for now...

I've got a few posts half started in my brain (and half started on blogger) with every intention of writing them.


Next week...

(but probably not, because my parents are flying in Sunday night for a week long visit!)

Starting with Button's 3-year check up today (AGH!) then we've got a birthday BBQ/pool party tomorrow, a wedding on Sunday - and then my parents fly in that night...

for now, I'm heading out of work - thanks to some nice GI issues... but hey - I'm no longer "just one stomach bug away from my ideal weight!"  (and will look FABULOUS in my fancy dress at the wedding! ha....)

Holiday Dumpage...

Plus a little bit of brain-vomit...

A few weeks ago, I had to get new phone when my old one suddenly stopped taking charge... E had told me multiple times recently that he was just waiting for my nod to go phone shopping.  Well that day, i messaged him "Verizon store. meet me there straight after work, I'll get kids!"
I watched my battery percent go lower and lower (and didn't even think/worry about getting all my pictures off until I hit 2% in the Verizon store and it died!)
((thankfully, somehow E was able to charge it when we got home later that night... now I just have to offload the pics some day...))

But the good thing (silver lining?) is my new phone has an AWESOME new camera (1000x better than old one - hence the picture-vomit to follow)

So- our recent holiday weekend:
On Saturday morning I was steaming and blending more food for Ms. Mack, when I noticed the Disney movie going on out our back door/on our back porch:

How many animals can YOU count in this picture?
There's FOUR blue-jays and a finch ... at one point we had the four blue-jays, two finches, a squirrel AND a chipmunk. all at once.

After stealthily slipping out of the kitchen to call the boys from the basement to come see (didn't want to scare them off!) Button then wanted ME to come see - he can write* his name!




*E first writes the shadow of letters with his finger, then Button traces... 

but he IS able to free-hand a smiley-face!! =)









Then, because of the impending influx of estrogen and breastmilk (my BF Tribe came over for lunch with their littles!) E took off "to stroll some stores, like Home Depot. maybe Lowe's..."

That night we headed to friends' condo for dinner and Button's first firework show!!! (I considered him still too little last summer to stay up so late - agh summer sun doesn't set until like, 8:45 and firework shows start so late!)

(also - lovely hostess made yogurt/fruit icepops for the kids!)

(It also ended up working out well - Ms. Mack napped late on the way to friends' place so both kiddos were good to stay up a little late!)




Our Sunday morning looked like this:

I absolutely adore her halo of bedhair... <3 <3

While E took off to go fishing with Mr. Friend from the previous night, I made plans with Ms. Friend (their wedding is next weekend!!) to meet at diner for breakfast... We made it out unscathed (and tantrum-free!) and then came home and went for walk before it got too hot...
I squeezed Ms. Mack into her Best Little Sister onesie (it's 3M... we had to wear it one last time!) and we goofed off waiting for Daddy to come back from fishing...

They both went down for naps (YESSSSS!)

 (ok, so it's not like I got a lot done during HER nap... lol)

We killed some time until Button woke up:

And we then went to my in-laws to BBQ/hang out before they left for DTS


(they wanted to see the kids before they started their week vacation)

 

Boy did I love having that three-day weekend...
Fourth of July dawned BEAUTIFUL, and we spent the morning at a nearby reservoir (where, in fact, E went fishing the day before!)

Button got to fish with Daddy (they didn't catch anything but someone else's lure!)

 We spent the rest of the Fourth in our backyard, testing out the baby pool before Button's big Splash-Bash birthday party this Saturday! 

Yup - you saw that, right? Button's THIRD BIRTHDAY PARTY is this Saturday! Agh (better go order a cake, huh?)

We met new neighbors who moved in two weeks ago with a little boy who is 3.5 - perfect for a new friend! We've invited them to the party this weekend, hope they make it!

(oh yea - can't forget Ms Mack's driving lessons!)

Just F*cking Doing It

I know I know - boring lately, just posting other articles I've read. real original thoughts, right?

can I help it if what I'm thinking is so much more eloquently worded by someone else? ; )


especially when my language and self-expression, when inspired, gets filled with expletives every other word...

Like last night - which went like this:
    ~5:10    headed to daycare from work
  
    ~5:40    hit the grocery store with both kids - we needed fruits and veggies to blend for Ms. Mack's food

    ~6:15    get home, wrangle kids and groceries inside - leave the frozen stuff on the counter while I get the dogs out to go potty (all the while Button, who ripped his shoes and socks off first thing, is scrambling to get them back on because he "WANTS TO GO WITH [me] OUTSIDE!!!"   

    ~6:45    E rolls in from work as I'm defrosting shrimp and starting to cut up pears (for Ms. Mack's purees) and of course, he spends 20 minutes playing with the kids... isn't that nice? to walk in from work and play with your kids?

    ~7:15   we're sitting down to dinner, I'm feeding Ms. Mack (and in between her screams for more food, feeding myself) the pears are on pause...

    ~7:45   Ms. Mack is fussy (she last woke from a nap at daycare at 3pm...) I head upstairs with her to nurse and put her to bed... (hoping for a fuss-free bedtime, she should be tired enough!)

    ~8:10   Come downstairs, E is out on the front step with Button eating ice pops.  As I'm in the kitchen cutting up the third pear to boil, I hear him ask if I can take Button to bed tonight...      ....... I literally asked, "are you serious? or just saying that for his sake/to get him in line?" (Remember tantrums? because he wants daddy to take him to bed?)  No, he's serious...

    ~8:20  I put the pears on to boil, ask E to watch them, and take Button up to bed - teeth get brushed, we go potty one last time (been rocking undies to bed!) and read three ("just one more!") four books and sing songs (as I whisper-yell at Button to be quiet, for fear of waking up the baby in the same room...)

    ~8:40  back downstairs, continue working on the purees - while the pears boil, I peel and chop carrots.  While the carrots boil, I drain, blend and jar the pears... while I drained, blended and jarred the carrots, the green beans and spinach were boiling...

     ~10:20ish   finally closed the last jar of applesauce, got the kitchen cleaned up - oh wait, I need to make bottles for daycare tomorrow... (which entails defrosting a bag of milk since she drank all 3 bottles that day and I only pumped 2...)

     ~10:21ish    oh but wait - Ms. Mack ended up on her stomach and is fussing, so I need to go rock her back to sleep, after the "shushing" didn't work...

     ~10:50    Ms. Mack back to sleep, I finished bottles for daycare and got my pump bag packed. 


oh look it's time to go to bed...
and then E will occasionally have the nerve to complain that he never has time to do his stuff (like his side projects for which he makes money!!)


All that to segue to:
   I have friends that ask "how is it having two kids versus one?"
And I mostly answer, not that much different...

You've already gone through the wholly-life-changing "omfg-what-did-I-do" event of having your first baby... just mix in a few more sleepless nights, more caffeine, and more craziness and you've gone from one kid to two!

what about the people that are all, "man I don't know how you do it! Working full time and all the other magnificent things you do like laundry, and house work, and feeding the kids..."  (sorry - got carried away with what I'd like to be hearing... lol)

but really, how do I do it?

I just fucking do it - because as a mom, I have to!

queue link to another great article I recently read, nodding my head at almost every part, going "uh HUH! YUP - OMG SO TRUE!"

            The "Just Fucking Doing It" Club

because as moms, we just fucking do it...

"And you know what – it is fucking impressive but also – it is what it is.
We are the Just Fucking Doing It Club.
Nobody gets shit done like mothers do."


I'll be over here, getting shit done... 

answer anger with... LOVENESS

Being the mom of a threenager  a moody toddler an active and accident-prone but well-intentioned little boy (he throws his empty dishes into the sink blindly... love that he cleans up after himself, but I'm surprised he hasn't yet broken any glass that was in the sink! **He has broken a glass in the living room...) there have totally been times where I feel myself losing my cool at the 10th tantrum in three hours...

but I recently came across this article, which was really a share of this fabulous post by mommy Kathleen Fleming, author of the blog Majestic Unicorn (helluva blog name, right?!)

and this post - oh man, all the feels...

this here is how I want to be able to react... to tantrums because he wants Daddy, to accidentally shattered glasses, to thrown toys, to anything that really isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of life...

Broken Things

This was my hallway last Wednesday.  

Broken.  Sharp.  Treacherous.

This was my hallway.

It was my son who did this.

Sometimes, often really, things break - irreparably.  And it takes your breath away ... straight away.

It took my breath away when my son stormed into the bathroom, frustrated, angry, fed-up for his very own, very significant to him, reasons.  And when he chose to SLAM the bathroom door, causing the heavy mirror mounted to the front to slip out of the hardware holding it in place and crash onto the floor - a million, BROKEN pieces were left reflecting the afternoon light.

I was quiet.  I surveyed the damage and took a deep breath.  Put the dog outside so he wouldn't cut his feet, put the cat in the basement for the same reason.

I walked into the backyard and felt the hot tears streaming down my face.  It's amazing how alone you can feel as a single parent in moments like these.  I realized how scared and disappointed I felt.  Did this really just happen?  Yes.  This was real.

And as I stood and considered whether or not this was an indication of his developing character, I heard his tears through the window above me, coming from inside the bathroom.

His soul hurt.  This was not what he expected either.  Hello, Anger - I don't remember inviting you into my house.

Scary.

Terrified.

Ashamed.

Worried.

Scared.

Deep breath, #MamaWarrior.  Deep breath.  That small, fragile soul needs you right now.  He needs your very best.  Your biggest compassion.  Your most gentle and firm mama love and reassurance.  More deep breaths.  Go Mama.

Go.  Go now.  Go open the front door, tiptoe through the broken glass, hear him hearing you coming, watch the bathroom door crack open, see the face you love most in the world red with worry and wet with tears, his voice is suddenly so small: "Mama, I'll never do it again, I am SO sorry."  More tears.  More weeping.  Such uncertainty on his sweet face.

Go Mama.  Get him.  Go now.  Scoop him into your lap.  Yup, you're crying too.  Damn this was big.  Hold him tight.  Watch how he curls into a ball in your arms so quickly.  See how eager he is to be loved by you.  To be reassured by you.  See how small he still is.  See how fragile that spirit is.

I love you.

You are safe.

I am right here.

The worst part is over now.

I've got you.

I'm here.

 I love you.

Go Mama.  Tell him about Anger.  Tell him now.  Anger is a really powerful feeling.  You have a right to your Anger.  Anger burns hot.  It can purify.  It can also destroy.  He nods.  He feels it.  He's met Anger now.

There's a better way to show your big feelings.

We'll work on it together .... tomorrow.

I'm here to help you.

You are safe.

You are never alone in your anger.

 You are never alone in your fears.

I'm here.  We're here together.

Now we will clean together.

And we cleaned up the broken pieces.  We swept and we vacuumed.  It was quiet work.  It was careful work.  It was thoughtful work.

Sometimes things break.  Sometimes we break them.  It's not the breaking that matters, the how or why.  What matters is how we choose to respond to the broken-ness.  Does it kill us?  Does it throw us into a downward spiral of blame and punishment?

OR

Does it help us remember how to love deepest?  Does it push us towards compassion and over the hurdle of "rightness" and "wrongness" into LOVENESS?

Yes.  LOVENESS.

Go Mama.  Go now.  Get that baby of yours.  Teach that.  Show that.  Live that.  It's called LOVENESS.  Go.  Now.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~       ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

 

aaaand tears well up again as I copy, paste & skim....

LOVENESS