A long-due "Dear Baby Girl"

How did this happen - here we are, a little over a week from seeing you at our HALF-WAY mark through this pregnancy - and I haven't written a single letter "to you" yet!


My baby girl!
(Ack! I've still yet to get used to the word daughter! I heard your daddy say it the other day at your big brother's birthday party - he was discussing the ultrasound during which we found out who you were, and how the techs like to point their little arrows/finger-hands right at The Goods, and Daddy wanted to say, "hey enough poking around there! That's my daughter!!" It was so adorable!!)

Mommy's been feeling your little pops and thumps for a few weeks now, but big news on campus - Daddy just got his first big feel from the outside!
He thought he first felt you two nights ago, a teeny tiny whispered "thump" against his fingertips - but really officially it was last night (18w4d) that you first gave him some good poppin' kicks, right into his hand!

I've been working on your first big thing/deal - a sweater hand-crocheted by Mommy! I can't wait for you to wear it this winter!!!

And we are so excited for pinks and purples - what a change after blues and greens for two years! While Mommy got a little nervous at the can't-resist-adorable-cardigans and leggings and headbands (oh my!) and more importantly, the damage our wallets would take, we had a friend's brother step in with loads of hand-me-downs from his two daughters!

But - don't think I'm already envisioning how cute you'll be in your big brother's hand-me-down overalls (which are, admittedly, a bit green after the tie-dye incident in Colorado this summer!)
I'll apologize now for the "boyish" hand-me downs - your mommy grew up in her big brother's Jordache jeans and Bugle Boy t-shirts, and am still as girly as ever now-a-days! - but we'll try to stick to the real gender neutral ;)

Your daddy and I have a fantastic backyard almost finished for you and your brother, we can't wait to see you both playing in the sprinkler next summer!!!!

We love you, baby girl (we're just fighting it out right now over what your name will be!) and can't wait to see you again in 10 days!!!

Mantras

So I recently came across these PGAL Mantras and I need them a lot right now (and probably for the new few weeks!!)

Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.

I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise.

My past does not dictate my future. A previous m/c does not mean I will have another m/c.

Just because something sad is happening to another poster, does not mean it will happen to you. We all know m/c and complications are not contagious!

Hope does not make bad things happen" You cannot jinx your pregnancy by creating a ticker, getting excited, or telling someone. Live in the positive!

(actually, I AM TOTALLY MAKING THAT A HOMEPAGE TAB!)

With that said, I am so so so so grateful for the positivity from E right now...

Let me back  up first and tell you how the "cute tell" I had somewhat planned fell apart...

E had a dentist appointment yesterday at 5pm, so I headed to MIL's house to pick up Button.  Got there around 5:30, she tells me he ate dinner (THREE bowls of pasta!) and invites me to sit and eat. 
I think, CRAP - there goes getting home before E so I can pee on those digi's I just bought today!

But I sit down, eat some pasta, and watch E's adopted sisters play with Button in the backyard.  Around 6pm, we finally get in the car to head home - and I see a text from E that he is still in the chair waiting for the dentist to finish some "bullshit conversation in the hallway."

SWEET! I'll still get home before him! like, way before him! Now let's see.... what can I do to tell him in a "cute way"...

I get home, and I have a million bags to get in the house, Button is insisting on carrying in a Mickey doll and a toy car from my car, and there's Zoey (our min-pin who comes to work with me every Thursday to visit the residents!)

In other words,  utter chaos trying to get in the house... And then a text from E that he's on his way home, ETA 30 minutes...

I run upstairs (carrying Button basically over my shoulder) to PIAC - dip a Wondfo and a digi, and set the timers (5min and 3min respectively...)

Watch the "Pregnant" pop up on the digi (SQUEEEEEE!) and check for a second line (decent shade, considering it's late evening) on the Wondfo.

Then I decide to haul Button back downstairs (two flights!) to his playroom, to try and crack open a new paint set so he can make Daddy a picture that I'll try to "hide" somewhere the writing "Big Brother!"  Panic ensues because I couldn't get the damn paint open (seriously?!) and nearly spilled the red all over the carpet once I did get it open... faintly write "BigBrother" in blue crayon on the BACK of the picture and set it on the highchair in the kitchen - envisioning E picking it up and flipping it over (for some reason) and seeing the words...

Then I take a picture of the digi test (what's plainer than that gray-scale word!) to send him via text about a minute after he walks in the door, in case he skips over the painting...

Got bases covered, right?


WRONG

He arrives, my heart starts pounding with excitement, and nothing happens the first few minutes.  I HEAR my text come through on his phone, but he's too occupied with saying hi to and playing with Button... (COME ON! Be a bad dad once and check your phone!!!)

I point out the "painting" - which he does look at the back, but assumed his sisters helped Button paint and, well - he (E) is their "Big Brother" - FACE PALM!!!

Then he FINALLY picks up his phone, only to glance at it (probably sees it's just a text from me) and then plugs it in without another glance.

 SERIOUSLY?!?!?

At this point I'm about to collapse with anxiety/nerves/excitement... I am trying to be nonchalant, wandering around the house, wiping the stove, putting a dish in the dishwasher, waiting for him to discover SOMETHING...

I finally decided to just go upstairs (get a full laundry basket of dirty clothes) and bring him the actual damn digi test... and said, "Since you didn't quite get the message on the picture, and won't check your phone, HERE!!!!" (but not in a really mean way. lol)


And - aw man, he was so excited =)

and tossed Button and shouted, "You're gonna be a big brother!!!! Do you want a baby?!" (to which Button replied, "Yea!" meltsmyheart)

All this to say - E is so excited, and so positive about it - and I need the positivity, because my mind still can't help but add on the caveat "If everything works out ok..."

And he tells me, he doesn't "want to do the secrecy thing this time, because it's the second one" and I am totally on board with that because, (I CANT HELP IT DAMMIT)
 "if shit hits the fan" - I want people - family, my bestie Dee, etc - to know what was, and what happened...

Of course, I still want to wait until after the first doctor appointment (more importantly the first u/s to see/hear a hb!) which I'm hoping I can schedule the week before Mother's Day and we can tell the Grandmas the great news on their day!



Big Breath:         Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.

And it's begun...

Dear Baby -

I did it this past weekend... I started working on your nursery (wow it feels weird even TYPING that...)

When your daddy and I moved into our house, we knew we would one day be using your room as a nursery - but until then, just crammed in moving boxes we had no clue what to do with...

Well I went through them all.  And started organizing shelves and clearing out corners...

And laid out the blanket that your grandma (my mommy!) made for us - it's waiting patiently for you...

I set up the nightlight/lamp that lit the night for my sister's little girls, your cousins...

And while there's a really good chance all this will be moved to different final locations (what with clearing the room out to paint, and setting up furniture we haven't picked out yet), the little corner in an otherwise empty room makes this so real...

And after I worked for hours clearing out your nursery, I decided you and I deserved a TV-rest for the night:

You and me...

13w4d

Officially yet??

So depending on where you read, or who you listen to, or what app you're using - I cross(ed?) into 2nd tri sometime between last Thursday (12w) and this Sunday (13w3d).

Holy Bajeesus - 2nd trimester.  While it feels like forever ago that I dropped to my knees sobbing in the bathroom at the 2nd pink line, I can't believe I'm here, with a tiny second heart thumping away steadily on the doppler...

I'm out (and proud! lol) at work, and just one idea/photograph/photoshopdesign away from posting on F.acebook (lord knows nothing's official until it's posted on F.Book!)


And yes, I'm doing the whole Baby Diaries thing (the thing I usually skip over when reading other blogs because I find it slightly repetitive this early in a pregnancy) but now it's me, and it's my 3" little peach (HOLY SHIT the amount of love you can fit into three inches...)

How Big is Baby:  She's a peach, a blessed three whole inches - and E and I still hold a "he/she" battle nightly during doppler sessions that go something like:
E - oh I can't get the hb long enough to register, he must be moving around like crazy!
K - oh, SHE is just playing hard to get =)

Weight Gain: While I feel like I've gained a few pounds already, what with the lovely post-lunch-building-into-post-dinner-blump, my scale at home has only recently registered a lb or so... And when I mention this to E, as just a mere observation, he at first interpreted it as "OH GOD I'm already gaining weight!" cue freak out, and he proceeded to lecture me on the fact that yes, it's ok to gain weight now (no kidding! I'm using that excuse to eat much more than I normally would!)

Gender: See above he/she battle... MIL is set on going by old wives' tales so I've thrown her for a loop with the Its-a-Girl fast fetal hr, and then the Its-A-Boy no m/s at all...
Symptoms: Not much anymore - boobs are still nice and plump (as plump as they can be at still a small Bcup - grow suckers!) and while I thought I was heading into a more energetic three months, I fell asleep at 7:30 last night...

Sleep: (see above 12+ hr nights' sleep...)
Maternity Clothes: I've started to wear maternity clothes as they arrive (ordering more every week or so lol)
I haven't worn any of my previous work slacks for at least a week, and am anxious to hit the stores to shop for pants (I can nearly never shop online for pants, what wearing a 36" inseam, DEPENDING on the cut...)

Food Cravings: Not anything crazy, except when a coworker makes popcorn in a communal kitchen, and my nose picks it up from 1 whole floor up...
Food Aversions: Mushy bananas - natch, all mushy fruit - makes me gag - more of the texture I guess... lol

Stretchmarks: not yet...

What I'm Looking Forward To: The A/S (which is yet to scheduled at the perinatal office...) which will be less than 7 weeks away... I've known I'm pregnant for 11 weeks... crazy to think that soon we'll know the answer and can solve the he/she battle!
What I Miss: nothing.

Next Drs Appointment: February 6th - I'm assuming just b/w and a doppler check (if anything)
Best Moment of the Week: Telling people at work, and receiving the random huge grins and the "CONGRATS!" while walking down the hallway...