Reading & Writing (and 'rithmetic?!)

(I've been trying to focus writing time - even while at work LOL - onto The Next Great American Novel (or going forward, TNGAN - or even better/easier to remember and write - "TinCan!") 
ok start over - so I've been trying to focus my writing time on TinCan, so the blog may suffer a bit... but here's a post I started writing while in the throes of highlighting...)
(ALSO - reading update to immediately follow this)




somewhere, today someone's world -as they know it- is ending.

There is someone who has just received that phone call about their spouse's fatal car accident.

There is someone who is sitting at their parent's bedside, listening to them take their last breath.

There is someone who has just lost a child.

There is someone whose whole axis has just shifted - been totally knocked off kilter - from fresh tragedy.



And yet.

The world continues to turn.

And yet - "How can that guy be cutting his grass?? DOESN'T HE KNOW MOM IS IN HERE DYING?!"


"How can they blithely waltz into the office, smiling - DON'T THEY KNOW WE WERE JUST TOLD THE WORST NEWS EVER??"




I recently sat out on my back porch - beer, monitor (Mack was napping), book, highlighter and pen (this book.. needs notes and highlighted sections. you'll see...) and enjoyed the first warmish (55 degrees!) sunny day in a long time...

Another "first" in a while, I am reading a paperback.  I pointedly ordered this one from Amazon - proceeds from the purchase will go directly to charities dedicated to helping the mentally ill.

Why, this book of all books, did I order archaically in paperback? (And natch, pay for it! (I can download most books for free........ #sorryNotSorry) )


Because 33 years ago this year, my grandmother's world shifted terribly - her son, with a fresh baby and wife, died by suicide.

Because 20 years ago this year, my uncle's world - as he knew it - ended when his teenage daughter (my cousin) died by suicide. (On her LAST DAY of a second stay in a treatment facility...)

Because over 4 years ago, E's father received a call from her sister - her world had come tumbling down when her husband (E's uncle) died by suicide.


The woman who wrote A Mother's Reckoning lost her son - seventeen years old - to suicide.

The book I'm reading is also about another very difficult topic - school shootings.

A Mother's Reckoning is written by Sue Klebold, mother to Dylan Klebold - one of two shooters from the Columbine massacre in 1999.


I read a fabulous review/discussion of this book, here.


This story, written by a mother who discovers she didn't know who her child was, touches on just that - the fear that I know I have as a parent: that one day, they'll become someone you don't recognize.

As Button develops friends at daycare, and falls on the playground - as he wrestles on the lawn with the neighborhood boy who is only 6 months older but about 6 inches and what seems like 60 lbs - you realize they will become independent at some point, that they will develop into a separate entity.

I hope and pray we are doing right as their parents to create an open communication - for good stories, for bad times when they need help...






((that's all I wrote on that. still wrapping up reading the book, as I'm in the last chapter of "aftermath" years later - I spent a lot of Monday at work reading about the massacre, and the victims, and the police reports - and at the end of day fell down a rabbit hole that led me from - at the time- the deadliest school shooting in US history, to the wiki page on the Virginia Tech shooting, which with its occurrence, became the deadliest school shooting - and then farther down the hole to the Orlando nightclub tragedy.
After the recent scary false-alarm at our local mall, I just keep praying that the violence does not encroach on our lives - not the daycare, not our work places, not our neighborhood))

NOVEL NEWS UPDATE!

(speaking of news.. The President that no one expected to win executed the first military action of his campaign last night.  My assistant this morning asked me what I thought of it.

It took me about 2 full minutes to gather my thoughts before I spoke. 

I never really get into politics here, and only in the last very few years have I educated myself and read articles and news stories, and while I want to bury my head in the sand of my bubble/snowdome of first world problems (the coffee in the break room isn't hot enough for me in the morning, because the carafe was filled at 8am and by 9am it's still warm, but not as warm as I like and I can't microwave it in my mug because there's metal elements. total #FWP) I also feel the need be aware of what's going on in the world, as scary as it may be to consider what the future may hold for my children.

((I'll be honest - a small part of the reason I started following things more closely was to theoretically be able to get a head start on getting the hell out of dodge when the hypothetical shit may or may not hit the fan, whatever that hypothetical shit may be... I had a dream the other night that we WATCHED as a weird plane went down over the horizon - crashed in a sense, and warheads started launching from where it had crashed. Dream-Me was already mentally grabbing as many bottles of water, cans of soup, and precious mementos as possible - cramming in any bag at arm's reach - as we flung the kids into car seats and peeled out, heading west.))

ANYWAYS - no, the news I refer to in the title is an update on The Next Great American Novel that I started writing while sitting in Starbucks on Tuesday... 

 

The number of pages and chapters written so far (17 chapter-book pages, an intro and five chapters) doesn't very accurately represent the hours of work put in so far which include researching medical jargon, university settings/academia, and creating characters - from their date of birth to their favorite food to their inner weaknesses and strengths.

I have the entire plot laid out (partially in print, partially in my head) and each time I "read" through what the finished product will be in my head, I get giddy and dance around and then stay up way too late (i.e. past MIDNIGHT) writing/researching/typing & deleting and typing some more.

YOU GUYS - I am so f*cking excited about this.

(Especially excited that this may make me the next Stephenie Meyer and then I can quit my day job shortly after publication because MGM/Searchlight/21stCenturyFox will want to purchase the rights and I will get to help audition actors/actresses and hand-pick the faces that get to bring my people to life.)

((I might be getting ahead of myself...))

(((I'm especially proud that I actually did work today while on the clock, the first deviation all day being the writing of this blog post...)))

I'm also looking forward to a glass of Clos du Bois chardonnay, my favorite white wine... 47 more minutes til the whistle blows!

Happy Friday!!!

Reporting from your local Starbucks....

Listen - I'm usually a dunkin-kinda-gal... (medium french vanilla - skim milk - 2 sugars!) but I'll occasionally hit up Starbucks for a fun treat... (tall green tea latte... or skinny vanilla latte) and each time I visit the green mermaid, the college students (notepads, laptop & highlighters spread out) and the writers (coffee. laptop - usually on facebook or other writers-block-distraction) and the small business owners (calculators, quickbooks open...) catch my eye.


I feel like if I had the attention span, I could be an author. But I hated a certain writing class in highschool mostly because the teacher made us draft. and draft, and re-draft and DRAFT AGAIN.  And I like(d) to write off the cuff and edit along the way, and usually my "first draft" IS my final draft...

But today, I'm going to pretend and role-play....

See, I'm sitting at my neighborhood Starbucks - cafe breakfast sandwich half eaten, green tea latte empty, and a cup of yogurt (perfect art tableau for instagram, if I did that kind of stuff! lol) - waiting for my car to be done at the Kia service department (oil change - THOUSANDS of miles overdue - and some recall maintenance... something about anti-corrosive spray they want to put on the undercarriage... which E explained to Button this morning as, "Mommy's car is starting to fall apart, so they want to put this special spray on it." and then as I was later loading kids up in the car, Button said - "Mom. you better drive FAST to that place, your car is going to fall apart!!")



Anyways - I've also been fighting a cold the past two days - I would have called out sick yesterday had the biller/assistantt not already called out, and had I not already scheduled today off.  I left work about 1.5 hours early yesterday to get some true rest before picking kiddos up at 5:20.

Well - this morning I packed my laptop (ancient old thing from Inspiron that weighs like 20+ lbs...) and a bottle of water (I ain't paying for that sh*t at starbucks. free water > bougie water) and I've been working for the past hour from Starbucks (which conveniently will make up for yesterday afternoon).



and - well, maybe - now that I've finished with work for the day, maybe I will take a stab at writing! (HA - maybe 5 years from now I'll be the next STephenie Meyer and will be interviewing and be like, "It all started when my car needed service at the Kia dealership!")



But for now - a quick rant from Sunday that I penned while in bed (cathartic to get it out before I even put my feet down for the day! lol):


I believe that, thanks to evolution or some bullshit like that, that men are ingrained -they have it in their fucking CODING to think they get a free pass or pardon from child rearing for 95% of the time.
Because they're the hunter-gatherer or some shit.

Well maybe we need another round of evolution influenced mainly by the (relatively/in the last million years) new thing where mothers are working full time, where they are "hunter-gatherers" too.

I mean- maybe this deep instinctive feature is only in MY husband.
Because he seems to be evolved to a state where, because he's the male - and hunts/gathers a bit extra (his websites and side businesses which - lets be honest are his HOBBIES as well,and earn him $$ thousands $$ - as opposed to scrubbing dirty dishes and washing/ folding load after load of clothes which earn me only whatever money was found in pockets ($25.and it was my own money) ) he expects "his woman" to handle it all.


But then - and here's the real kicker!- he had the nerve, last Sunday after an unusual laid back weekend with us all home , to suggest that we take turns on Sundays- "maybe I'll take them for a few hours so you can 'get your stuff done or do your own thing' and then you take them for a few hours so I can 'do my thing'."

😑

Despite the fact that 'my own thing' would consist of fucking chores, and not sitting around reading and eating bon bons - and 'his own thing' would be his HOBBY which earns him mad money - this is all even MORE ironic because on average, every other weekend I've got both kids with me out shopping or at yoga and lunch - leaving E alone for HOURS.


The IRONY especially is that yesterday, I firstly let him asleep til TEN AM. And then had Button at Walmart from 11 til 2 (Mack slept from 1230-245!!) And then I took them both to a play date/mom date at my friend Dee's house-  and we didn't get back until 7:30!!!



How much fucking more of a break do you want???

And do I not deserve one at all? (Even if just to have a chance to wash YOUR dirty clothes and dishes you don't seem to pick up after yourself????)





/end rant








Off to start the next great American novel.
;)

One's Own Deodorant and Toothbrush...

So when I feel like I end up handling/managing all the kids' THINGS - like clean sheets for daycare on Monday, and getting laundry washed and put back in their drawers, and knowing that they need new/bigger undershirts or sleepers and then ordering them, hell, even knowing what SIZE SHOE they're wearing! (as well as everything else - general laundry, buying new dish detergent because I couldn't squeeze ANY MORE out of the last container, making sure there's a new tube of toothpaste in the closet, etc) - when I feel like I'm the one handling all that and E is clueless to it all?


I'm right.


This morning, Ms. Mack flounced around in her hot pink tights and cream/black plaid cotton dress (because - before this morning, the tags were still on it. and sometimes We Wear Pink Dresses on THURSDAYS!)

And she had to have her black ked sneakers (because - ballet flats would raise the fancy level too high, and her garanimals sneakers were too fluorescent and casual for the look. YES I probably put more thought into what my 15-month-old wears than what I wear to work...)

Except I couldn't find the black keds, so I ask E - "have you seen them around" because sometimes occasionally he'll say, "oh yea - they're by the magazine rack / TV stand / kitchen table / pile of laundry"

And this morning, he just said, "I don't know where any of that stuff is.... I know where my deodorant is, and where my toothbrush is - that's it..."







YUP. That about sums up the difference between Daddy and Mommy...

24 hours...

it all began on a quiet, slow Sunday morning...



(LOL)


Scene: the kitchen; table is strewn with breakfast leftovers (banana peels, cups of milk half drunk, twice-microwaved cups of coffee) 
E is planning daydreaming about the garden we'll plan - even though there's still 6" of snow outside...

E: So - what do you want planted? do you want Kale again?

K: YES, but maybe a few less plants
 (we drowned in kale last summer... I was sending bagfuls with E for his hipster coworkers daily!)

E: and you want those trough planters for herbs, right?

 * "trough planters for herbs"

to be installed on our back deck railings

K: (I've only told you this for the past 2 years since seeing them at your friend's house...) yes - for some basil, for sure! and maybe some mint! oh - and arugula!!

E: Be sure to only plant what you'll use/eat!

K: Ok yea - definitely basil.  and mint..... and arugula!


E and Button go to Home Depot and return home with two window-sill planters, a mini-green-house-thing to germinate in, seeds for the garden (carrots at Button's request, kale, strawberries, and blueberries...) and.... only Basil for my planters.

K: didn't they have mint or arugula?

E: oh they did - but I didn't know what else you wanted besides Basil...








Also.
I couldn't find my eye shadow brush this morning... after nearly upending my entire (once neatly organized) makeup drawer...
Button was clueless when I asked him if he'd taken it out to play with it.

I then realized what probably happened - we had a date night Friday, and I actually styled my hair - and of course, because we're ALWAYS RUNNING LATE, I left shit all over the bathroom counter - and E must have put my blow dryer and curling iron away...
(1. yes - I know, how awfully nice of him to do that right?
except 2. they weren't on his side of the counter (we have double sinks)
and 3. he wound the cords ALL WRONG and way too tight around the appliances!!!)

And 4. I'm pretty sure my eye shadow brush had been on the counter, and when E put my hair tools away, it got swept into the strange abyss that swallows single socks and hair elastics...
("No good deed goes unpunished."    AMIRIGHT?!)

So it's E's fault that I can't find my eye shadow brush, his fault that I had to spend 5+ minutes looking for it (getting hangrier by the minute, because I also don't usually eat a bite of breakfast until at work) and subsequently it's HIS fault that we're all running late now...


And then, it was pouring rain this morning.
And I couldn't find ANY of my umbrellas - I have 3 or 4 of the little fold-up pocket-sized gadgets, I feel like I find one in each diaper bag when I switch out for a bigger or smaller bag, and think -Oh man, I'm going to be that so-well-prepared mom whipping this thing out of my Bag'O'Tricks later!

Except now it's a Monday morning, and I am running late, and I cannot find one ANYWHERE!!!

So of course, I grab Button's teeny tiny Minion umbrella, thinking I'll ask permission (LOL) to take it to work with me after they get dropped off at daycare.

And it's on the drive to daycare, barely 3 minutes from the house - carefully driving with my big galoshes/rain boots - that I realize I've left my brown ballet flats (my work shoes) at home, sitting on the living floor.

#SelfieOrItDidntHappen

(In the time it took me to start this post, get distracted by work, meet with my boss, and then finally return to finish this post - I've also clogged the toilet here at work.)

#WINNING






Hope your Monday is going a bit better than mine....

all I blog about any more... Reading Challenge

Seriously.

I have nothing better to blog about than what I've been reading?


It's more like there's no time... I get to work just 2-3 (and sometimes 15...) minutes late, and then leave right at (or shortly after) five o'clock to make my way to my little guys at daycare. (The last week or so, right around 4:45 I get a big yearning to see them... and usually 5 minutes after we get home, I'm ready for a glass of wine. LOL)

Anyways... at least I can say I'm committed to this:

#12. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern       Cat: 33/40: book set in two different time periods       fin Mar 13th
So I easily could have applied probably any of the Outlander series to this category (I mean, I'm 5 books in and - if I remember correctly - each novel has at least snippets in the current modern day before jumping back 200 years!)
This was a really neat novel, about a challenge amongst two circus performers - unaware, at first, who each other is... And the circus is not your ordinary RedBlueYellow CottonCandy-CaramelApples circus...
(You can read this great article to check out the book - and the two different time periods - a bit more!)


#13. World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War by Max Brooks        Cat: 15/40: book with a subtitle         fin Mar. 15th
Of course, I came across a telling of this story first via the fabulous Brad Pitt and the movie that came out in 2013...
The movie was very loosely based on the book - i.e. besides the fact there's zombies, the two don't really have any similarities...
But the book was very neat - different "first hand accounts," done in a series of interviews, of "the war" and how it broke out and how they found safety, and how the country and world recovered.
Very neat in how it was written!


#14. Knocked Up by the Bad Boy by Vanessa Waltz            Cat: 31/40: main character is a different ethnicity than you          fin. Mar. 16th
This was - well, I expected it to be a quick/easy read, with a mid-range level of writing, and some good hot sex scenes...
It was 2 of those 3 - but it was surprisingly well-written! It was fun to read points of view both from a Latina female (daughter of Latina crime boss) and an "Italian stallion" - son of former Italian don, and current Mafia KingPin - they have a hot one-night stand, she gets knocked up, and - HAHA ok so maybe it wasn't that well-written, I do remember the ending as a little abrupt... oh well.
Fun read, and one that I'll keep on my nook for when a little inspiration/warm up is needed ;)


#15. Maggie Dove's Detective Agency by Susan Breen        Cat: 10/40: book with a cat on the cover       fin. Mar. 18th
So funny, this category - after finding a goodreads list of "books with cats on cover" (and finding only horrible 1970s-1980s sci-fi) I settled on queuing up a book called Beasts by John Crowley...

looks good, right?! lol So - a friend suggested that bookbub newsletter so I get daily book recommendations and deals and end up downloading 2-3 free books and am trying to cut down on the $0.99 and $1.99 books... all that to say, I came upon this one!

and the description seemed good, too! A woman in her mid 60's lost her daughter (a freak car-accident) and then her husband years later - she begins a detective agency in her hometown!
Overall, it was a fun read, and it so conveniently crossed this category off the list!


#16. Catch Me If You Can: The True Story of a Real Fake by Frank Abagnale & Stan Redding      Cat: 12/40: from a genre you don't normally read         fin. Mar. 20th
I don't normally (i.e. ever) read non-fiction, but this was written  like fiction - and I've seen the movie a bunch of times (so fun to watch!) so it was easy/great to bring the story to life in my mind, with good 'ole Leo!
But it was fun to read the true story and be able to see how Hollywood transformed the story into the movie for cinematic flair and theatrics - and there was a Q&A with Frank Abagnale about the movie and what he thought of it...


Currently Reading:
It's that chick, who wrote Twilight and The Host! (hope she keeps them coming, she's a good author!)
currently reading The Chemist by Stephenie Meyer...

OhEmGee it's an EyeYooDee!

Six Things I learned yesterday:



1. don't bother showing up 15 minutes early to a doctor's appointment - they'll STILL make you wait... what should have been a "quick 10-minute appointment" actually stretched more than 60 minutes from the time I walked in...

2.Apparently for an IUD placement (guided via ultrasound), they want your bladder SUPER FULL...  ("Here, drink another cup of water, just in case...")

3. When they offer you a chance to "empty a little off the top" - after the nurse has unmercifully pushed down directly onto your rapidly-filling bladder to get good measurements - TAKE THE CHANCE.

4. It hurts is pretty DAMN UNCOMFORTABLE when the doctor "measures your uterus" (literally. like, through your cervix. YUP)
yet - the pain can be somewhat overshadowed by the concentration required to clench muscles in every attempt to NOT PEE ON THE DOCTOR.

5. Nighttime potty-training sucks (like when your toddler gets up on his own to go pee MOTN, but then PANICS OH MY FREAKING GOD I CAN'T GET MY PANTS DOWN!!!!! )
yay for getting up on his own - BOOOOOO for us STILL having to get up...

6. Things Will Be Ok if you need a freak-out/melt-down (after schlepping kids from daycare to foodstore to home) because each recipe you attempt to begin for dinner (butternut squash soup, chili) either takes WAY TOO LONG (simmer for 1-2 hours?!?!?) or requires an ingredient you don't have (EVEN THOUGH YOU JUST GOT HOME FROM THE FOOD STORE...)
because then - somehow - husband happened to bring home pizza from work.



That (and 3 glasses of wine with pizza) Is All.