Tits Up to Tits Down...

I was recently browsing through old posts (procrastination on writing a new post... lol) and came across this one...

I remember basically having a break-down one night when Ms. Mack was about two weeks old... it was pre-lactation-visits but a few doctor appointments into a shaky weight gain...

Well.


Here we are, 8months (and 1 week) later - STILL NURSING!!!! (and pumping at work...)

Now I feel like I should kick myself in the butt, because I somewhat blame my fatigue for her poor weight gain: I could barely keep my eyes open even while standing, so to get some sleep I just laid her on my chest, so we both slept for more 4-5 hour streches, when really - she should have been waking up to eat...
Que sera, sera...

Of course, it hasn't been smooth sailing the whole way - as I currently down 4 lecithin horse pills a day for a recurrent clogged duct and carry around tweezers/safetypins/alcoholswabs to keep the clog-causing milk bleb open... (a case of chicken-or-egg, this bleb/clog combo... I thought the bleb caused the clog, but then I'm opening the bleb nearly every nursing/pump session, so lactation-consultant-friend thinks the bleb is a symptom of a deeper clog, hence the lecithin (a fat-emulsifer))

This development has also totally impacted pump out-put: my first-morning session at work went from a typical 5-6ounces to a measly 3-3.5ounces, and the second session went from a typical 3-3.5oz to 1.75-2oz...

but - but...

My nine-month goal is fast approaching, and given Ms.Mack's affinity for all things food (baby purees, bananas, cut-up blueberries, pieces of bread, puffs, carrot sticks that she gums) I am anticipating a transition to cow's milk at the nine-month mark, releasing me from my indentured servitude (of work pumping twice a day). 

We'll heavily depend on the freezer stash (down to 75 ounces) for the next few weeks (the three previous work days she's taken all three bottles at daycare (10oz) whilst I'm only pumping on average 5oz at work...) and I'll squeeze in a hand-pump session before bed here and there (will usually yield just under 2oz!) and we should just* make it...

*ok, we'll make it if I use no more than 3.4ounces a day from the freezer stash... yup, I am that freak that creates and runs formulas to calculate if Sally has 1,000 ounces of breast milk, and wants to make it last for 49 calendar days, but wants to wean and use 1 ounce less per day as each week passes, at what rate should she decrease....
ok yea, you get it - I ran those formulas... lol and I can't use more than 3.4 ounces per day, or I'll run out before she makes her nine-month appointment!

And this mathematical brain of mine always feels so much better with a plan in place, The Plan now being: keep pumping x2 a day at work; if the freezer stash diminishes too quickly before her 9 month mark, we'll supplement with a little formula to get us there...
Once nine months hits, I'll drop to pumping once a day at work (still nursing in the am and pm, and weekends) and eventually all-together drop pumping at work (OMG CANNOT WAIT! the work-wardrobe options that will open up when I no longer have to access my boobs twice a day!

Celebrity-Monday

intrigued by the title?!

so am I - not really sure what I'm doing here, but I recently read a cute blog entry where the author turned the "celebrity interviews" (the ones you see in magazines- "What's in My Purse?" for example!) on herself..

this is always good when I need to blog (i.e. it's been awhile) but I've gotten so back-logged in "updates" that it's become that tedious looming chore...

lol


so, for the first "I'm a Celebrity!" interview (where you get to learn things about me you may not give a crap about. lol)

I NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT...
a good pair of sunglasses! (of course, there's the assumed "cell phone" but that's a boring answer...)
A nice pair of Jackie-O sunglasses can both hide any under-eye bags that came from your kids waking you at 6am on a Saturday AND disguise the fact you haven't washed off your mascara from the night before... ALL while polishing off your outfit of leggings and new LuLaRoe top! (yes, I've become obsessed... fashion post soon to come!)

THE MOST STYLE YOU CAN GET FOR UNDER $25...
Well I can find some pretty cheap clothes personally, but we'll stick with a universally "cheap" item of a scarf! Patterned, solid, knit or cotton - it's my out-fit topper all fall/winter long, and it helps to serve as a nursing cover!

MY VANITY IS ALWAYS STOCKED WITH...
Make up wipes! (except it's currently not stocked right now - I just ran out last night... lol)
A fabulous piece of beauty advice my mom and grandma gave me - WASH YOUR FAVE EVERY NIGHT - even if "washing" sometimes means taking a pre-moistened cleanser wipe to your skin... get that gunk off before bed!


BEST SHOPPING ADVICE...
make sure it's VERSATILE! (especially if it's a piece you're spending a bit of money on... if not, then go for the $2 impulse buy at that thrift-store sale *wink wink*)
but if not - if you're going to spend a pretty penny, make sure you can already envision multiple outfits/ways to wear this piece... as with my new LuLaRoe obsession, I "splurged" $40 on a "Julia" dress - but made sure I already have multiple ways (and the accessories needed!) to wear this!

I ALWAYS SPLURGE ON...
No particular thing, but always one or two items per season... three years ago it was a splurge on my Michael Kors watch. Two years ago it was a maxi skirt from Anthropologie... If each season you splurge on one or two staple pieces (black wool dress! fabulous riding boots! the perfect pair of jeans!) then you can easily supplement with cheaper/thrift-store pieces!

I ALWAYS SAVE ON...
The most current fads/fashions - especially if they're ones that are pretty funky and are most likely going to be lining the give-away bins within a year... So while current styles aren't always available cheap or pre-owned (thrift store queen here!) that means I dress more in the timeless classics... Shift dress and cardigan - don't forget your scarf!

EVERY WOMAN NEEDS...
a piece of clothing/outfit that she feels fabulous and confident in EVERY TIME she puts it on... whether that's a little black dress with all-the-right-places rouching, or a leggings-and-oversized-Tshirt paired with a favorite pair of flip-flops and a cute pony-tail...

MY SECRET STYLE SOURCE...
everyone, everywhere... that ingenious little teenager, wearing a skirt as a tube-top! the librarian with a to-die-for stripes+floral combo within her cardigan and pencil skirt set! the A-lister celebrity listed on the style pages with the most recent fad - acid-wash jeans back from the 80's! (not really that fad... but you get where I'm going...)
My younger SIL's (still in highschool) keep my style young, and my conservative coworkers keep it classic!

from hip, to nerdy - a bit edgy to good old jeans and a scarf!

MY MUST-HAVE FOR WINTER...
Tights. In a goes-with-everything shade of gray.  Got a favorite sundress that you miss mid-snow-storm? Rock it with a collared-blouse and tights underneath!  How about a tailored pair of shorts? Tights, booties and a cute sweater! (OMG now I'm ready for fall!)




Well there you go, a first interview of (hopefully) many to come! 

Lucky Number (aka 7 Months!)

oh my gosh,,, BAD BLOGGER (slaps wrist)

I fall into this trap: I get a little bit behind in blogging, and then to post becomes a bigger (and bigger and bigger) deal, to get all caught up and current with what's going on... the bigger it gets, the more inclined I am to put it off even more, which makes it become an ever bigger endeavor...

which is how we end up here: with a 7-month post needed, a three-year BigBoy post needed, a wedding we went to weeks ago, my parents' trip (haven't seen them since January!!!) and birthday celebrations...

we're just going to vomit all these out in this and the next (few) post(s)...

first all - we flew past Maddie's 7 months! (We flew so quickly past it, I never took pictures with her cute month-stickers that SIL got me...  oops...)

Miss Madeline was 7 months on July 21st!




while there's no stats, she's nursing approx 3 times a day (at 5am - girl sleep in! and at 8am before daycare, and around 8pm before bed...)



speaking of bed - she's sleeping around 9pm-5am (she's sometimes a struggle to put down to bed - I've recently read about FEED-PLAY-SLEEP and may try it tonight - no more nursing to sleep... eat/nurse early, play and then bedtime with big brother...
(I wonder if I'll want to hand-pump a little before I go to bed now...)



When she wakes at 5am (ish) I usually bring her back to bed with me where we side-lie nurse and usually both go back to sleep for another hour or so...

(Google auto-awesome does these animations... so friggin cool!)
She likes to stand while holding on, sometimes lets go and checks herself out...

We're eating LOTS of food! Breakfast is usually 1/2 a banana, another pureed fruit, and some yogurt...
Lunch is usually a vegetable and some wheat bread - yup, wheat bread - broken into puff-size pieces... this girl can eat!
Dinner is usually another vegetable/meat puree and some more bread...
I've veered a little away from 100% homemade food (shit I just didn't have the time anymore...) but I just made some butternutsquash+corn and spinach+applesauce last night... big menu-planning trip tonight, I'll pick up some fruits to puree (strawberries and peaches??)

She naps well at daycare (typically 2 short ones, minimum...) I guess I shouldn't say "well" - the naps usually run less than an hour...

We had a bit of an enterovirus recently during which she napped for almost 3 hours!!  (Her appetite also decreased for a few days, so little Miss isn't as chunky-cheeks anymore, hopefully we're getting back up there!!)

She loves to watch her brother, whatever he is doing - whether it's showing her his toys while they play in our bed, or shake tissue paper in her face (she gets SUCH a kick out of that... weirdo! lol)
She likes rattles (shake shake shake!) and still enjoys baths - developed a little bit of eczema behind one of her knees, hopefully it will clear up with some aquaphor...

We've started trying out different sippy-cups, so far she only likes to chew on them, but I switched out the nipple on our recent favorite and she seems to have recently realized she's getting something yummy!

I'm still pumping twice a day at work, getting about what she's drinking at daycare (2- 3.5oz bottles) and I've still got a very decent freezer stash (90ish ounces at last count!)

With 1.5 months left until we can start a cow's milk transition, odds are looking pretty good to finish up EBF! (of course, plus our solids...)

still wearing Size 6M clothes (feetie sleepers getting short!!!) (can rock hand-me-down (pre-washed/shrunk) size 9M)
Wearing size 3 diapers!! (would totally fit into 2's, but our local food store had a sale on Huggies recently and all they had were 3's and up, so... well, they don't leak! lol)

loves her frozen yogurt bars!

Despite having no teeth yet (following in her brother's footsteps there!) she still LOVES her puffs and bread, I can hear her crunch into the star-shaped puffs... =P

Happy 7 Months, Big Girl!!!

for now...

I've got a few posts half started in my brain (and half started on blogger) with every intention of writing them.


Next week...

(but probably not, because my parents are flying in Sunday night for a week long visit!)

Starting with Button's 3-year check up today (AGH!) then we've got a birthday BBQ/pool party tomorrow, a wedding on Sunday - and then my parents fly in that night...

for now, I'm heading out of work - thanks to some nice GI issues... but hey - I'm no longer "just one stomach bug away from my ideal weight!"  (and will look FABULOUS in my fancy dress at the wedding! ha....)

Holiday Dumpage...

Plus a little bit of brain-vomit...

A few weeks ago, I had to get new phone when my old one suddenly stopped taking charge... E had told me multiple times recently that he was just waiting for my nod to go phone shopping.  Well that day, i messaged him "Verizon store. meet me there straight after work, I'll get kids!"
I watched my battery percent go lower and lower (and didn't even think/worry about getting all my pictures off until I hit 2% in the Verizon store and it died!)
((thankfully, somehow E was able to charge it when we got home later that night... now I just have to offload the pics some day...))

But the good thing (silver lining?) is my new phone has an AWESOME new camera (1000x better than old one - hence the picture-vomit to follow)

So- our recent holiday weekend:
On Saturday morning I was steaming and blending more food for Ms. Mack, when I noticed the Disney movie going on out our back door/on our back porch:

How many animals can YOU count in this picture?
There's FOUR blue-jays and a finch ... at one point we had the four blue-jays, two finches, a squirrel AND a chipmunk. all at once.

After stealthily slipping out of the kitchen to call the boys from the basement to come see (didn't want to scare them off!) Button then wanted ME to come see - he can write* his name!




*E first writes the shadow of letters with his finger, then Button traces... 

but he IS able to free-hand a smiley-face!! =)









Then, because of the impending influx of estrogen and breastmilk (my BF Tribe came over for lunch with their littles!) E took off "to stroll some stores, like Home Depot. maybe Lowe's..."

That night we headed to friends' condo for dinner and Button's first firework show!!! (I considered him still too little last summer to stay up so late - agh summer sun doesn't set until like, 8:45 and firework shows start so late!)

(also - lovely hostess made yogurt/fruit icepops for the kids!)

(It also ended up working out well - Ms. Mack napped late on the way to friends' place so both kiddos were good to stay up a little late!)




Our Sunday morning looked like this:

I absolutely adore her halo of bedhair... <3 <3

While E took off to go fishing with Mr. Friend from the previous night, I made plans with Ms. Friend (their wedding is next weekend!!) to meet at diner for breakfast... We made it out unscathed (and tantrum-free!) and then came home and went for walk before it got too hot...
I squeezed Ms. Mack into her Best Little Sister onesie (it's 3M... we had to wear it one last time!) and we goofed off waiting for Daddy to come back from fishing...

They both went down for naps (YESSSSS!)

 (ok, so it's not like I got a lot done during HER nap... lol)

We killed some time until Button woke up:

And we then went to my in-laws to BBQ/hang out before they left for DTS


(they wanted to see the kids before they started their week vacation)

 

Boy did I love having that three-day weekend...
Fourth of July dawned BEAUTIFUL, and we spent the morning at a nearby reservoir (where, in fact, E went fishing the day before!)

Button got to fish with Daddy (they didn't catch anything but someone else's lure!)

 We spent the rest of the Fourth in our backyard, testing out the baby pool before Button's big Splash-Bash birthday party this Saturday! 

Yup - you saw that, right? Button's THIRD BIRTHDAY PARTY is this Saturday! Agh (better go order a cake, huh?)

We met new neighbors who moved in two weeks ago with a little boy who is 3.5 - perfect for a new friend! We've invited them to the party this weekend, hope they make it!

(oh yea - can't forget Ms Mack's driving lessons!)

Just F*cking Doing It

I know I know - boring lately, just posting other articles I've read. real original thoughts, right?

can I help it if what I'm thinking is so much more eloquently worded by someone else? ; )


especially when my language and self-expression, when inspired, gets filled with expletives every other word...

Like last night - which went like this:
    ~5:10    headed to daycare from work
  
    ~5:40    hit the grocery store with both kids - we needed fruits and veggies to blend for Ms. Mack's food

    ~6:15    get home, wrangle kids and groceries inside - leave the frozen stuff on the counter while I get the dogs out to go potty (all the while Button, who ripped his shoes and socks off first thing, is scrambling to get them back on because he "WANTS TO GO WITH [me] OUTSIDE!!!"   

    ~6:45    E rolls in from work as I'm defrosting shrimp and starting to cut up pears (for Ms. Mack's purees) and of course, he spends 20 minutes playing with the kids... isn't that nice? to walk in from work and play with your kids?

    ~7:15   we're sitting down to dinner, I'm feeding Ms. Mack (and in between her screams for more food, feeding myself) the pears are on pause...

    ~7:45   Ms. Mack is fussy (she last woke from a nap at daycare at 3pm...) I head upstairs with her to nurse and put her to bed... (hoping for a fuss-free bedtime, she should be tired enough!)

    ~8:10   Come downstairs, E is out on the front step with Button eating ice pops.  As I'm in the kitchen cutting up the third pear to boil, I hear him ask if I can take Button to bed tonight...      ....... I literally asked, "are you serious? or just saying that for his sake/to get him in line?" (Remember tantrums? because he wants daddy to take him to bed?)  No, he's serious...

    ~8:20  I put the pears on to boil, ask E to watch them, and take Button up to bed - teeth get brushed, we go potty one last time (been rocking undies to bed!) and read three ("just one more!") four books and sing songs (as I whisper-yell at Button to be quiet, for fear of waking up the baby in the same room...)

    ~8:40  back downstairs, continue working on the purees - while the pears boil, I peel and chop carrots.  While the carrots boil, I drain, blend and jar the pears... while I drained, blended and jarred the carrots, the green beans and spinach were boiling...

     ~10:20ish   finally closed the last jar of applesauce, got the kitchen cleaned up - oh wait, I need to make bottles for daycare tomorrow... (which entails defrosting a bag of milk since she drank all 3 bottles that day and I only pumped 2...)

     ~10:21ish    oh but wait - Ms. Mack ended up on her stomach and is fussing, so I need to go rock her back to sleep, after the "shushing" didn't work...

     ~10:50    Ms. Mack back to sleep, I finished bottles for daycare and got my pump bag packed. 


oh look it's time to go to bed...
and then E will occasionally have the nerve to complain that he never has time to do his stuff (like his side projects for which he makes money!!)


All that to segue to:
   I have friends that ask "how is it having two kids versus one?"
And I mostly answer, not that much different...

You've already gone through the wholly-life-changing "omfg-what-did-I-do" event of having your first baby... just mix in a few more sleepless nights, more caffeine, and more craziness and you've gone from one kid to two!

what about the people that are all, "man I don't know how you do it! Working full time and all the other magnificent things you do like laundry, and house work, and feeding the kids..."  (sorry - got carried away with what I'd like to be hearing... lol)

but really, how do I do it?

I just fucking do it - because as a mom, I have to!

queue link to another great article I recently read, nodding my head at almost every part, going "uh HUH! YUP - OMG SO TRUE!"

            The "Just Fucking Doing It" Club

because as moms, we just fucking do it...

"And you know what – it is fucking impressive but also – it is what it is.
We are the Just Fucking Doing It Club.
Nobody gets shit done like mothers do."


I'll be over here, getting shit done... 

answer anger with... LOVENESS

Being the mom of a threenager  a moody toddler an active and accident-prone but well-intentioned little boy (he throws his empty dishes into the sink blindly... love that he cleans up after himself, but I'm surprised he hasn't yet broken any glass that was in the sink! **He has broken a glass in the living room...) there have totally been times where I feel myself losing my cool at the 10th tantrum in three hours...

but I recently came across this article, which was really a share of this fabulous post by mommy Kathleen Fleming, author of the blog Majestic Unicorn (helluva blog name, right?!)

and this post - oh man, all the feels...

this here is how I want to be able to react... to tantrums because he wants Daddy, to accidentally shattered glasses, to thrown toys, to anything that really isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of life...

Broken Things

This was my hallway last Wednesday.  

Broken.  Sharp.  Treacherous.

This was my hallway.

It was my son who did this.

Sometimes, often really, things break - irreparably.  And it takes your breath away ... straight away.

It took my breath away when my son stormed into the bathroom, frustrated, angry, fed-up for his very own, very significant to him, reasons.  And when he chose to SLAM the bathroom door, causing the heavy mirror mounted to the front to slip out of the hardware holding it in place and crash onto the floor - a million, BROKEN pieces were left reflecting the afternoon light.

I was quiet.  I surveyed the damage and took a deep breath.  Put the dog outside so he wouldn't cut his feet, put the cat in the basement for the same reason.

I walked into the backyard and felt the hot tears streaming down my face.  It's amazing how alone you can feel as a single parent in moments like these.  I realized how scared and disappointed I felt.  Did this really just happen?  Yes.  This was real.

And as I stood and considered whether or not this was an indication of his developing character, I heard his tears through the window above me, coming from inside the bathroom.

His soul hurt.  This was not what he expected either.  Hello, Anger - I don't remember inviting you into my house.

Scary.

Terrified.

Ashamed.

Worried.

Scared.

Deep breath, #MamaWarrior.  Deep breath.  That small, fragile soul needs you right now.  He needs your very best.  Your biggest compassion.  Your most gentle and firm mama love and reassurance.  More deep breaths.  Go Mama.

Go.  Go now.  Go open the front door, tiptoe through the broken glass, hear him hearing you coming, watch the bathroom door crack open, see the face you love most in the world red with worry and wet with tears, his voice is suddenly so small: "Mama, I'll never do it again, I am SO sorry."  More tears.  More weeping.  Such uncertainty on his sweet face.

Go Mama.  Get him.  Go now.  Scoop him into your lap.  Yup, you're crying too.  Damn this was big.  Hold him tight.  Watch how he curls into a ball in your arms so quickly.  See how eager he is to be loved by you.  To be reassured by you.  See how small he still is.  See how fragile that spirit is.

I love you.

You are safe.

I am right here.

The worst part is over now.

I've got you.

I'm here.

 I love you.

Go Mama.  Tell him about Anger.  Tell him now.  Anger is a really powerful feeling.  You have a right to your Anger.  Anger burns hot.  It can purify.  It can also destroy.  He nods.  He feels it.  He's met Anger now.

There's a better way to show your big feelings.

We'll work on it together .... tomorrow.

I'm here to help you.

You are safe.

You are never alone in your anger.

 You are never alone in your fears.

I'm here.  We're here together.

Now we will clean together.

And we cleaned up the broken pieces.  We swept and we vacuumed.  It was quiet work.  It was careful work.  It was thoughtful work.

Sometimes things break.  Sometimes we break them.  It's not the breaking that matters, the how or why.  What matters is how we choose to respond to the broken-ness.  Does it kill us?  Does it throw us into a downward spiral of blame and punishment?

OR

Does it help us remember how to love deepest?  Does it push us towards compassion and over the hurdle of "rightness" and "wrongness" into LOVENESS?

Yes.  LOVENESS.

Go Mama.  Go now.  Get that baby of yours.  Teach that.  Show that.  Live that.  It's called LOVENESS.  Go.  Now.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~       ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

 

aaaand tears well up again as I copy, paste & skim....

LOVENESS