A Confession...

First off, I almost died Monday night...
well, more figuratively than literally (although it was damn close).

Gas cramps (those ones high up in your ribs? and you feel like a good burp or fart will fix them all?) started Monday at work right after lunch, and got so bad by 4pm I could barely sit up, so I went home (drove myself, was horrible...)
cramps continued, I consulted with Dr. Google (bowel obstruction! GONNA NEED SURGERY!) and my MIL (who's been an endoscopy nurse for years - poop is her business!) she guessed it was viral, and I would eventually vomit or have diarrhea. (YES! At that point, I would take anything if it meant the cramps would stop...)

Finally, while E was putting Button to sleep, I threw up.  AND HALLELUJAH the cramps had stopped... I was able to sit up and walk again, and so devoured dinner (albeit a slightly smaller than usual dinner). 

Went to bed around 11 as usual (even read a bit before!) and somehow woke up around 12:30 - can't remember if it was cramps or nausea that woke me, but I began vomiting again... after the first bout, I tried to lay back down in bed only to be overcome with nausea 20-30 minutes later...
Lather, Rinse & Repeat one more time, and I decided to camp out on the bathroom floor...

I knew I would need two plush robes eventually! One served as a pillow, the other a blanket... 2-3 more bouts of nearly dry-heaving (not much left in the tummy at this point...) and E came in with a damp wash cloth (heaven!) and to see if I was still alive (barely)...

I felt bad I was keeping him up (it was 3:30 at this point) so I had him help me get downstairs to the couch and prepare a bucket (popcorn bowl... now currently soaking with bleach and hot water).  That set up saw me dry heave and lamely line the bucket with gross bile...
(And Button woke up... so now E was dealing with a sick wife and a fussing toddler - who he ended up bringing to bed with him, and they proceeded to lay awake for about 45 minutes before Button finally passed out...)
I didn't get relief until about 5am, when I thankfully passed out...

That was the last of the vomiting, and miraculously - I had my appetite back by around 7:30 that morning when E brought me buttered toast and a banana (which I devoured...)

so - time for the confession...


Maybe it was the ravenous hunger I had (ok, toast and a banana filled me, but still) immediately following violent vomiting...

But something made me test that day, with horribly yellow/orange (hello! so dehydrated!) somewhat-first-morning-urine...

It was 9DPO, so don't ask - I have no idea what I was thinking

And in fact, it looked negative to me at the end of the 5 minutes (and why shouldn't it? AT NINE DPO!) 

So I set it aside, thinking I'd be a horrible cheat and look at it again in an hour... because that's what happens when you're crazy...


but guys.... a few hours later?


I got a "holy-shit-I'm-totally-seeing-things" second line...
a line that I had to twist and hold the pee stick to the sunlight and squint and could only see for a second before I didn't see it anymore... (which also makes me totally crazy, because that far outside the time limit SO DOESN'T COUNT!)

But..
Then I tested again this morning...
and saw a faint (but don't have to squint at all!) second line...
(and totally within the 5 minutes!!!!)



I haven't even told E yet...


ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod....


please be sticky...

Dpo

So yesterday (Sunday) - coffee tasted like utter crap...

the second I took the first sip, what usually is like a little bit of heaven - that first hot sip - was definitely not good.

Did I not put enough sugar? ooooooooor pregnant symptom?!
So then I added more sugar, and then it tasted like utter too-sweet crap...

And that stupid 7dpo BFN.
I tried to dig it out of the bathroom trash Saturday night night... but it had fallen, like those teeny tiny wondfos will do, far past where I was willing to dumpster-dive...

(Note to self : use first morning urine next time, and then destroy the evidence.. HPT bonfire?)

This morning?
I felt so fucking moody at home, pissed at E because I woke up early, jumped in the shower and got myself ready and he slept in (makes no sense right?)
and then I got pissed at him for leaving an entire cup of Button's milk out overnight (are we both at fault and that's why I didn't rub E's nose in it this morning?)
and I thought, Ugh this is fucking PMS

And then I got even more bitchy because I'm pretty sure I'm PMS-ing, which means AF is on her way.

I didn't dare test..


The battles in my brain:


I am able to wake up with ease even at 7am (I usually snooze my alarm for 30-40 minutes, and I had noticed myself waking up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed during 1st Tri with Button...)
but
I'm PMSing like a pro

I'm not waking up for MOTN pee's
but
I've had that slight not-painful-but-mostly-annoying headache that I had the last few days before testing with Button...

I get the shaky haven't-eaten-yet feeling when i get to work, even though I had a bowl of cereal at home...

my regular DD coffee: french vanilla, skim milk + 2 sugars - still tastes funny...

it used to taste like heaven (even more than at-home-brewed coffee!) at the first sip...

I had horribly dry eyes all day friday at the computer - like, unprecedented dry eyes... (oh that's a pregnancy symptom! Ignore the website that says it usually starts around the end of the first trimester...)

This morning I got all road-ragey (I honestly don't even remember why, because I was barely off our street when I started cursing)
and then I cursed (silently) again, thinking I'm a horrible mother, because Button is sitting in the backseat listening...

And now - second time needing to pee in an hour. oooo!
Most likely because the coffee I just finished is a diuretic. duh.

**and let's not miss what just happened at lunch: I thought a coworker was setting down a plate of steak being served so I grabbed a piece. 

I accidentally ate off of his personal plate.. 

and my brain has been on-and-off since this morning when I almost got into the wrong black SUV after dropping off Button..


I've already decided - if this cycle is BFN, I'm making two phone calls on CD1:
1. dentist (yes, the root canal I was supposed to begin/continue as soon as Button was born? *hangs head...*
still not done...

2. Tattoo shop.  
=)

Back to The Buggy List!!

Seriously, Norah Roberts??

Ok so it wasn't Norah Roberts, per say, but I'm sick of these romance novels where the silly female lead, most usually a virgin, doesn't pay any attention to protection during the hot steamy sex with the slutty male lead, and 3 months in finally decides to take a pregnancy test and

Guess who's knocked up!



Seriously?!?!

I used to think these books were so cute, and they all follow nearly the same formula - she tries to hide her pregnancy (after she finds out at 3 months!) from him so he won't think she's trying to trap him.  He's secretly thrilled that she's pregnant so now he can trap HER with marriage cuz *SNAP* he just realized he luh-luh-LOVES her...

If only I'd paid more attention to these books in highschool when I was only reading them for the smutty sex scenes!  (Note to you guys - just skip straight to 50 Shades of Grey for the smut - it's also ****SPOILER ALERT**** a little more realistic - she forgot to go in for her Depo shot and gets KU... lol)

For those wondering How to get pregnant:

1. Find a STEAMINGLY hot, play-boy type, preferrably righ guy.

2. Be sure to keep your virginity until you meet said guy.

3. Introduce a little alcohol, like a single glass of white wine, because you're a good girl and don't normally drink much...

4. Have a hot steamy sex scene that skips over the "do you have a towel or anything?" part and just cuddle, ignore the mess...

5. Fast forward 3 months - Congratulations on your pending motherhood!

*****

Personal update - whether you're TTC or TTA*, 2WW's just never go away... My post mc 2ww* is almost up, though we'll probably wait just a tad longer to make sure... But next up for the Nook: Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty trilogy! (more smut - woohoo!!  So if you liked 50 Shades, check this trilogy out!!)

*there'll eventually be a glossary, but til then (if I can remember each post):

TTC - Trying to Conceive

TTA - Trying to Avoid

2ww - Two Week Wait (mostly used for the 2 weeks between ovulation and when you can take PG test)