Wednesday, January 22, 2014

The post that begins with Alanis Morrissette...

She IS the one that sang "Jealousy" right?!

So, jealousy...

My friend Dee (who I had asked for thoughts for a great NT scan - which she got!) she called me today at work probably two weeks ago, which is when I first started writing this post.... oops...

And she told me she JUST found out they're having a boy!

SQUEEEE!!! We're halfway to a hocky team!

and then the green monster comes back...

No, no - not THAT green monster!

They were the same feelings that plagued me before Ben came along...
And when I got off the phone with Danielle, it took me awhile to process and recognize it...
Underneath all the giddiness of her being pregnant and having a boy as well who will be just 1 year younger than Ben...

 I feel jealous. 

I ask myself, why the hell do I feel jealous?!

It's not that I'm jealous that she's pregnant and I'm not (though - oh I do miss my maternity clothes, they were so cute... and I still have dreams of feeling a baby kick and squirm... OMFG don't tell me I have baby fever already!!)

Ultimately, I think I'm jealous that she's just cruising through. I'm jealous that she gets to have no real worry (or experience) of an appointment filled with terror and fear that there will be no heartbeat, again.
(and I'm sure, because of what I went through and she witnessed, she was concerned at her first ultrasound; but I think there's nothing like the true fear that only comes from having experienced a heart-breaking appointment..)

And it's not just her - I think I'm jealous of anyone that didn't have to go through what I went through.

BUT - 

Being jealous of someone having a million dollars does not mean that I wish everyone was poor...
if that makes sense... (i.e. Just because I'm jealous that she is coasting along, does not mean that I wish she had to go through what I did... I would NEVER wish that on anyone, especially my Dee, for whom I worried and fretted as much as when I was pregnant and anticipating big doctor visits and dopplers...)

But anyways - the cool thing? She called me first to tell me her awesome news. =)
(Ok she obviouly called her husband FIRST first, but I was next!)
Which felt awesome. I can't wait to go shopping with her for our boys =)
And sit and drink wine while they play in the next room...
And worry when they fall silent and then respond with an innocent "nothing" that causes eyebrows to raise, when we ask what they're up to...

And speaking of busy boys - this guy is SIX MONTHS OLD!
  Trying on newborn hats for fun...

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We went to his first birthday party (for a friend's son who turned 6) - a Safari themed party, with all kinds of animals!

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He loves his doggies, and he LOVES to eat! 
People/family ask - what is his favorite food?
We answer:
"Anything in a bottle or on a spoon!"
EXCEPT for whatever this was (I think plain cereal):

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And my big boy - he's able to feed himself!
We're still working on the spoon (he ended up with sweet potatoes up his nose last attempt!)
But he's got the bottle mastered...

He has the softest, fuzziest wispy blond hair...
My little monkey!

And one of my absolute favorite things that he still does:
Check out those hands behind his head - this kid knows how to kick back in the crib!

Next Time on The Buggy List -  getting back to The List!!
I got the idea (and the motivation when I saw how easy it was!) from a fabulous (and beautifully pregnant!) blogger that I follow -  Slow Cooker Freezer Meals!

Stay tuned!


  1. I totally get what you're saying. Obviously, we don't want anyone to go through the heartache that we've been through, but it would be nice to have that innocence and naivete back. Even though we've both had a successful pregnancy, we'll never not be PgAL. That sucks.

    How is it possible that he keeps getting cuter?

    1. I like the way you put that, and couldn't be truer - we'll NEVER not be PGAL..