Almost there!

"That's what she said!?" HAHA - had to do it...


E's surprise party is almost here!!  And bit-by-bit, it's coming together - and I honestly think he has no clue...
Exhibit A - email to him setting it all up:

Exhibit B - (reproduction of) texts he's sent to two friends for above-mentioned barhopping:

.

I mean, I probably look like a bad wife in his eyes right now - doesn't even plan ANYTHING for his BIG 30th BIRTHDAY!  MUA-HA-HAAA!!!

My Evil Plan's WORKING!!



His grandfather shares the same birthday - he's turning NINETY ONE this year!! - and the whole family is coming to our house for pizza, cake & coffee tomorrow night.  So to further throw off E, I've got a number of gifts for him to open (if I'd skimped, he would guess I'm skimping for a REASON - i.e. some type of party)

And SIL's gift to him is dinner Saturday night at a great seafood restauraunt down the shore - hopefully he'll think that's the big plan I've been hiding! (Don't forget the Paranoid  Husband!)

I just need to get to the store for some Dirty Thirty props - napkins, canes with horns, v.iagara.

It's gonna be epic.

****

MushyStoryAlert!

I went home at lunch and decided to sit out on the back deck in a bikini top for some sun (nice stand of trees blocks our neighbors from that faaah-bulous view...)

And there's nothing better than sweating plastic tumblers on a summer day...

 

As I was sitting there, a butterfly came and landed. 

RIGHT on my Nook. 

Right where I was reading.

I wish I had time to grab my camera, but it flitted to my watch for a second, and then fluttered off.

It was awesome.

...And We All Float On

Get this - I've cooked two nights in a row now...

You read right.  Me.  I cooked.  Two. Nights. In. A. Row!!  (E's wondering where his real wife went, and how long her replacement will last...)

So when E suggested a movie night, I said - We're going ALL OUT, dinner date too!

So hot date set tonight - which is always a **high five** moment when I'm feeling pretty sexy in my work clothes. 

So E really wants to see The Dark Knight, but I've deferred to Spiderman - out of respect?
 
I've always sat in theaters and watched the PSA's and think, yea right - you want hundreds of panicked movie-goers to "calmly and quickly follow the exit signs in an orderly fashion in event of an emergency" ?!?!? 

And my weird, OVERactive imagination has created scenarios - and my solutions and/or actions to take - in case of anyone on a rampage where I am - be it work, a grocery store, etc.  (Forget Grey's Anatomy - I watch too much news.) 

I can't even begin to imagine the horror of actually going through this - let alone TWICE, as one of the victims from Aurora had:  Just a month or two ago, she left a food court in a Canadian shopping mall just a few minutes before a gunman entered and open fired. 

I cannot even begin to fathom what would possess a human being to want to inflict this kind of damage.

But in Respect and In Memory of Aurora, Colorado on July 20th, 2012:

Dog Days of Summer

I love visiting my Muffin in NYC and one of the best things is brunch on a Saturday morning.  Except she had to be at work at 7am.


And I pansied out from brunch alone with my Nook - so I treated myself to a NJ brunch - OJ and frozen waffles.



Tell me that ain't as good as a NYC brunch!

                     And my go-to mug:






























So while I am eating brunch at our fabulous little bistro set on the back porch, Battle of the Bees continues...
E thought he'd forgo the professionals, and tried to get rid of the bees' nest that has haunted and terrorized him for days now:

Very entertaining during breakfast, and YES - some bees were harmed during filming:

 

Don't forget, we're from NJ - and we saved a ton of money on a hitman!

There were other casualties too:

I was standing at the railing watching the circus of E running back and forth in his cat-burglar getup when something came and buzzed up on the back of my neck.  I freaked and flung everything - my arms, my mug, my coffee. 

My sexy mug is not so sexy any more - RIP...

 After a proper amount of mourning, we headed to my in-laws' house to hang poolside - dog days of summer are HOT!!

Good Things...

... come to those who work their ass off.

As I told the boss I was leaving early today for a concert in the city, not only was he cool about it - but he wanted to give me a bonus right then for working like crazy on the lawsuit!

So guess who's got $1500 already burning a hole in her bank account?!?!?!

Aaaaand guess who's going to be mature about this new windfall of money? UGH me.

But there will definitely still be some left over after I pay off my two credit cards! $500 left over! Which will still do a nice little shopping trip!

And then the grown up in me says, ok - slpurge, but only $100.  You're going to save the rest!

BUT - I am going to celebrate!  Off to a night in NYC for a Josh Rouse concert with my Muffin!  (Also lots of girl time, drinking - and hopefully minimum drunk dialing - a problem we've had in the past!)

Quick P365 of my favorite rain boots - I think I'm going to wear them tonight - still raining!

Battles

Sometimes you just have to pick your battles...

Battle of the Bulge...




Battle of the Bumps...

Battle of the Bees...

First, my good friend Dee and I never made it to the bridal store for White Dress shopping.
 (she gets a little anxious when we call it Bridal Gown shopping...)

We were all prepped and ready with a little celebratory champagne when we arrived and found out that the first store closed an hour before we got there - D'OH!
At the second store, Dee realized an attendant had to help us and she said, "I didn't realize this would be such a big deal, I can't do this yet!"

Soooo - we just went to dinner and proceeded to drink half their menu.

*Begin Battle of the Bulge*

And I have to admit, I've been slacking on hot yoga lately... why bother when its already 100degrees out?!
One night I figured I'd at least get out walking - only to look out the window and see torrential downpour. 

And I was secretly relieved because then I could curl up with my latest Nook novel and a glass of wine and further put off procrastinating on working out.

*Enter Battle of the Bump*

I had started to think lately that I was far enough healed to be capable of hearing about BFF and her successful pregnancy. 

EEERRRHH!!!!!      

WRONG!

E started to tell me how she had been having some pain in her leg because the baby was pressing on her lower back, and all I could think - over and over - was how lucky she was to be at the stage where her baby's big enough to be pushing around stuff in there.  She's starting to feel him/her move around.  And oh god - she's a week or so from finding out the sex.  And it's a downward spiral - I know I can't handle being around that yet.  Just being told by someone else nearly brought me to tears.  

I know I'm only handling the pregnant assistant by ignoring the whole situation.  That system tends to fail when she comes in at noon every other week from a check up appointment (remember her diabeetus??)

Speaking of diaBEEtus (because I have no better segue), E got stung a few nights ago while mowing the lawn.  We think it was a yellow jacket (vs a regular ole honey bee) because his ankle has swollen to grotesque proportions (he calls it his EleFoot) and there's now a rash that looks like bruising and poison ivy blisters.  (Don't worry - no P365 pictures of this!)

When I saw last night that what looked like bruising had spread down his foot, I put MY foot down (ha - pun intended) and said "You're having a doctor look at that NOW."

Off to the ER we went.  I have to say I married a complete clown, and he matches me perfectly.  We passed the time making off-color jokes...

("Why don't you see what kind of candy they have in that candy box on the wall?")

And eavesdropping on the patient across the 4-bed unit we were in.  Oh lawds. 

From what I could gather, she was in for some abdominal pain? Like, period cramping. 

The doctor was telling her she should go to a gynecologist for further testing - she was all, "where do I find a office thats got one of them?" 

And she sat and hollered at nurses to take out her IV - "Hey mami - hey hunnie, come help me wit dis!  I been havin' to piss since beFO I got 'dis in!"

You know when you get a picture in your head of who is speaking and then you see the person and you're like, "NO WAY!"

That's what this was like - she was maybe twenty-something, well dressed, looked clean and hygenic... we just kind of laughed as she strolled out of there.

A tetanus shot and Rx for antibiotics later, we finally got back home to the DELICIOUS pad thai that I made FROM SCRATCH that sat on the stove for 2 hours.  (Ok, so it was a sauce packet that I mixed with coconut milk - but otherwise from scratch!)

Still looks good 2 hours later, right??

I'm just glad E recognized it -

"The first night in a MONTH that my wife cooks dinner and it's sitting at home while we are in an ER..."

*Continuing Battle of the Bulge...

Oh the places you'll go...

*******

 E is back from his trip - we missed him dearly:

Continuing operation Project 30 Ninjas - getting ready to set up the WHY for a trip to Seaside Heights the weekend of his party.  SIL and I are going to say we're planning on obtaining yoga instructor licenses.  I mentioned it to E the other night and he was all about the details, for which I was PREPARED to hand him (thanks to SIL being serious about getting the license!)

HOPEFULLY we can pull this off and he knows nothing!

I've discovered a FAH-bu-LUSS not-so-new great therapeutic tool - ONLINE SHOPPING!
Thanks to some kick ass coupons and some speedy delivery men (expected 7/20/12, arrived 7/16/12 - GO POSTAL SYSTEM!) I've just gotten some brand new threads, all party-worthy!

Excited for tomorrow night - one of my best BIFFs is getting married in a year, has asked me to be in the wedding, and I'm taking her dress shopping!   After she loses her shit and falls in love with no less than 3 dresses (because your first time zipping up THAT white gown, you love 'em all!), and we both probably sob like toddlers who've dropped their ice cream on hot dirty pavement, we're going to dinner and drinks - repeat of a Buggy Item: multiple martinis I've never tried?!

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Literally.

It's CD1 here.  And I'm ok, this time.

Because CD1 means 1 more post-d&c month under the belt, and that means more healing time, more time to bounce back and less chance of this happening again (in my mind.  built up uterus = better implantation!)

And CD1 means that I get to drink at E's surprise birthday party, which is TWO WEEKS FROM YESTERDAY.  *gulp*   (That also means I'll prob be O'ing shortly after that.  COME ON LUCKY 30!)

And CD1 means that when my new BIFF comes to visit from IA, we get to SERIOUSLY party.  Not just people watch, fun as that may be.  (in Seaside Heights - it's NEVER a disappointment.) ((*And I have a feeling you could probably throw us in an empty garage and we'd have a blast...))

So there.  I am ready for this month, to catch the elusive O and bang, baby, bang!

 BD = bunny dance.  

*****

As I do every time E is gone overnight, I fell asleep on the couch last night - TV on, popcorn half eaten and dredges left in the wine glass.

But I got to catch up on all my girly stuff that E never wants to watch - cleared out 15% of our DVR! (and only 15% because we have a GINORMOUS amount of space and it was barely 50% full with 20+ movies and miscellaneous shows - Smash season finale with my girl Karen rocking out Marilyn Monroe is a top fiver!  That may never be deleted...) 

And must not forget a little sugar to go with the eye candy that is Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid Love! 

I would SO cheat on E with him.  

Just kidding.  

Kind of.

Went to brunch this morning with SIL to plan some more for E's surprise birthday party - I am starting to feel like we're gonna pull this off like the NINJAS we are!

I got the most incredible BananaNut Caramel french toast that only would have been better served with a cold bellini but alas, our county cannot serve alcohol before noon.  #firstworldproblems.

So I straight-lined two cups of coffee and we got cracking - alot accomplished for Project 30 Ninjas!

I realized when I got home that a bomb apparently went off:  in my kitchen, living room and bedroom.  Now I have one clean kitchen, scrubbed sinks and all.  And one clean living room - I even wiped dog hairs off the coffee table!  And one clean bedroom (THAT hasn't happened for a couple of weeks, as I love to leave a running pile of must-hang-as-soon-as-there's-space clothes.)

It's time for this girl to rock out some self-accompanied karaoke after this productive Sunday!