Nothing but Nails...

and so begins E's overnight canoeing trip which started a little rocky when his alarm failed to go off at 6am, so he rushed out of the house at 6:55 with a frantic "goodbye, love you" and a kiss, and left me wide awake for the day.  FAAAH-bulous.

So now - some quality time catching up on Sister Wives, Dance Moms and a rewatching of one of my current favorite movies - Crazy Stupid Love - all while giving myself a MUCH needed mani!  (Good thing I did that BEFORE cracking open the Pinot Grig!) 

andplusalso - negative HPT this morning in addition to what I thought was spotting starting in the afternoon, which proceeded to disappear.  So as usual, for lately, I have no clue what's going on.  WIN.

Also - CONGRATULATIONS to my blogger friend over at MoreSalt on new home ownership - welcome to the HomeDepotOnSaturdayMornings Club!

Live, Laugh Love...

Exhausted today for some reason - the lawsuit at work, the pregnant coworker, the obsession over my chart this month.  Got a load of laundry on spin-cycle and two more in line, and my DVR queued up - I'm ready for a lazy, but clean clothed Thursday night!

Quick P365 from a dinner date last night with two great girlfriends and one great 2 year old who lasted until 10pm without a single hint of a tear or tantrum. (dont judge - it was a a once in forever get together for his mommy!!)

 Enthralled by Phinneas & Ferb

So my friend's grocery list is forever gone, but clear evidence of a great night:


Works of Art and
Wine

and NEVER forget to






Live a life of passion

Laugh out loud

and Love unconditionally

Paranoia, Paranoia - Everybody's Coming to Get me!

I'm officially a card-carrying member of the dreaded TTC Babyhood Watch.

You know - your ever watchful eye is on a constant roam, looking for girlfriends - heck or even just female strangers - that are sipping gingerale and cranberry juice while the rest of their girls' night posse is toasting with martinis.

You note, and then pore over and inspect, the bathroom schedule of your coworker, wondering why she just peed three times in the last hour.

You get suspicious when a female family member under the age of 40 passes on the sushi and seared-tuna appetizers - is she watching her mercury levels??




Or like me - you just know it's about your pregnant assistant when another coworker, and close friend of your assistant, asks at lunch of another mother "Did you get an amnio done?"

Or when same coworker and friend of assistant asked yesterday at lunch, "Is it bad for someone's sugar to go to ###?" (I completely forget the number, and I have no clue what's normal - so it'd be silly of me to even guess...)

And my mind goes to pregnant coworker who has diabetes.  And is overweight.






 

It just might be a major case of Green Monster-itis that has me watching her every move.

She just spent 10 minutes in the bathroom and now seems to be sniffling.  I wonder if she's spotting.

Please don't think that I'm sitting here in our office thinking, Miscarry! Miscarry! Misery loves the company!

As always, it's just an epic battle between Good & Evil.

 

Of course you hope for NOTHING but the best for her - don't you remember being in those early weeks, full of giddiness and wonder and awe that there was a second heartbeat inside of you?

So the fuck what.  This bitch doesn't even WANT to be pregnant right now.  She complains all the time about having to go to doctors' appointments, at which she probably gets an ultrasound every time for reassurance.  Go ahead and wonder why she hasn't had any morning sickness yet!

Speaking of morning sickness, neither did you - I'm just saying...

You wonder who wins?!

I see-saw back and forth about the possibility of being pregnant this cycle too.   Hours of phantom symptoms like nausea and dizziness first thing in the morning (had that when I was pregnant.)  Followed immediately by hours of utter despair that we have to go another cycle because I am NOT pregnant.

"Only try to realize the truth..."

What truth?

"There ARE no symptoms..."

There are no symptoms?!

"Then you'll see, it is not the phantom symptoms that are crazy, it is YOU that's crazy!"

 

******

Eric's surprise pary is coming along well - 24 people will DEFINITELY be there.  Which is probably better than any other turnouts we've had for our previous annual Palooza's.  So SIL and I are meeting Saturday while E is on a rafting trip to call the caterers and chair/table rental place. 

I only hope that until this party, I can pull off little white lies alot better than last night:

I purchased a dress for $50 and wasn't planning on telling E how much it was.  So when he flat out asked me how much I spent?

WHAT chocolate cake?!

P365

"This, too, shall pass..."

a Punch to this Old Gut...

And my morning started out oh so well...

I had to run out for work errands and returned to find a DD coffee on my desk that a coworker had picked up - the true way to this girl's heart. (E does not feel threatened.) lol

And then it all went to hell...

A coworker stopped by to say hi and says she feels old - her 10 year High School reunion is this fall.   I said mine is sometime this year too - and if she's old, then I'm old!  And then E's REALLY old - his was 2 years ago!  

Then my stupid little assistant - you know, the one who told everyone and their goldfish that she was pregnant at 4 weeks? yea that one - she says her 10 year reunion will be next March-ish.  But, "oh woe is me - I won't be able to go - I'm due in February so I'll be a new mommy with my cute cuddly little newborn that you don't get to have, K.  Squeeeeee and rainbows and unicorns and lots of glitter!"

Ok - no she didn't actually say "Squeeee" but everything else is accurate.  Somewhat.

For some reason this girl's pregnancy bugs the HELL out of me.  I think I'm just so annoyed because I did it all the "right" way - was on prenatals for months before getting pregnant, cautiously only told our family after a heartbeat was confirmed, revealed the news to a few more friends after another appointment revealed appropriate growth and heartbeat again.  We followed the "12week rule" - you all know what I mean by that.  And still it all went to hell in a handbasket.

And it WILL be this girl, who posted pictures of her positive HPT on F.acebook an hour after she took it, that will have everything go smoothly, even though she's an insulin-dependant diabetic.  She told anyone who would listen at work the very next morning that she was pregnant.  She even told those who wouldn't listen (mostly me.)  And she sits and complains about the fact that she'll have multiple check ups due to her poor health. 

I'm still trying to decide if I want to scream at her that I miscarried and she needs to STFU about anything and everything.   Now, I can only HOPE that if she knew, she wouldn't say the stupid shit she has in the past few weeks.  But what if she still does?  You know, says the stupid shit after KNOWING...

That's when I think it would be better to keep quiet and just turn up Pandora a little louder and keep on keeping on until 5'o'clock arrives.  (Although lately that's been a little more like 6'o'clock. ugh)

I'm looking forward to this work day's end for sure - all of The Cousins are getting together for dinner tonight.  The Cousins would be E and I, my SIL and her husband, the couple who just had Baby G's christening (and I hope they bring him tonight! Although they probably won't for want of adult time and adult beverages without bottles of the baby variety getting in the way, who can blame them) and E's younger cousin - 9 years younger, because her mother struggled with fertility and had only her daughter later in life. 

So come OOOON FIVE O CLOCK! I've got family, friends, fantastic food and drinks* waiting!

*I'm normally a drink-til-it's-pink kind of gal - of course it's a reprise showing of Women who Stare at Charts recently.  "Is that an implantation dip??  Is that the CM I saw during our BFP cycle at 6DPO??  Am I an uber bitch lately because pregnancy hormones are raging??  Oh- no, that's just typical bitchy me."

I am trying not to create phantom symptoms because I will avoid heartbreak and a BFN at all costs.  I am going to temp all the way through til AF (or BFP).  So if temp drops? 

SOOO - on that note:

On this Friday - FRIDAY THE 13TH - I will be about 11DPO.  And E will be out of town starting Saturday morning (I would so love to be able to keep a BFP a surprise for a big birthday gift at the end of July - yea, I know - horse before the cart... and we'll cross that bridge when we get there.  With our horse-drawn cart.)

*gulp*

Do I test if temps are still up??  (I only consider it an option because on our BFP cycle - I got a clear positive at just 12DPO - and it might have been a little earlier than that as 1st and 2nd u/s measured me a few days later.)

"I'll take a one-way ticket on the TTC Crazy Train please?"

P365

Amalfi Coast, Italy

the peace I need to find again from our honeymoon

NOT Blackjack

Holy mother of all that is holy.  Someone forgot to remind Kate she's not 21 anymore....

I still feel physically hungover from the busy weekend - I was almost looking FORWARD to work this morning!!!

Friday night we took E's two adopted sisters (14 and 15) to play GLOW-IN-THE-DARK mini golf!  I think he and I were more excited about it than his sisters... And guess who somehow won?? THE WORST PUTT-PUTT'er EVER:        me.  *Shrugs* go figure!

The coolest thing of the night (and YES I had to take a picture):

coolest soap dispenser ever

Saturday morning was "Get up before you're used to on the weekend" and off we went to the christening.   
The whole get-out-of-bed-before-you're-ready was so E could be there early for a run-through as godfather.  We arrived only to sit there for 30 minutes, and when 12oclock rolled around, they just began - no run through.  

I could have slept longer!!!! grrr.... but Baby G did what all babies do - cried through the baptism and then passed the eff out for all the cute pictures, mine included.

P365

We hightailed it to the Jersey Shore after the party - foooooor the after party? 

Serious drinking and drinking games ensued - whiskey, no chaser!

And for those of you that watch Jersey Shore - I got CheeseSteaks Unlimited bitch! 

And then I got to watch Wasted Guy puke at CheeseSteaks Unlimited, bitch!  And YES! I took a picture! you're welcome.

 Never even moved his head.

Overall, it was a good night.

Relaxed on the beach, nursing small hangovers the next morning.

Hit an awesome sidewalk sale with the ladies (SIL, her friend, and E's cousin) and got some cute summer dresses, all for under $30!  Don't you just LUUUUV a bargain!

 AND THEN.

BUGGY ITEM ACCOMPLISHED!

 In RED WHITE and BLUE, no less! 

 (someone else's phone)

On the Baby Brain:  so apparently I O'd a week ago... which somewhat sucks for our BD timing, but hey look - I'm almost halfway through the 2ww already!

Whatever the hell's going on "down there," I know I'm a royal bitch today - 

"I don't take no crap from NO-bahdy!!" 

So at least I know there's hormones raging, whichever ones and for whatever reason!  

I've already forewarned E he better WATCH IT tonight!  That was nice of me, right?! 

Bikini Bod vs Baby Bod

I barely had a start on the Baby Bod - only just some lovely bloat for awhile...

But part of my Buggy List was getting into FANTASTIC shape (yes, I know the irony - just in time to get pregnant again, God willing - but I'm not banking on ANYTHING happening, positive or negative.)

I've been kickin' it with the grannies in Aqua Cardio, and played some hardcore beach volleyball on the 4th that I'm STILL incapable of walking correctly from - dirty minds out of the GUTTER - my muscles are all just sore! 

And my lovely Groupon item arrived yesterday:

And yes, that's how I look in mine.
(HAH!)

If you'll remember, I can stay pretty trim and thin, but who doesn't love a little help when holding it in?!  (sorry for the Dr Seuss-themed brag!)

I'll be rocking this bad boy tomorrow under a to-be-determined dress at the christening for E's cousins.  They have Baby B - who just flirts and smiles at me and I absolutely LOVE it.  I'm hoping that, since E is his godfather, I have a right to dominate baby-time and hold him for as long as possible!

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow, and here's why:
As many women of similar experiences have eloquently put, it's not the people who already have babies that bother me - it's the newly pregnant ones!

Liiiike - my assistant at work who had her 2nd OB appoint this week after BLASTING out her 4w pregnancy to EVERYONE and then proceeded to complain to me about having to have frequent appointments because of her diabetes and the results of her own poor eating habits over the past 30 years.

(I bet they're wearing Spanxx like mine...)

Lawsuit that I'm having to prepare and provide documentation for at work is royally sucking.  I've decided not to let that stress me out.

All I need is more stress here at CD21 with fading OPK lines that never completely went positive, and an almost temp shift.

What I DO need:



And hopefully some of this, if we can sneak away after the christening to head down the shore tomorrow night:

 

P365

Independence?!

More like Dependence.  I can't go through a day without temping (between 7:45 and 8:15) and then PIAC for an OPK, and doing it all again that night, to make sure not to miss any LH surge!!  I can't go through a day without figuring where I'm going to squeeze in my 8oz of POM juice - little cheerleaders for my ute lining: gotta regroup and rebuild!

And here we are - CD19 and still no positive OPK and no temp shift.  I'm about to go crazy!!!!

AAAAAAGH!

Last month I didn't get a pre-O temp dip until ON CD20 (and of course, I wasn't OPKing) but I believe there's still hope!  I'll just sit my reproductive system down for a pep-talk...

 "You gotta START this family, ovaries - GOT IT?!"

You can't be annovulatory!!

In the meantime, last night was an 8th grade graduation party for E's adopted little sister at my in-laws new house - hellooooo pool!  

And in typical fashion, I picked up her card and gift ON THE WAY to meeting him at the house.  (Hallmark store was a lifesaver!! Found a cute little birthstone heart necklace and heart anklet!)

But wouldn't you know - the graduation cards would be RIGHT NEXT to the "Pregnancy" and "BabyShower" cards.   Duh - common sense those two should go together...

Ok, K - take a deep breath and just focus on the Grad cards... DAMMIT of COURSE they only have ones for Brother, Daughter, Son, College Grad - NO WHERE is there a card for a sister!   AAGGGH there's the Pregnancy ones again - DONT.  PANIC.

GUH.  I made it out alive, and was able to later enjoy some great fireworks that we could see from the front step.  

As E and I were getting ready to head home, I saw something that made my night:  his sister was already wearing both the necklace and anklet.  

Today we've already accomplished some small fix-ups around the house, so we're gonna reward ourselves with some good 'ole 4th of July partying.  BBQ at the neighbors across the street (the party animals of the block - aside from US of course!) and then a bar with outdoor volleyball courts - drunken sports are always entertaining!!

You're Welcome. =)

P365

  Happy 4th of July!