"Don't Worry, Be Happy"

Jammin' with one of the Marley's here at work (Ziggy, Bob - I can't remember lol)

Quick carefree Friday blog entry - DON'T WORRY.

Be Happy!!

Even Rocco knows how to chillax!!

Tired of Treading...

That’s all I feel like I’m doing right now – just barely treading enough to keep my mouth and nose above water.

At times when I think I can’t keep going, I find the will and strength somewhere.

And just when I think I can do it, I start to go under.

Here’s the whole ding DANG story…

I have an assistant who is about my age, married 4 years, but told me she was putting baby ideas on hold to take time out and get healthy (she’s overweight and diabetic).

Last week or so, we were having a random conversation about summer allergies and summer colds and she says how much it would suck to be all stuffy and congested in the summer.

And follows it up with “The only thing worse than that is being fat and pregnant during a really hot summer! Ugh!”

I know you remember that half smile/half “I have to poop” face – just add an awkward attempt at an expected response, maybe a chuckle?

How about a little foreshadowing?  (I’ve always thought myself a good story teller! You’ve gotta have all the elements!)

A day or so later, she asks me if strenuous work outs can delay your period.  *sigh*

So NATURALLY I’ve barely even sat down and opened my cup of coffee and breakfast this morning when she says:

 “Oh, yea so I AM pregnant…” all smiley and stupid while my heart dropped like a ROCK and I played the “Oh what a surprise, how FAAAAH-bulous!” part – an award-winning performance here people.

Then I decided to channel the movie Horrible Bosses and I made her go downstairs to copy a whole sh*t ton of stuff for that pesky lawsuit.  Felt good, and it got her out of my office so I could cry, and then the sinking feeling VERY quickly crept back.

Confessions, Taxi-Cab on late-night HBO style:  She’s only 4-5 weeks (period’s about a week late) and I tried to make myself feel better by saying, well odds are decent that something will happen in the next few weeks, or maybe that it’s a blighted ovum.

Yea, I know.  I’m a horrible person. 

My blog, my honest-to-god thoughts and feelings – no  apologies and no bull-sh*t.

Like I told the pregnant BFF – I’m not angry AT them, and especially this girl - who had no idea about my loss.  But I’m so f*cking furious in general .

This girl doesn’t even really want to be pregnant right now.  She’s all “well everyone’s happy*, we’ll just have to accept it and deal with it.”

You’re gonna have to f*cking DEAL WITH IT?!?  A pregnancy is not supposed to be DEALT WITH. 

*and by everyone, she means EVERYONE.  She’s already told her whole family and the entire facility we work at.  It’s SO AWESOME that people keep walking into my office this morning saying “So, did you hear the good news?!  That means you’re next!”

Is it out of line to hang a sign that says “f*ck off today” ??

But my awesome boss, who knows my whole mc story, calls and says, "Are you ok?" I told her I am better than I was first thing this morning... and I said, "Can we go out for lunch?"

She said, of COURSE!

So we're going out for lunch, and I asked, "Can this be an alcoholic lunch?"

Abso-f*cking-LUTELY!

I <3 my boss...

****

On the doggy front, I’ve pulled the miscarriage card on E.  I emailed him and said, “Listen. M just told me she’s pregnant and right now, I need to keep going with this adoption process for Molly, even if that logic doesn’t make sense to you.”

So I’ll be taking a phone interview tonight during which I’ll be able to ask all my questions, as well as remind them E and I are still discussing foster to adoption, or just straight adoption, etc.

****

And today is officially the first day of summer.  It was boiling already at 8:30 this morning (and for NJ, that’s HOT).  The guy at Dunkin looked at me funny when I said “No, hot coffee – not iced.”

Hot coffee because we've got GOOOOD air conditioning at work! (Sincere apologies for anyone lacking the AC at work, I hope it doesn’t seem I’m rubbing it in your face…) =P

So let’s hear it for the First Day of Summer, and the third day of Project 365!



Finally a chance to breathe...

It feels like the past couple weeks have been just ON THE GO.  I feel like we've been non-stop running since we started keeping as busy as humanly possible the day after The Appointment (you KNOW what appointment I'm talking about...)

This week is no different! Yesterday was aqua cardio (love the little old ladies, they're so cute in their social hour discussing their whiny grandkids and fabulous baked beans recipes) followed by bridal shower gift shopping.  For a shower in 4 days.

Procrastinate much?

But I nailed the gifts, if I do say so myself.  They're all dessert theme - from their cake platter to their 25-piece dessert serving set to a Just Desserts cookbook.  I am the BEST gift buyer, EVAAHHHH!!!

Anywanys - work's all of a sudden CHAOS as well due to a lovely law suit that's required us to now provide copies of everything this company has EVER DONE in the last 7 years.  Guess who gets to organize all THAT.  And the judge seems to not care how long it takes...

Me:  Yea, its gonna take 3 months to pull this together, and that's with someone working on it 40 hours a week, which we can't afford the staff for that right now.

Judge: Yea, that's great.  I still want it in a few weeks.

Me:

So long work day today followed by running home to pick up the dog and running back to my in-laws just-purchased house to help paint the last two rooms of four that we've done.   (I might as well just surgically attach paintbrushes to my hands at this point...)



In doggy news, the foster organization received "glowing" comments from my two referrals (carefully vetted friends with only good things to say).  It seems they're ready to go!

Meanwhile, E is back pedaling on this whole thing... He doesn't understand why we can't just walk into a shelter near us and pick one out that we've gotten to meet, that it'd be so much easier.

Me?  I am ready and willing to work and fight for this dog, for something I want dearly and already love.

If we shied away from doing things because they seemed too hard, or there was an "easy way out," I don't think we'd ever get pregnant again.

I can tell you, after feeling like you've failed, it is hard to get back in that saddle.  But I am also ready to face this fight head on.   We're on CD4(ish) and I'm fully stocked and armed with OPKs, HPTs, BBTs and BYOBs - wait. Wrong acronym.

Although I DO believe that WILL help with conception!

She must have been drunk!!!

So keep your fingers crossed that I can convince Eric that Molly is meant to be OUR dog, and that we don't get blisters getting back in that saddle!

I mean figurative blisters...

Not literal.  That's uh-LOT of tango-ing!!!

In honor of Molly, I leave you with Day #2 of Project 365!

Rocco, the coolest dog EVAH!

Project 365

Project 365:

Official Buggy Item #4.  (I think it's #4... apologies for lack of continuity with the Buggy Items... lol)

For the next year, I'm picking up a popular blog trend, and I WILL post one picture a day.  (No, not those weird pictures I pull from google images that are somewhat appropriate for the blog entry...)

Even if I'm tired, or it's a picture I took a few days prior - I am making this commitment.  To myself and my photography.  I LOVE taking pictures.  And each time I pick up my camera, I remember WHY I love it.

I really want to start picking up my camera more often.
 So, Project 365.

All pictures, all mine.

Sometimes they will be appropriate to what I have to say.  Sometimes they'll be SO random, but SO PRETTY!

(And no, that's not the first picture...)

After a rough night this past Saturday (and rough morning on Sunday), I spent alot of the next day on my front lawn, seated Indian-style, staring at the front of my house... (through a view finder, of course.)

NOT that weird artsy guy.  You know, from American Beauty?

(Not THE picture either.)

(You'll know it when you see it.)

When spring was around the corner, I went out and bought a "butterfly garden."  It was some kind of weird paper mat, with seeds sealed in between layers, that you were supposed to plant in your garden to attract butterflies.  So guess where the butterflies were Sunday afternoon?

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE.  *sigh* 

money well wasted...

Anyways, they were white - they were pretty, and there was two of them!  Being the aspiring photographer I am, I ran inside and grabbed my lovely camera that E bought me as a wedding gift.  (He seriously wondered if it was the best decision when we came home from our honeymoon with over FOUR THOUSAND PICTURES...)

I just kept snapping as the butterflies kept fluttering around.  I had no idea if the shots came out or not until, hours later, I hooked up the memory card reader to the computer.

I almost felt like I did when I used my FIRST camera at 12 years old, and had to wait for pictures to be developed at a pharmacy! Yea, almost. 

Some came good, some came not so clear, and some - perfection:

© 2012 Moments Captured

And because I love you all, you get a second shot, on this first day of Project 365!

 © 2012 Moments Captured