finally emailed me to ask if I was avoiding her because she was pregnant:

"What you said (gave examples) really hurt, so I'm taking a time out from our friendship, still love youuuuu!" (or something along those lines...)

Ok  - let's lighten the mood now that the load's been lightened!

2. to the stinky-ASS housekeeper - "No, I think it's perfectly fine that you walk to work in the dead-heat of summer, and don't believe in deodorant and then proceed to STINK my office up with your RANK old woman un-checked BO twice a day."

3. to RUDE customer lady at Dunkin - "Absolutely jump ahead of me in line - that's what I intended for you to do when, with 5 people behind me, I stepped two feet to the left to get a strawberry milk out of the cooler.  I decided you're something speshul - go ahead and CUT YOU TROLL!"

4. "Hunny, there's nothing more I want to do than to make sure you have enough clean underwear and socks.  And of COURSE I don't mind doing that on top of all the dishes from the mess you made, making dinner, and scrubbing the toilets!" ***HEAAAAAVY SIDE EYE***

5. Not all people have attractive children.  In fact, some of them tend to look like Gollum...
As much as you love them, your kids have buggy eyes and the million pictures you post FREAK ME OUT! (kinda like the movie a Bug's Life freaks me out... no joke...)

6. to stupid, timid coworker - "I really appreciate that you just let me walk around all day with a giant whole in the crotch of my pants.  Extra breeze ended up being awesome- I was hot anyways.  Thanks."